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Original poster

Mum's boyfriend kicking her out of their home after 24 years

383 replies

heathspeedwell · 04/12/2022 19:44

Just found out that my mum's partner has sold their house and is kicking her out. She doesn't know yet.

They aren't married but she invested £25k into their first home, which they bought for £125k. Her name has never been on the deeds.

They have moved house four times and their current home is worth maybe £800k. She's done loads of DIY and they have also had lodgers that she has done the work for. She paid £30k for the kitchen last year.

My mum's boyfriend's son (whom I have thought of as a stepbrother) has said that his dad plans to give my mum back the £25k from their first house. We are both shocked that his dad is being so mean.

Although they are not married I can't believe that he can get away with just giving her the £25k. If she can prove she bought the kitchen does that give her any rights at all?

Hoping that someone can give me advice on what my mum should do. Is it better if she stays in the house until they reach a fair settlement or is she better to get away as soon as possible?

OP posts:
Ivyblu · 05/12/2022 08:08

MichelleScarn · 04/12/2022 20:52

Why is she vulnerable because she's not had to pay rent or a mortgage for 24 years?

Because she now is in a shit show of a position. If she had of just paid towards the mortgage and got married she wouldn't be faced with this.

Because on one hand people are saying she paid for this..m🙄 and that so IF that's the case why didn't she just pay the mortgage? Because she now wants a stake of someone else's house. Not to mention how old is she? And she's homeless 🙄

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 05/12/2022 08:09

What is clear at the moment to me (as a layperson) is that it will cost a small fortune in legal fees and mediation to sort this out, with no guarantee of a good result for OP's mum.
Compare this with the very small (comparatively) cost of a register office wedding/civil partnership, or the zero cost (financially) of simply saying right at the outset 'If we're buying this jointly I should be on the deeds'.

Exactly.

TheaBrandt · 05/12/2022 08:15

It’s not false. You are not informed. It’s possible to bring a claim for a beneficial interest in property you have worked on / paid into 🙄. Agree it’s not a great solution and is risky and expensive yes far better to get married in the first place. But it is possible so stop giving out false advice please.

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 05/12/2022 08:16

TheaBrandt · 05/12/2022 08:15

It’s not false. You are not informed. It’s possible to bring a claim for a beneficial interest in property you have worked on / paid into 🙄. Agree it’s not a great solution and is risky and expensive yes far better to get married in the first place. But it is possible so stop giving out false advice please.

Again, you are wrong and misinformed. You need PROOF to bring a claim for a beneficial interest, and the OP's mum has none.

MayThe4th · 05/12/2022 08:16

People are just jumping on this now and making stuff up to try to make this seem like a valid case.

There is not a judge in the land who is going to count a holiday as part of someone’s right to a steak in a house. By that thinking any couple who split could start to make legal claims on the holidays, gifts etc they bought for each other during the course of the relationship. A holiday has nothing to do with the fact that she lived in the house.

It’s also worth bearing in mind that the £25k she put into the first house was the first house. She wouldn’t be entitled to more than that because she never put money towards the subsequent houses and the bf has said she can have the £25k back, so the £25k is irrelevant here.

As PP said upthread, there are plenty of cases where a woman has lived with someone and when they have died she has been left with absolutely nothing, not even been allowed to organise the funeral and then been thrown out of her house straightaway.

Lawyers will charge her thousands, tens of thousands even to pretend to fight this, and they will already know the chances of any success are minimal.

It’s not worth fighting. She needs to walk away.

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 05/12/2022 08:17

MayThe4th · 05/12/2022 08:16

People are just jumping on this now and making stuff up to try to make this seem like a valid case.

There is not a judge in the land who is going to count a holiday as part of someone’s right to a steak in a house. By that thinking any couple who split could start to make legal claims on the holidays, gifts etc they bought for each other during the course of the relationship. A holiday has nothing to do with the fact that she lived in the house.

It’s also worth bearing in mind that the £25k she put into the first house was the first house. She wouldn’t be entitled to more than that because she never put money towards the subsequent houses and the bf has said she can have the £25k back, so the £25k is irrelevant here.

As PP said upthread, there are plenty of cases where a woman has lived with someone and when they have died she has been left with absolutely nothing, not even been allowed to organise the funeral and then been thrown out of her house straightaway.

Lawyers will charge her thousands, tens of thousands even to pretend to fight this, and they will already know the chances of any success are minimal.

It’s not worth fighting. She needs to walk away.

Exactly, and we have someone on here who is playing lawyer and given out dangerously misinformed advice. She is not entitled to anything without proof. And, she has no proof. Case dismissed.

Moonatics · 05/12/2022 08:20

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/12/2022 23:11

OP you really should have said that she didn't pay rent or mortgage for 24 years in the OP. Because the fact that she's lived for a quarter of a century with no housing costs is pretty salient.

And if she has, she should have savings. Does she want another 25 years with no housing costs?

I'm normally #TeamWoman on here pretty shamelessly. In this case I can see why he'd be cheesed off with her asking for cash when he's paid for the mortgage all these years.

While I agree #TeamWoman of course and yes it should have been mentioned she paid nothing towards the house, how can he be cheesed off at her, hes sold the house from under her, his plan is to just give her 25k. Up to this point in the thread OPs mum doesnt even know.

chercez · 05/12/2022 08:28

The poor woman doesn't even know that this is happening yet.

BadNomad · 05/12/2022 08:28

Can she prove that she paid for the kitchen and other home improvements on the property? If so, she might be able to claim a share of the beneficial interest in the property through a constructive trust.

To create a constructive trust the payment made towards the property must be substantial and evidenced.

SuperCamp · 05/12/2022 08:32

So much nonsense on this thread.

A lawyer (a properly qualified experienced lawyer) with all the facts and details we do not have is the only person who will be able to advise if and how much over the £25k the OP’s Mum could realistically claim. But the lawyers here have clearly indicated that there are legal provisions for recognising a stake even if not married or named in the deeds. So the OP needs to take note of those and ask the lawyer if they apply, etc.

And as for the moral huffing and puffing… we don’t know what else she did or didn’t pay for her ‘25 rent free years’. She might have paid every single other bill and household cost, for all we know. No the business class flights for his kids won’t help her establish a stake in the house but surely it gives an indication that she wasn’t a female cocklodger ffs.

@VejaVagVagina If you believe that please do not make any life decisions based on any other legal snippets you think you learned.

OP I am sorry your Mum is in this horrible situation. The very fact that he is apparently planning to sell the house without telling her tells us something about him.

Goldpaw · 05/12/2022 08:37

heathspeedwell · 05/12/2022 07:41

The more I think about it, the more it seems mum's ex knew exactly what he was doing. He comes from another country so at least 3 years out of 5 my mum paid for him and his kids to fly there - long haul flights by business class so we're looking at £10 to £12k just to get there, let alone hotels and spending money.

My mum was the one who looked after the lodgers, and more recently Air B&B guests. She made the effort to get up to make them breakfast and wash the sheets etc. She's more outgoing than her ex so she did all meet and greet too, which has meant she had very little time to herself or to see her own family over the last two decades.

She really thought they were going to grow old together - it's such a dick move to try to kick her out just before Christmas.

Presumably she chose to do these things.

Just like she chose to not marry, and not go on the deeds.

Daft, but entirely up to her what she did.

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 05/12/2022 08:39

BadNomad · 05/12/2022 08:28

Can she prove that she paid for the kitchen and other home improvements on the property? If so, she might be able to claim a share of the beneficial interest in the property through a constructive trust.

To create a constructive trust the payment made towards the property must be substantial and evidenced.

To create a constructive trust the payment made towards the property must be substantial and evidenced.

Thank you. That's exactly what I said.

SuperCamp · 05/12/2022 08:40

@MrsTerryPratchett There’s a lot the OP hasn’t told us. Like the full breakdown of bills for 25 years. If the OP paid Counci Tax, insurances, every utility and all the food she could well have been paying more than the mortgage. We know she covered expensive holidays.

The house only cost £125k, and she put in £25k of that so £100k mortgage max.

I’m not saying that affects her legal status now but it affects the vision of this woman as a kept woman squirrelling away thousands in savings that people are assuming.

We just don’t know.

SuperCamp · 05/12/2022 08:47

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 05/12/2022 08:39

To create a constructive trust the payment made towards the property must be substantial and evidenced.

Thank you. That's exactly what I said.

Show quote history

@IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 you also said “She is legally entitled to zero! She stayed rent free in someone else's house, now she wants a share of it?”

Whereas it seems she may well be legally entitled, if she can prove her £25k investment plus the trust. Which you did say later. But ‘she is legally entitled to zero’ is not correct in principle.

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 05/12/2022 08:48

SuperCamp · 05/12/2022 08:47

@IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 you also said “She is legally entitled to zero! She stayed rent free in someone else's house, now she wants a share of it?”

Whereas it seems she may well be legally entitled, if she can prove her £25k investment plus the trust. Which you did say later. But ‘she is legally entitled to zero’ is not correct in principle.

Show quote history

Legally entitled to zero was in references to improvements in the property, not the original £25k.

Sally090807 · 05/12/2022 09:06

Blossomtoes · 04/12/2022 20:30

It’s everything to do with being married. That insignificant piece of paper - or the lack of it - has just cost her around £375k. .

Show quote history

You say it’s cost her £375k but there might still be a large amount owing on the mortgage?
Also, did your mum work during those 24 years because if she was working and living rent/bill free then surely she must of put away a fair bit of money?

Original poster
heathspeedwell · 05/12/2022 09:07

Mum was vulnerable when they first got together because she had recently been divorced and bereaved and I had just gone off to university. Understandably she felt lonely and adrift.

Suddenly being at the centre of a new family was a dream come true for her and she would have done anything for him and his kids. When he said he didn't want to get married again, she said she didn't either and thought they were on exactly the same page.

But now she's going to be lonely and adrift again, only without the financial cushion she had when they met.

OP posts:
AlwaysGinPlease · 05/12/2022 09:09

OP, how could she possibly not be aware that legally she wouldn't be entitled to anything unless they were married or her name was on the property.

Blowthemandown · 05/12/2022 09:14

@IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 actually no, I don’t think that. Thank you for your input.

Original poster
heathspeedwell · 05/12/2022 09:16

@AlwaysGinPlease I think she probably did know but thought it didn't matter because he was the one and they'd always be together. Literally just last week she was singing his praises. Presumably while he was seeing solicitors and estate agents behind her back.

OP posts:
BadNomad · 05/12/2022 09:21

@heathspeedwell are you going to tell her this morning so she can contact a solicitor asap before she actually is kicked out of the house?

FinallyHere · 05/12/2022 09:23

I'm very sorry to hear about this, it's a horrible situation to be in

it's staggering to think that he can sell her home from under her feet

It's also staggering that people would contribute the original £25k and subsequent upgrades like the new kitchen without insisting on any formal recognition.

I hope your DM can afford legal advice and is not completed shafted by this

SuperCamp · 05/12/2022 09:30

IAmWomanHearMeRoar1 · 05/12/2022 08:48

Legally entitled to zero was in references to improvements in the property, not the original £25k.

Show quote history

But you are not in a position to roar ‘zero legal rights’ unless you know what and to what value the improvements were and whether the OP has receipts / builders contracts in her name… and are a lawyer.

I’m just pointing out why people are commenting on your posts.

This thread is an absolute soup of misinformation, people arguing what they think should be the case, some legal perspectives… but without detail even lawyers can only talk ‘in principle’.

EmmaAgain22 · 05/12/2022 09:39

heathspeedwell · 05/12/2022 09:07

Mum was vulnerable when they first got together because she had recently been divorced and bereaved and I had just gone off to university. Understandably she felt lonely and adrift.

Suddenly being at the centre of a new family was a dream come true for her and she would have done anything for him and his kids. When he said he didn't want to get married again, she said she didn't either and thought they were on exactly the same page.

But now she's going to be lonely and adrift again, only without the financial cushion she had when they met.

But it's 24 years...she must have savings because she's not been paying the biggest bill most people have?

anyway, if you can establish the truth of it, you must tell her, but I'm wondering if you ought to talk to him first. Hear it from the horse's mouth.

Original poster
heathspeedwell · 05/12/2022 09:57

@EmmaAgain22
They have moved four times in the last 24 years. They would buy a run down house, do it up, rent out rooms as they got them finished and then sell up and start again.

Neither of them have been paying a mortgage for some time - neither of them have had jobs in that time - the properties were their job. So this idea that she's been living rent free and putting money away is a red herring. She came into the relationship with money from her previous house (and her inheritance) and spent most of it on him and his family. I don't know how much she can prove she spent on the houses over the years, the £25k deposit and the recent kitchen are the first things off the top of my head. I did try to advise her against it but she can be quite stubborn, and she was also always so busy!

The £25k he's going to give her back isn't enough for a deposit on a new place but may stop her from getting any benefits. I've got the day off work and I'm going to get more advice before I go and see her later.

OP posts: