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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to feel comfortable with DH putting cameras up all over the house?

415 replies

Iwantyourmidnights · 04/12/2022 10:04

Please help settle a debate between DH and I.

We have a toddler DS who does lots of the usual adorable/funny/unexpected things, and DH keeps talking about installing cameras in every room in the house so that we can capture all of the funny candid moments. For example today he did something funny with our cat in our bedroom while I was getting dressed, I told DH about it and straight away he said 'this is why we should have cameras up!'.

I do kind of get where he's coming from, DS is his first child, he's an absolutely doting father and he loves taking and watching videos of him and watching him grow up. However, I've just started mat leave and before that worked from home full time. I said to him that I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing I was being filmed all day long when I'm at home alone. Especially in our bedroom where we sleep/get dressed/sometimes enjoy, ahem, private time!

DH thinks I'm the weird one and most people would be fine with being filmed 24/7 big brother style. I think he is terrible at empathy and seeing things from the perspective of others, and most people would feel uncomfortable as I do.

To avoid the inevitable LTB pile on, I just want to say I'm 100% certain there's no hidden abusive/nefarious reason why he wants to put cameras up.

So:

YABU - there's nothing wrong with living under 24/7 surveillance in your own home, stop being a weirdo.

YANBU - DH is the weirdo wanting to film every moment of every day on the off chance DS does something funny.

OP posts:
Munchyseeds2 · 04/12/2022 12:40

If my DH suggested this I would think he was bonkers!
It would not happen

Panjandrum123 · 04/12/2022 12:40

YANBU it’s too intrusive to have them everywhere. Your DH needs to massively rethink

bringincrazyback · 04/12/2022 12:42

username8888 · 04/12/2022 12:20

childs bedroom fine, but nowhere else. awful.

Not fine in child's bedroom either. Children are entitled to privacy too.

Beautiful3 · 04/12/2022 12:43

No that's horrible.

LexMitior · 04/12/2022 12:48

It is laughable that people think it might be connected with a lack of money.

Anyway, I am a bit skeptical as to "not everywhere". Obviously if you have them downstairs internally this will record whoever enters or leaves the house. This is nice little form of control, even if it's a pet cam.

RoseGoldEagle · 04/12/2022 12:50

If he’s a hands-on dad (and it sounds like he is from the way you’ve described him) then he’ll see plenty of these cute/funny moments from DS every day. He doesn’t need to literally see every single one, that is honestly just odd. And also usually these things are cute at the time they happen when you’re in the moment, but not usually that amazing to watch back. You know like when you tell a funny story and someone comes in at the end and asks you to retell it and it’s never as funny the second time round, it’s a bit like that. It’s just way too intense, your DS doesn’t need his every move scrutinised! (And neither do you!).

Franklyfrost · 04/12/2022 12:51

Huge red flag: he wants cctv throughout the home. Even if it really is to not miss out on what his child is doing, that’s still an extremely unhealthy approach to parenting.
Red flag big enough to blot out the sun: he has difficultly understanding and respecting that others have different opinions to himself

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 04/12/2022 12:55

Franklyfrost · 04/12/2022 12:51

Huge red flag: he wants cctv throughout the home. Even if it really is to not miss out on what his child is doing, that’s still an extremely unhealthy approach to parenting.
Red flag big enough to blot out the sun: he has difficultly understanding and respecting that others have different opinions to himself

And huge red flag that he wants this just as OP is due to start maternity leave. It isn't the toddler he wants to watch all the time.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 04/12/2022 12:57

Vitalsigning · 04/12/2022 10:16

YABU based on your options.

We have cameras up everywhere, as do most of my friends, co-workers, family etc. it’s not uncommon

but not everyone feels the same, even if 90% of the population are fine with it, you’re not so that’s it.

How weird, I don't know anyone who has cameras set up in their houses! Why do you?

AngelontopoftheTree · 04/12/2022 12:57

Yanbu, it's an absolute No!
He can't watch your son 24/7 in case he does something funny, which he will do multiple times a day - it's a cute age! But your son deserves the respect of not having every minute of his life recorded.
Please show him this thread so he can see he's wrong.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 04/12/2022 12:58

Sorry my page hadn't refreshed and I see my question was raised a number of times

oviraptor21 · 04/12/2022 12:59

Vitalsigning · 04/12/2022 10:50

I don’t know one family who doesn’t have internal security systems set up, including cameras.

That includes all friends, family, co workers etc.

A few don’t have 100% coverage but they all have at least a few rooms covered.

Might be a financial thing though.

Show quote history

I don't know one family that has cameras up. Motion detectors yes, outside cameras yes, a small handful have these.
Internal cameras no.

No way would I agree to this. I do not want to be watched 24/7 even by someone I love.

Pinkdhalia · 04/12/2022 13:10

I would like to know is your husband jealous or controlling as the putting cameras up to catch your child's funny bits , could be a ruse to catch your activities? If you are in the phone , who to, what you say, your routines, when you are in or out! This is the first time I've ever heard of that as a reason it's usually for security reasons. And most cameras are outside

Oaktree55 · 04/12/2022 13:11

Unusual to install cameras to film child but not unusual to have CCTV in home, most high value homes have this nowadays in most main rooms and the modern cameras pick up sound too not just filming, so technically you can listen into conversations remotely etc if you chose to.

LexMitior · 04/12/2022 13:12

@Oaktree55 - give over with "most high end homes". You mean paranoid people

Julienne4467 · 04/12/2022 13:13

"Did something funny with your cat"?? Like WHAT? Animals are not for people's entertainment and neither is your kid.
Putting cameras up to capture your "cute" kid is a grotesque invasion of his privacy and dignity. Your DH is a creep and needs to get as bloody life and some useful pastimes. Can he learn to grow food or make things instead? Like do something useful? I bet he is a real bore around other people talking about his kid.

Oaktree55 · 04/12/2022 13:14

@LexMitior absolutely nothing to do with paranoia. Once over a certain price homes will have internal security systems which includes cameras in most main rooms.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 04/12/2022 13:15

YANBU

vitahelp · 04/12/2022 13:17

@Oaktree55 What are peoples reasons for doing this? Ours is a high value home as are neighbours, we all mostly have outside cameras in the hope of getting a visual if anyone is robbed or to understand how they got in but don’t feel the need for internal, it never occurred to me and I am quite paranoid about break ins!

violetcuriosity · 04/12/2022 13:18

Don't do this.

I'm a safeguarding lead and whenever a child says there are cameras inside a house it's always recorded on the safeguarding system in school. I always make a phone call to find out why and if I'm not satisfied I pass it up higher.

There have been some horrific abuse cases and they were only found out because a tradesperson invited into the home noticed them, thought it was a bit weird and luckily passed the info onto the relevant people.

You will leave yourself open and it's an invasion of your son's/your life.

whynotwhatknot · 04/12/2022 13:18

Dont know anyone with cameras everywhere only a ring doorbell or simijlar

i wouldnt like this t all-and when will have the tme to trawl through hours of footage

Oaktree55 · 04/12/2022 13:22

@vitahelp depends on definition of high value. Top end will have home automation such as Control 4 (although there are probably better systems now) so the house is Cat 5 wired anyway for this. The CCTV is part of the system where you can talk to family members over intercom in other rooms etc (with video). Also useful for break ins or monitoring staff when away. In large houses intercoms are used a lot for example as shouting up the stairs doesn't cut it!

Original poster
Iwantyourmidnights · 04/12/2022 13:23

MN is being a nightmare for me today, it's taken me nearly an hour to post this reply!

@NoSquirrels yes, we have another baby due any day now. And to whoever asked, he started suggesting the idea around when DS started walking, so not coinciding with my maternity leave. And no I'm not planning on being a SAHM and he has no other controlling tendencies. I think the potential creepieness of it just failed to occur to him tbh.

I've shown him this thread (although neither of us have had chance to read every single response yet) and he well and truly accepts that he's in the minority and has eaten his words. We both suspect he may be slightly neurodiverse actually, and we've had a few conversations about him lacking empathy/the ability to understand other perspectives. He does also have form for having quite mad ideas sometimes.

Anyway, he said it was useful to gain so many other opinions and it's made him wonder what else he should be listening to me about, so thank you all for proving me right Grin

OP posts:
LexMitior · 04/12/2022 13:23

I think you move in some odd circles. The camera industry would like to normalize this but it is not normal for wealthy people to cover their homes in cameras.

I can well imagine some idiot being persuaded otherwise but that is individual stupidity and paranoia talking

GnomeDePlume · 04/12/2022 13:23

YANBU

Trying to capture every living moment of a child's life is weird. As PPs have questioned, when does it end? Even a toddler is allowed some privacy.

For security for most people just locking the front door is sufficient. Most ne'er-do-wells are lazy and risk averse. They'll burgle no.7 because the door was unlocked but steer clear of no.5 because the door is locked. Add a territorial dog and they probably won't even try the door handle.

For @Vitalsigning their level of security in an average house would be simply a pointless expense. A burglar would be in and out before the monitoring service had put its cup of tea down to see what the commotion was. In a rambling, sprawling property it might make more sense.