To change kid name my deed poll?

[Herroyal]

DC, 11, and 10 currently have DPs surname. We are married but I kept my own surname.

I now feel like we should have put my surname as their middle name because I’d like them to have it and it’s a pain travelling with different surnames! I had no idea.
Our names don’t double barrel well, plus kids are used to their surname as is.

they already have 2 middle names each, so they’ll
end up with 3 which will be a mouthful! AIBU to do it anyway?
so their passports can read 1st name, my surname as middle, surname??

what would you do?

‘With 3 middle names you are setting them up for a life of having to write a lot on forms.’

genuine question as I have 3 middle names but have NEVER written them all on a form ever - do people write all their names down and do they find this strenuous?

passports only let you include first name one middle name - at least my two passports do.

Honestly Op I'm not sure that adding your surname is going to solve your problems. The difficult (homophobic?) immigration officers you come across will just find another reason to question you. So for that reason I wouldn't bother.

It's an legal change of name so yes I believe it would have to be declared and proof provided for the rest of their life under previous names. If they failed to declare it I'd be worried about their documents being declared invalid or at worst, prosecution for fraud. Which would be significantly more inconvenient than providing the required proof.

I've travelled and worked in different countries and also have a job that requires police checks, involving various visa applications, government medical programmes, etc etc. As a married woman, having changed my name I have found it a complete ballache.

I always have to provide certified copies of all docs and there is one bank account that I have never been able to change because the marriage certificate was issued in a different country and the bank won't accept it.

You don't know where life will take your kids, and they might want to change their names again upon their own marriages. I understand the idea of wanting to keep your family connection, as I gave my kids my maiden name as a middle name. But I think at this stage you would be lumbering them with an additional admin task in the future for reasons relating to your own feelings rather than for their benefit.

OP, people keep thinking you are unmarried because your posts keep talking about your partner/DP, rather than your husband/wife! Yes, people should read more carefully, but it's odd to keep saying "Partner" when you are married.

I have a different surname from my children, who are also biracial and look nothing like me, so I keep a copy of the birth certificates in the passport case. I also take a letter signed by my husband saying i have his permission to take the kids across borders. Job done. I think that makes more sense than pushing the burden onto your kids in the form of an additional task they have to do when filling in forms. I don't understand why you talked about carrying the marriage certificate around? Nobody has ever asked about this, and it is not the border control people's business whether you are married or not.

My children have two middle names and a two-name surname, not hyphenated, and everything fits on their UK passports.

We added the first half of their surnames by Deed Poll when they were seven and ten, having discussed it with them, as their father and I divorced and I didn't want to keep his name. As we were going through the bother of doing the Deed Poll, each child also chose their second middle name.

I say go for it, but I'd add your name as part of the surname.

For example, my kids' names are
Amy Beth Cora Smith Jones
and
David Edward Finley Smith Jones

With their father being
Gary Jones
And me
Helen Isabel Jane Smith.

I really think by the time they are young adults, systems will be much better at identifying us that all our details are linked up on a database and it's not a big faff to see that Amy Smith Jones used to be just Amy Jones (it possibly does help that my children have much rarer names too), especially in conjunction with DOB and NI Numbers.

To add, I grew up with a hyphenated surname, and occasionally receptionists at GPs/dentists would file me alphabetically under the last name, but all it took was for me to suggest they look under the first half. Really no big deal.

I absolutely love my kids' names, and so do they.

In that case I'd leave it.

@greenteafiend ’it's odd to keep saying "Partner" when you are married.’

I avoid saying wife on MN as the thread white often gets derailed with minor homophobia unfortunately.
Despite my repeatedly saying we are married, they are our children, we are on birth certificates there are still posters asking about the ‘fathers’ of the children and what they think…

@EIfie thanks - always useful to hear from someone with RL experience

You're welcome.

If you think adding the middle name would be enough to resolve the immigration issue (as it would "only" be a middle name and not a surname) I would go for it.

The other option would be to add your name to the surname for legal purposes, but the kids carry on being known as your wifes name, eg:

You are Mary Smith, wife is Gayle Jones, kid becomes John Jones-Smith (on passport), known as John Jones at school, doctors etc.

My niece has a double barrelled surname but only ever uses the first part (as the dad is estranged) and its never caused her problems.

Despite my repeatedly saying we are married, they are our children, we are on birth certificates there are still posters asking about the ‘fathers’ of the children and what they think…

Those are not homophobic questions. Many people may not know what is and is not on the birth certificate in the case of a same sex couple, so it's fair enough for them to ask questions. And the person who provided the sperm IS the father in the biological sense even if he is not the father in a social sense, so putting scare quotes around the word "father" is a bit odd. Of course sperm donors are usually not involved, but sometimes they are; some women take part in a coparenting relationship or use the sperm of a male relative of whichever woman is not the biological mother. A friend of mine back home ended up using her brother's sperm, while her wife is the biological mother and carried their baby.

MN is a very lesbian-friendly site, in my experience, unless you are determined to interpret "lack of knowledge about same sex couples and parenthood" as homophobia.

@greenteafiend I disagree. If a woman came on and said they were married to HIM and they were their kids not sure anyone would continue to ask about parent rights of other people.

our children have two mothers, equal in the eyes of the law ( whatever YOUR opinion about it) and no father.

This kind of BS is what puts me off saying we're 2 mums, because lots of posters like to debate our family, if we are a family, how we created our family, IF we should have ad a family, who the 'real' mother is, whether or not our children have a 'father' NONE of which is actually relevant to the questioning I'm posing around whether I should add a middle name for our kids because I'd like them to also have my name as part of theirs.

I never understand how people can't get how there isn't a 'father' around.. No one asks this of a heterosexual couple that needed a sperm doner to conceive.. The male named on the birth certificate is just the father.. No talk of sperm doner needing to give permission to go abroad 🙄... So why is it so hard to understand for a same sex couple.

I don't think it will be that much agro for your children to have this name added.. And even if they do need to tick the 'known by other name box' (which I don't think they would need to) its really not that big a deal... Many people change their name when they get married or via deedpoll every year and they all get through the rest of their life without struggle.

'I never understand how people can't get how there isn't a 'father' around.'

I would imagine it's the same type of people would ask a black woman with a scouse accent 'Where you from?'
'Liverpool'
'I mean really from'
'Liverpool'
'Yea, but ORIGINALLY where are you from???'

narrow minded or narrow experienced twits, basically...

Update for anyone who cares... mentioned this to DW again, and this thread, and she said - we were saving this til Xmas, but open your card now. Early Xmas present...
Deed poll papers to add my surname! She and the kids were giving it to me as Christmas present, eldest DC's idea apparently.
So that's that! They're getting a new middle name and everyone's happy with that.

Meh.

I'm not sure how this is a gift for you, when in fact you're giving your dc a lifetime of having to prove the difference between their name on their BC and their current names.

I doubt this will cause you any less trouble travelling either.

And yes, I have very close personal experience of both. Happy Christmas indeed. I hope you enjoy your gift, as it will be something your dc will remember doing for the rest of their lives (and actually for their dc when they need to register their deaths)

Not a mouth-full at all. People do double-barrelled names all the times (mom's surname plus dads).

Just do it if you want.

I doubt this will cause you any less trouble travelling either.

Yes it will!

@Herroyal How lovely! Great that your family is so supportive of you.

Of all the things you have posted on this thread this has to be the weirdest.

A Christmas present? A name for your children?

This is completely batshit.

If you want your children to have your name then that is a discussion for you and your children (purely based in their age) - not a 'gift' your wife can give to you.

It really won’t.

Surnames being difference is common in billions of patent and child relationships all over the world. Immigration staff are well used to it.

That’s not why the op (or any of us) gets questioned.

That's a fab resolution! ❤️

You can add a legal alias to your passport.

so issued to your first name your surname

Also known as your first name shared family name.

At the age your boys are I think they’re old enough to have an opinion on changing their names.

'You can add a legal alias to your passport.' What batshittery is these?

And why is, family all agree to make the change cos they agree it matters, not a good resolution???