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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to feel comfortable with DH putting cameras up all over the house?

415 replies

Iwantyourmidnights · 04/12/2022 10:04

Please help settle a debate between DH and I.

We have a toddler DS who does lots of the usual adorable/funny/unexpected things, and DH keeps talking about installing cameras in every room in the house so that we can capture all of the funny candid moments. For example today he did something funny with our cat in our bedroom while I was getting dressed, I told DH about it and straight away he said 'this is why we should have cameras up!'.

I do kind of get where he's coming from, DS is his first child, he's an absolutely doting father and he loves taking and watching videos of him and watching him grow up. However, I've just started mat leave and before that worked from home full time. I said to him that I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing I was being filmed all day long when I'm at home alone. Especially in our bedroom where we sleep/get dressed/sometimes enjoy, ahem, private time!

DH thinks I'm the weird one and most people would be fine with being filmed 24/7 big brother style. I think he is terrible at empathy and seeing things from the perspective of others, and most people would feel uncomfortable as I do.

To avoid the inevitable LTB pile on, I just want to say I'm 100% certain there's no hidden abusive/nefarious reason why he wants to put cameras up.

So:

YABU - there's nothing wrong with living under 24/7 surveillance in your own home, stop being a weirdo.

YANBU - DH is the weirdo wanting to film every moment of every day on the off chance DS does something funny.

OP posts:
Suffrajitsu · 04/12/2022 11:28

YANBU. Would he seriously like to be filmed all the time? Does he plan to spend all his free time sifting through the filming on the off-chance of finding your child doing something cute? At what point does this stop for your child so that he can have some privacy?

Vitalsigning · 04/12/2022 11:28

Nicknacky · 04/12/2022 11:24

@Vitalsigning And even with “open comms” there is always a time lag, I’m surprised you don’t understand that.

less than a second delay, again commenting on something you have very little understanding of.

Vitalsigning · 04/12/2022 11:30

Clymene · 04/12/2022 11:24

But why @Vitalsigning?

Why what?

why do I want to be safe in my own home?

why do I want a fast police response if someone breaks in?

why do I want for an ambulance to be called faster if someone breaks in and harms me?

oh I don’t know…

Nicknacky · 04/12/2022 11:31

Vitalsigning · 04/12/2022 11:28

It’s not for when people are taken ill, at this point I’m not sure if you’re purposely misunderstanding or just aren’t that bright.

How do you think a alert would be triggered if someone falls unwell in the bath?

They need a trigger for monitoring to start.

If you don’t understand something it’s usually prudent not to comment on it, makes you look a bit silly.

Show quote history

Maybe I’m not very bright but you brought up the other emergency services so I’m trying to understand how that would work with your system?

How can it possibly be of use for any other emergency service (and I am thinking of ambulance specifically)

Fleabigg · 04/12/2022 11:32

YANBU, I’d hate this. Also, he’s a toddler so presumably one or other of you is in the room with him most of the time and could record anything on a phone if you wanted to.

Nicknacky · 04/12/2022 11:32

Vitalsigning · 04/12/2022 11:28

less than a second delay, again commenting on something you have very little understanding of.

Show quote history

Clearly you don’t understand police communications then. That information will not be given to the police en route or at scene in less than a second. It has to go via the control room then the officers and that will obviously take longer.

Your system won’t go direct to the officers airwaves.

Applecottagetree · 04/12/2022 11:32

Nope. My DH got a nanny cam when our babies were little to keep an eye on the nanny, but once I was looking after the kids and was sitting on the sofa watching Kardashians while the kids slept and he messaged me and said 'shouldn't you be cleaning?'. The camera was never switched on again.

pizzaHeart · 04/12/2022 11:33

YANBU
it’s weird and invasion of privacy and where it will end? Now it’s about cute moments, at 6y.o. your DH would want to check on doing homework, at 10 - usage of mobile before bed, at 14 - what friends would come to your child etc etc.

And please ask him what he’s going to do with these videos. Is he going to watch all of them on the evening instead of spending time with his child and you? You share precious moments with your child being with them and doing things with them. He is not a Big brother he should be involved parent. This reason alone would be enough to me to be really cross with my partner just for suggesting cameras in the house.

Suffrajitsu · 04/12/2022 11:34

It’s not for when people are taken ill, at this point I’m not sure if you’re purposely misunderstanding or just aren’t that bright.

How do you think a alert would be triggered if someone falls unwell in the bath?

They need a trigger for monitoring to start.

So do the cameras not start recording unless someone has broken in or you have triggered the alarm, @Vitalsigning? If so it's not really comparable to OP's situation, is it?

jays · 04/12/2022 11:35

Absolutely not ok. His child isn’t Truman Burbank! We all deserve to live our lives in our ow homes without it being recorded on camera 24/7. It’s one thing capturing ‘moments’ but this is way too far and in ky opinion completely wrong.

Trollsintheforest · 04/12/2022 11:35

Applecottagetree · 04/12/2022 11:32

Nope. My DH got a nanny cam when our babies were little to keep an eye on the nanny, but once I was looking after the kids and was sitting on the sofa watching Kardashians while the kids slept and he messaged me and said 'shouldn't you be cleaning?'. The camera was never switched on again.

😂☠️

Suffrajitsu · 04/12/2022 11:36

Iwantyourmidnights · 04/12/2022 10:17

@elevenplusdilemma I'm definitely sure he doesn't want to monitor me, he's very laid back and trusting on that front. I think he truly just doesn't want to miss a moment of DS growing up, and because he would be fine with being filmed all the time, can't understand why someone else might not like it. I agree it's a bonkers idea though!

How many moments is he going to miss whilst he painstakingly trawls through hours' worth of filming every bloody day?

Vitalsigning · 04/12/2022 11:36

Nicknacky · 04/12/2022 11:31

Maybe I’m not very bright but you brought up the other emergency services so I’m trying to understand how that would work with your system?

How can it possibly be of use for any other emergency service (and I am thinking of ambulance specifically)

Show quote history

You really are displaying really poor levels of imagination here.

Do you think people only break into someone’s home to burgle them? If so I doubt you work for or with the police in any capacity.

If someone breaks in to my home to attack me then do you really not see how not having to wait for the police to attend and then realise something worse than a burglary has occurred before calling an ambulance would be helpful?

Same applies to the fire service, a local man had this happen a few years ago, teens broke into his home which was monitored, the police were called but they broke in to actually set fire to the house, not take anything, so the monitoring company also called the fire service who got there before the police, thankfully.

Bekindnotarsey · 04/12/2022 11:37

I don’t get it at all.

the little one wouldn’t be going in all rooms, mums usually like little ones close say within a couple of rooms…

Even tho you say and I do not doubt he is a good dad. But this looks very creepy, especially videoing a child all the time, friends and family may take this the wrong way, a man videoing their son if you get my meaning, even tho it’s innocent.

it is inhumane tbh, have a camera in the main room you are with your son and leave the rest out.

i assume you have a good marriage no hang ups, or trust issues, otherwise I would be concerned he’s watching you.

If you feel uncomfortable a bout this, show him these comments.

A marriage is a two way relationship, you are not happy, so that should be the end of it.

SuperSue77 · 04/12/2022 11:37

Vitalsigning · 04/12/2022 10:16

YABU based on your options.

We have cameras up everywhere, as do most of my friends, co-workers, family etc. it’s not uncommon

but not everyone feels the same, even if 90% of the population are fine with it, you’re not so that’s it.

90% of people might not mind it in public places, where it deters criminal activity - but not in every room in their house!!! In their bedroom!! I can’t believe there is even one YABU - I would not be okay with this.
YANBU - enough spending time with your child while they are rather than spending your time scanning hours upon hours of video footage.

ArrrrrghStopLickingTheDog · 04/12/2022 11:38

Am I being thick here but are you saying you get a preferential treatment from the emergency services because you pay a security business @Vitalsigning?

Vitalsigning · 04/12/2022 11:38

Suffrajitsu · 04/12/2022 11:34

It’s not for when people are taken ill, at this point I’m not sure if you’re purposely misunderstanding or just aren’t that bright.

How do you think a alert would be triggered if someone falls unwell in the bath?

They need a trigger for monitoring to start.

So do the cameras not start recording unless someone has broken in or you have triggered the alarm, @Vitalsigning? If so it's not really comparable to OP's situation, is it?

The cameras are recording 24/7 for us to view and access, they are not live monitored by an external company until a trigger.

Maybe Sunday Brain fog is effecting people today

ChaToilLeam · 04/12/2022 11:38

Absolutely not!

When does he plan to watch all that footage anyway, on the off chance that something funny or cute happens?

If my partner put cameras like that up in the house, I’d take them straight back down again. There’s no need for it.

Beelezebub · 04/12/2022 11:38

Not really sure why @Vitalsigning is persisting - an internal system installed for security purposes by mutual agreement of everyone that doesn’t record 24/7 and only in response to a trigger, is not the same thing as cameras in every room, specifically focussed on the occupants of the house specifically to record their activities for the amusement of one person.

Bekindnotarsey · 04/12/2022 11:38

Forgot to say, if your DH still insists, when he goes to work, turn them off🙂

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 04/12/2022 11:39

The level of paranoia and anxiety being exhibited here is off the scale.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 04/12/2022 11:39

Blimey I understand the love one has for one's offspring but filming every waking moment in case said child does something adorable. Christ. He really needs to get a grip.

It's one of the most bonkers thing I've read for a while.

Tell your DH that it's an absolute NO. It's a red line you're not prepared to go over. Plus where/when does your child give consent for this? They'll be beyond embarrassed when they grow older that their every moment was filmed for scrutiny.

My mind is truly boggled at some people.

PollyAmour · 04/12/2022 11:39

Absolutely not. Is DH some kind of voyeur? Your child won't thank him for being filmed 24/7 and nor will any visitors to your house.

Nicknacky · 04/12/2022 11:39

Vitalsigning · 04/12/2022 11:36

You really are displaying really poor levels of imagination here.

Do you think people only break into someone’s home to burgle them? If so I doubt you work for or with the police in any capacity.

If someone breaks in to my home to attack me then do you really not see how not having to wait for the police to attend and then realise something worse than a burglary has occurred before calling an ambulance would be helpful?

Same applies to the fire service, a local man had this happen a few years ago, teens broke into his home which was monitored, the police were called but they broke in to actually set fire to the house, not take anything, so the monitoring company also called the fire service who got there before the police, thankfully.

Show quote history

Do you actually realise how rare it is for housebreakers to enter and harm you? And yes, after 20 years service I have a fair idea about crime.

You clearly live in a state of paranoia to the extent you monitor your house like you do. I think that is a shame you feel like that so much that no one else in their home will get privacy.

Coffeelotsofcoffee · 04/12/2022 11:40

No ducking way hun
Is this man a voyer?

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