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Original poster

Mum's boyfriend kicking her out of their home after 24 years

383 replies

heathspeedwell · 04/12/2022 19:44

Just found out that my mum's partner has sold their house and is kicking her out. She doesn't know yet.

They aren't married but she invested £25k into their first home, which they bought for £125k. Her name has never been on the deeds.

They have moved house four times and their current home is worth maybe £800k. She's done loads of DIY and they have also had lodgers that she has done the work for. She paid £30k for the kitchen last year.

My mum's boyfriend's son (whom I have thought of as a stepbrother) has said that his dad plans to give my mum back the £25k from their first house. We are both shocked that his dad is being so mean.

Although they are not married I can't believe that he can get away with just giving her the £25k. If she can prove she bought the kitchen does that give her any rights at all?

Hoping that someone can give me advice on what my mum should do. Is it better if she stays in the house until they reach a fair settlement or is she better to get away as soon as possible?

OP posts:
Noodlehen · 04/12/2022 23:26

JulieMarooley · 04/12/2022 23:24

55k plus some DIY and lodger admin is not a lot to pay for 24 years of housing.

However we don’t know if OP’s mum has paid for other big household costs like car, holidays, food; perhaps they both contributed equally to the overall household costs, in which case the house should (morally) be shared.

Agreed now I’ve seen it wrote out like that. It’s a crap situation OP, but if your mum has never paid the mortgage then I guess her investments into the house could be seen as board?

Shitfather · 04/12/2022 23:27

Having just settled on a similar case with my ex, I would urge your mother to seek legal advice. Can she prove through documentation that there was an intention to share the beneficial interest in the property? If not, she has a battle full of litigation risks. Even if she can prove intention, a judge would have to infer the quantum of that interest.

In my case, I could prove intention. However, my lawyers said I was looking at 100k to take it to trial. I had the best team advising me and it cost ££££££ to bring it to mediation. We settled and ex will pay me. It’s been an incredibly stressful and painful journey that affected my mental and emotional health. Your mother will need deep pockets and gigantic balls of steel to fight it. It is not for the faint of heart.

@TooTrusting gives fantastic advice.

Fleurdaisy · 04/12/2022 23:27

YANBU and your mum needs a lawyer asap.

Rightsraptor · 04/12/2022 23:28

Absolutely get legal advice at the earliest opportunity. I went with a friend in a similar situation to yours when she went to see a solicitor a couple of years ago. The solicitor told her not to move out, her partner had no right to force her out.

But a big problem here (sorry not read the entire thread) is that you know and your mum doesn't. God, that's tricky.

MichelleScarn · 04/12/2022 23:28

JulieMarooley · 04/12/2022 23:24

55k plus some DIY and lodger admin is not a lot to pay for 24 years of housing.

However we don’t know if OP’s mum has paid for other big household costs like car, holidays, food; perhaps they both contributed equally to the overall household costs, in which case the house should (morally) be shared.

But these holiday/food/regular household bills are part of life, why does that = share in a house value? Even people who've actually paid rent as lodgers/tenants still have these bills, should they then get to claim entitlement to a house value?

AdoraBell · 04/12/2022 23:30

She definitely needs legal advice urgently.

JulieMarooley · 04/12/2022 23:41

MichelleScarn · 04/12/2022 23:28

But these holiday/food/regular household bills are part of life, why does that = share in a house value? Even people who've actually paid rent as lodgers/tenants still have these bills, should they then get to claim entitlement to a house value?

Show quote history

What I meant was, say the mortgage was 1k a month, they may have agreed that because he was paying the mortgage, she would cover all the other household expenses for both of them. So that would be the same as if they had split the mortgage and then split the other costs too. But I am just speculating.

Jfb23 · 04/12/2022 23:42

If she's on the UK it's unlikely that it's legally sold yet, more likely that the sale has been agreed. A solicitor will be able to check this and can register your mum's interest with the land registry which should halt the sale. She should also be required to sign the contract confirming she'll leave the property on completion. Obviously she shouldn't do this. She could make the estate agents aware that she lives at the property and until a financial agreement is made she will not be moving out.

EmmaAgain22 · 04/12/2022 23:43

JulieMarooley · 04/12/2022 23:41

What I meant was, say the mortgage was 1k a month, they may have agreed that because he was paying the mortgage, she would cover all the other household expenses for both of them. So that would be the same as if they had split the mortgage and then split the other costs too. But I am just speculating.

Show quote history

But as she didn't pay the mortgage, one can only conclude that she didn't want the legal responsibility of the mortgage.

AcrossthePond55 · 05/12/2022 00:33

@heathspeedwell

I know there can be 'private sales' but I think I'd have a looky-loo to see if the house is listed anywhere. Did you check on Rightmove and other online sites to see if it's listed? I know here in the US homes often stay listed until escrow closes and the sale is finalized. There are even 'recently sold' listings that will show what a home sold for.

She absolutely needs a solicitor, although I have a feeling she's probably a bit SoL for more than she can prove she invested. A very hard and painful lesson for her.

As far as 'living rent free for 25 years', would posters say the same about a SAHM whose husband is saying she 'contributes nothing' because he brings home the bacon? Posters scream to her "You've contributed! You've cleaned, cooked, etc". If OP's mum has provided the 'domestic services' that so many women do, then she has earned her keep.

I have a cousin who is being urged to sell her home and move in with her BF with the idea that in a 'few years' they'll sell his house and 'buy together'. Frankly, it's obvious to everyone but her that he's controlling and trying to get her 'tied' to him in the only way he can, property ownership. since she won't marry him as she wants to keep her assets separate for her children. I'm going to show her this thread. I've been telling her she is a fool to ever sell her home, even if they did have joint deeds. The way real estate is going here even if she banked 100% of the profit, inside of 2 years it wouldn't be enough to replace her lovely home 'like for like'.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 05/12/2022 01:39

It won’t necessarily change much. If she’s unmarried and not on the mortgage, and can’t show she regularly contributed to the mortgage, then she can get legal advice, but it’s more of an admin concern of how/when she has to be out of the house, but she’s not likely to be able to stop it permanently or go for a share of the equity.

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 05/12/2022 01:46

Well OP, sorry but that is your mum's fault for giving him the 'milk and cow' (so to speak) for free for 24 years. She can be resolutely against marriage, but she can't then turn around and expect all the benefits of marriage, which is a legal contract and offers legal rights and protections. Basically if she was merely living with him in his house, and not on the deeds, she is owed not one penny. She chose to do things to a house she had no legal right to. It was very foolish of her. She should cut her losses because no court will go through things such as a new kitchen or the cost of wallpaper or how much she paid for a flower bed. No court in the land will. It isn't her house, she was merely living with him. She was very, very foolish indeed. I hope you learn from her experience and never cohabit without at least being on the deeds and having some legal contracts/civil union drawn up.

Ivyblu · 05/12/2022 06:10

AcrossthePond55 · 05/12/2022 00:33

@heathspeedwell

I know there can be 'private sales' but I think I'd have a looky-loo to see if the house is listed anywhere. Did you check on Rightmove and other online sites to see if it's listed? I know here in the US homes often stay listed until escrow closes and the sale is finalized. There are even 'recently sold' listings that will show what a home sold for.

She absolutely needs a solicitor, although I have a feeling she's probably a bit SoL for more than she can prove she invested. A very hard and painful lesson for her.

As far as 'living rent free for 25 years', would posters say the same about a SAHM whose husband is saying she 'contributes nothing' because he brings home the bacon? Posters scream to her "You've contributed! You've cleaned, cooked, etc". If OP's mum has provided the 'domestic services' that so many women do, then she has earned her keep.

I have a cousin who is being urged to sell her home and move in with her BF with the idea that in a 'few years' they'll sell his house and 'buy together'. Frankly, it's obvious to everyone but her that he's controlling and trying to get her 'tied' to him in the only way he can, property ownership. since she won't marry him as she wants to keep her assets separate for her children. I'm going to show her this thread. I've been telling her she is a fool to ever sell her home, even if they did have joint deeds. The way real estate is going here even if she banked 100% of the profit, inside of 2 years it wouldn't be enough to replace her lovely home 'like for like'.

SAHM get a lot of stick on here and it is because people are saying they are vulnerable/loss of career for themselves!
But a lot REFUSE to listen...... until it all falls down however they ARE married.

Who doesn't pay rent for 24 years? She should have a good stack of savings.

Do you think she's entitled to someone's house morally?

You can't have it both ways!

MayThe4th · 05/12/2022 06:33

There are a lot of double standards on this thread.

Whenever a woman posts here that her dp is going to move in, the first thing people say to her is to not put his name on the deeds.

There is not one person who is claiming the OP’s mum should have rights to this house who would say the same if someone posted here that her dp was seeking legal advice and was claiming financial interest in her house.

We know absolutely nothing about the OP’s mum in this scenario. The BF may have very valid reasons for selling the house and throwing her out. For all we know this could be an abusive relationship, and he may feel that the only way to end it is to sell the house and change the locks. He would certainly be urged to do that if he was a woman.

Ultimately the mother has lived in the house rent free for the past 25 years.

And ultimately, by sticking two fingers up at marriage she has accepted that if the relationship ended she would leave with nothing.

Yes see a solicitor by all means, but ultimately the only person to blame here is the OP’s dm if she’s left herself high and dry. You pay the price, you take the consequence.

Onthecuspofabreakthrough · 05/12/2022 06:49

Does her 25,000 deposit not translate to an investment in the house? And giving that back without any accounting for how much the house price has gone up is a dickish move.
She may have been paying no mortgage but we've no idea if her wage went into the family "pot" - could have gone on bills, holidays, food etc meaning he has less to pay out.

Onthecuspofabreakthrough · 05/12/2022 06:51

@MayThe4th the advice you'd give someone "going to move in" is not the same advice you'd give someone who'd been in a committed relationship for 24 years.

thelobsterquadrille · 05/12/2022 07:01

Whenever a woman posts here that her dp is going to move in, the first thing people say to her is to not put his name on the deeds

Because that's a completely different scenario 🙈

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 05/12/2022 07:04

Onthecuspofabreakthrough · 05/12/2022 06:51

@MayThe4th the advice you'd give someone "going to move in" is not the same advice you'd give someone who'd been in a committed relationship for 24 years.

Except it wasn't a committed relationship. That's the whole point. Neither of them had any commitment to each other.

AlwaysGinPlease · 05/12/2022 07:04

Resolutely against marriage?! Well that's been her downfall. Surely she was aware of the legalities having already been divorced? Madness.

Stuffin · 05/12/2022 07:08

It's sad how many people don't believe in marriage but then expect all the insurance of marriage when it falls apart.

Even without the marriage financial contract surely your DM could have got a contract to protect her initial investment in the property.

MichelleScarn · 05/12/2022 07:10

As far as 'living rent free for 25 years', would posters say the same about a SAHM whose husband is saying she 'contributes nothing' because he brings home the bacon? Posters scream to her "You've contributed! You've cleaned, cooked, etc". If OP's mum has provided the 'domestic services' that so many women do, then she has earned her keep.
Idon't think you can really equate sahm who provides childcare to joint children and saves the family on extortionate childcare fees to an adult undertaking general daily loving activities for themselves! Or do you really think as long as there's housework done there's no onus to share in costs of living?

MichelleScarn · 05/12/2022 07:12

Daily living not loving...that'd be a WHOLE different kettle of fish!

MayThe4th · 05/12/2022 07:25

Onthecuspofabreakthrough · 05/12/2022 06:51

@MayThe4th the advice you'd give someone "going to move in" is not the same advice you'd give someone who'd been in a committed relationship for 24 years.

No. The advice you give to someone going in is because you don’t want them to end up in the OP’s mum’s situation in 24 years.

24 years ago the bf didn’t put her on the deeds. She never questioned it, and now he’s sold the house and she doesn’t have any rights.

People give the advice to someone to not put someone on the deeds precisely so that in 24 years time if the relationship ends they can change the locks and turn their back on the person they didn’t put on the deeds. §

MayThe4th · 05/12/2022 07:29

thelobsterquadrille · 05/12/2022 07:01

Whenever a woman posts here that her dp is going to move in, the first thing people say to her is to not put his name on the deeds

Because that's a completely different scenario 🙈

Why? Because he’s a man?

it’s not remotely different. He didn’t put her on the deeds presumably to ensure that she wouldn’t have a claim on the house if they split. That’s exactly the same advice as you would be giving a woman about to move in with someone she didn’t intend to marry. In fact I’ve seen almost the exact wording “make sure you don’t put him on the deeds, so he won’t have any claim on your house if you split.”

The only difference is that this is 25 years later, but the situation only exists because the man did exactly what a woman would have been told to do in the same situation.

goadyolddough · 05/12/2022 07:30

As she put down 20% deposit all those years ago, she should get back 20% of what the current house is being sold for, not just the original £25k