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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to feel comfortable with DH putting cameras up all over the house?

415 replies

Iwantyourmidnights · 04/12/2022 10:04

Please help settle a debate between DH and I.

We have a toddler DS who does lots of the usual adorable/funny/unexpected things, and DH keeps talking about installing cameras in every room in the house so that we can capture all of the funny candid moments. For example today he did something funny with our cat in our bedroom while I was getting dressed, I told DH about it and straight away he said 'this is why we should have cameras up!'.

I do kind of get where he's coming from, DS is his first child, he's an absolutely doting father and he loves taking and watching videos of him and watching him grow up. However, I've just started mat leave and before that worked from home full time. I said to him that I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing I was being filmed all day long when I'm at home alone. Especially in our bedroom where we sleep/get dressed/sometimes enjoy, ahem, private time!

DH thinks I'm the weird one and most people would be fine with being filmed 24/7 big brother style. I think he is terrible at empathy and seeing things from the perspective of others, and most people would feel uncomfortable as I do.

To avoid the inevitable LTB pile on, I just want to say I'm 100% certain there's no hidden abusive/nefarious reason why he wants to put cameras up.

So:

YABU - there's nothing wrong with living under 24/7 surveillance in your own home, stop being a weirdo.

YANBU - DH is the weirdo wanting to film every moment of every day on the off chance DS does something funny.

OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 04/12/2022 13:24

Vitalsigning · 04/12/2022 11:36

You really are displaying really poor levels of imagination here.

Do you think people only break into someone’s home to burgle them? If so I doubt you work for or with the police in any capacity.

If someone breaks in to my home to attack me then do you really not see how not having to wait for the police to attend and then realise something worse than a burglary has occurred before calling an ambulance would be helpful?

Same applies to the fire service, a local man had this happen a few years ago, teens broke into his home which was monitored, the police were called but they broke in to actually set fire to the house, not take anything, so the monitoring company also called the fire service who got there before the police, thankfully.

Show quote history

You don’t live in midsommer by any chance? 🤣

oakleaffy · 04/12/2022 13:26

Hell no!
What does he think you are living in, the Big Brother house?

Crazy. And rather unhealthy.

BellePeppa · 04/12/2022 13:26

CrispyEgg · 04/12/2022 12:18

I set up a camera to catch my cat doing funny/sneaky things and even though dh and I were aware it was there it still ended up catching me topless and Dh bottomless. 😂
The problem was I’d given my sister access to view it whenever she wanted but thankfully she never saw those bits.

The camera’s in it’s box now.

😂

camdenn · 04/12/2022 13:26

Oooooooooooooh · 04/12/2022 10:47

Good luck explaining that to SS when your child mentions it to someone
It's intrusive,controlling and fucking weird

Ok put like this - it’s wrong.

I work in social media marketing. Therefore I’m not automatically against cameras in the house or of photos being taken - if there is a purpose to it. IE if he’s a successful influencer and is going to edit the footage in a vlog or tiktok/reel. But he’s not.

This isn’t something “everyone” is okay with at all. Most people would be significantly against this. Even people who film their lives constantly have a break without any cameras on. Has he said you’d have control over the cameras to turn them off or delete footage, or will he monitor it remotely? It really does seem like a breach of you/the child’s privacy.

Appleass · 04/12/2022 13:30

NO NO NO

AlisonDonut · 04/12/2022 13:32

Ignoring the attention seeker; OP you need to consider what will happen if he installs them.

'Hi, did you have a good day at work'
'Yes'
'David walked up the stairs on his own today'
'I know'
'And he ate cabbage'
'I know'
'And he painted this picture'
'I know'
'And he made a balloon monkey'
'What? I missed that, when was it?'
'Around 3, 4 ish'
'Ok I'll be back in 4 hours once I've gone through all the footage from all the cameras to find it and post it all on facebook/instagram. See you around bed time.'
'Great. I had a good day myself, by the way'

MsGrumpytrousers · 04/12/2022 13:35

I can sort of see why he'd want to, but one of the important things with young kids is to learn to be in the moment.

If he's this keen not to miss a thing, have you discussed him asking for fewer hours at work so he can be a SAHD for a day or two a week?

camdenn · 04/12/2022 13:38

To be fair to that poster saying “high value homes have interior cctv” - I have come across this too.

But at homes that are valued closer to £1m vs the average house in your area. Homes that likely have security staff, locked safes/vault rooms, and other staff pottering around daily like cleaners or nannies (or think celebrities with managers, personal assistants, agents, PR etc regularly being present at their homes)

OoooohMatron · 04/12/2022 13:42

Definitely not. I work in people's homes and I hate it when there are cameras it feels so uncomfortable, I couldn't imagine being filmed in my own home.

BoschBoschBosch · 04/12/2022 13:42

I couldn't get past the fact that a woman who murdered her stepson during lockdown had cameras everywhere 'to protect herself'. Not normal and not ok. Perhaps pointing out the company he'd be joining might take the shine off the idea for him.

vitahelp · 04/12/2022 13:43

@Oaktree55 houses round here are between £1-6m but rural area with mostly older generation occupants which may explain the difference in security.
I’m in my 30s though so more accepting of modern tech, but just wouldn’t like it! I keep thinking of that Netflix show The Watcher!

CambsAlways · 04/12/2022 13:43

Bloody weird

LlynTegid · 04/12/2022 13:45

No, just keep your phone in your pocket for such moments.

LexMitior · 04/12/2022 13:45

Yes but come on, there are many wealthy people who don't live like paranoid footballers in the UK. To suggest that a high value home (let's say a million plus) has cameras normally is wrong.

It's the prerogative of those who have servants who are paranoid about having their stuff nicked, not all those with an expensive house.

RishisProudMum · 04/12/2022 13:45

camdenn · 04/12/2022 13:38

To be fair to that poster saying “high value homes have interior cctv” - I have come across this too.

But at homes that are valued closer to £1m vs the average house in your area. Homes that likely have security staff, locked safes/vault rooms, and other staff pottering around daily like cleaners or nannies (or think celebrities with managers, personal assistants, agents, PR etc regularly being present at their homes)

Circa £1m buys you a nice four bed detached in a nice bit of London or the South East, or something smaller in the spendier bits. Nothing flash, no security staff, no staff of any kind and certainly no vault rooms. And no cameras.

SquirrelFan · 04/12/2022 13:46

YANBU

Oaktree55 · 04/12/2022 13:49

Yes our definitions of high value differ hence the debate on cameras.

RishisProudMum · 04/12/2022 13:50

RishisProudMum · 04/12/2022 13:45

Circa £1m buys you a nice four bed detached in a nice bit of London or the South East, or something smaller in the spendier bits. Nothing flash, no security staff, no staff of any kind and certainly no vault rooms. And no cameras.

Show quote history

This is what circa £1m buys you in Islington. Perfectly normal (unstaffed and un-cameraed) homes: www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/find.html?locationIdentifier=REGION%5E93965&insId=1&minPrice=1000000&maxPrice=1250000&minBedrooms=3&primaryDisplayPropertyType=houses&googleAnalyticsChannel=buying

I’d be intrigued as to the value of houses that actually have cameras. Are we talking billionaire mansions, or something?

RishisProudMum · 04/12/2022 13:52

Oaktree55 · 04/12/2022 13:49

Yes our definitions of high value differ hence the debate on cameras.

Oooh, someone who can tell me! What price range do you consider ‘high value’?

ErinAoife · 04/12/2022 13:53

I would not put camera in every room in the house. I have a camera in the landing facing the front door and that it is all. No way camera in every room especially not in the bedroom, that is so weird

vitahelp · 04/12/2022 13:53

I think @Oaktree55 was referring to billionaire homes which would be a bit irrelevant on a mumsnet thread and unlikely to be relatable to anyone on here.

Wherearemyspex · 04/12/2022 13:55

NO, NO, NO!!!! No way would I live with that.

You could let him put them up and go round and put black tape over all the lenses!! (That's what I'd do!!!)

At what point is he planning to actually review all that footage? Weird and intrusive.

KettrickenSmiled · 04/12/2022 13:57

Anyway, he said it was useful to gain so many other opinions and it's made him wonder what else he should be listening to me about, so thank you all for proving me right Grin

Well hello OP's DH - with this attitude, I'm gonna advise her to keep you Wink

StripeyDeckchair · 04/12/2022 13:58

YANBU
This is beyond weird & intrusive.
There is no way I would be prepared to live with cameras all over the house.

Oaktree55 · 04/12/2022 13:58

I'd say house prices £5m plus will have home automation. Maybe not present if being sold by older existing owners but anyone in that price bracket will be installing home automation to include interior cameras as part of any refurb.