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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To change kid name my deed poll?

150 replies

Herroyal · 04/12/2022 09:35

DC, 11, and 10 currently have DPs surname. We are married but I kept my own surname.

I now feel like we should have put my surname as their middle name because I’d like them to have it and it’s a pain travelling with different surnames! I had no idea.
Our names don’t double barrel well, plus kids are used to their surname as is.

they already have 2 middle names each, so they’ll
end up with 3 which will be a mouthful! AIBU to do it anyway?
so their passports can read 1st name, my surname as middle, surname??

what would you do?

OP posts:
liloandtitch · 04/12/2022 10:25

*both

Coolyule · 04/12/2022 10:26

Oh god don’t give the poor kids 3 middle names. I have 2 and that’s bad enough. I would leave it as it is unless the DC are desperate to have your name too in which case consider removing a middle name to put yours in

Original poster
Herroyal · 04/12/2022 10:27

Okay - from a PURELY practical view.

If we give them a new middle name are they HONESTLY going to have to tick the ‘known by another name ‘ box?

So Robert James Smith known as Robby Smith becomes Robert James Jones Smith with just Smith as the surname.
wouldnt you just say no to the other name question?
I have friends who have so many middle names that they’re not even on their passports etc.

2nd - what do married women changing name do then for paperwork? Do you tick known by other name and have to carry around a marriage cert the rest of your days?

OP posts:
DreamyMea · 04/12/2022 10:28

chella2 · 04/12/2022 10:22

I think you could solve the travel problem by adding your wife's surname as a middle name to your own name.

It will cause inconvenience for your kids in the future as they will always have to provide proof of change of name for anything official. So , if it were me, I would take the faff of changing name on myself rather than make the kids have to go through it.

This was also my suggestion. The wife's surname as OPs middle name is the least change. And it doesn't need to be double barrelled or used in most cases. It's just there legally.

ThreeLittleDots · 04/12/2022 10:30

Yeah do it, it's no big faff either now or for anyone in the future.

It will cause inconvenience for your kids in the future as they will always have to provide proof of change of name for anything official

Disagree. My name change via deed poll is not an inconvenience to prove.

DreamyMea · 04/12/2022 10:32

Herroyal · 04/12/2022 10:27

Okay - from a PURELY practical view.

If we give them a new middle name are they HONESTLY going to have to tick the ‘known by another name ‘ box?

So Robert James Smith known as Robby Smith becomes Robert James Jones Smith with just Smith as the surname.
wouldnt you just say no to the other name question?
I have friends who have so many middle names that they’re not even on their passports etc.

2nd - what do married women changing name do then for paperwork? Do you tick known by other name and have to carry around a marriage cert the rest of your days?

So Robert James Smith known as Robby Smith becomes Robert James Jones Smith with just Smith as the surname.

I'd say so OP. I wouldn't tick a box saying I was known as anything else if the above was the situation. My kids have had middle names added at ages 9 and 13 and I've never ticket a box for them x * *

DreamyMea · 04/12/2022 10:33

My kids middle names were added via deed poll, it wasn't a faff and it's never caused an issue x

Fuuuuuckit · 04/12/2022 10:33

Herroyal · 04/12/2022 10:27

Okay - from a PURELY practical view.

If we give them a new middle name are they HONESTLY going to have to tick the ‘known by another name ‘ box?

So Robert James Smith known as Robby Smith becomes Robert James Jones Smith with just Smith as the surname.
wouldnt you just say no to the other name question?
I have friends who have so many middle names that they’re not even on their passports etc.

2nd - what do married women changing name do then for paperwork? Do you tick known by other name and have to carry around a marriage cert the rest of your days?

Yes, they will legally have to tick that box for every time they are asked FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.

And yes, married women who have changed their name do need to be able to prove their name change under similar circumstances.

DreamyMea · 04/12/2022 10:39

But then again, my kids were only changed 4 years ago. The eldest is now 17. It's not caused problems in travelling, getting a job etc. But I imagine down the line in the future when he is looking at mortgages, marriage, maybe big things he will have to also prove the name change on top of birth certificate etc. Not exactly a faff like. My kids had middle names added because they desperately wanted them x

FattyMcFatButt · 04/12/2022 10:40

Would all the middle names even fit on a passport?

ArnoldBee · 04/12/2022 10:43

Also hubby and I have 3 children between us that all have a different surname. It always amuses me when we travel that they assume DSD is mine. They always seem shocked when hubby says she's my daughter and they don't seem to know what to do with themselves so it's not just your family that have to deal with awkward questions.

Original poster
Herroyal · 04/12/2022 10:43

‘Would all the middle names even fit on a passport?’

No but on the passports we have you choose the first 2 names. They don’t have to be in ‘order’.

OP posts:
Original poster
Herroyal · 04/12/2022 10:44

I know this because I was chatting to a mate about it and her kids have middle names, with her surname being last and she just chose her surname as the one to use on the passporr

OP posts:
Original poster
Herroyal · 04/12/2022 10:45

It’s not just about the passport though. It feels
deeper than that.
one DC refers to themselves as if they have a double barrelled surname anyway. always has.

OP posts:
Glitterbiscuits · 04/12/2022 10:45

Is it really an issue? I've been married decades and didn't change my name.
No one has ever questioned me or my children at passport control

Original poster
Herroyal · 04/12/2022 10:46

@Glitterbiscuits read previous posts
its an issue and has been and we have missed flights, connections and a ferry because of it

OP posts:
DMLady · 04/12/2022 10:47

Lots of people here saying they’ve got different surnames from their children and have never had any problems travelling — to which all I can say is that they’re very lucky! I have a different surname from my DD and have been questioned about it several times when flying. It seems to me though, OP, that the main issue here is that you’d like your children to have your name too — in which case, as they don’t mind, I’d say go for it.

Original poster
Herroyal · 04/12/2022 10:47

It’s also not nice to be hostilely questioned by cops or immigration just because they don’t like the make up of your family.

OP posts:
Enko · 04/12/2022 10:49

Does the 4 names make their character count over the passport application?

Personally at 10-11 I would wait until they are that bit bigger they can chose to do it themselves and add it as a surname

I am curious though we didn't you give it to them originally?

Original poster
Herroyal · 04/12/2022 10:49

‘Yes, they will legally have to tick that box for every time they are asked FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.’

you have experience of this from a middle name added as a child? I think ‘known as’ very clearly means that and as no-one ‘knows’ my kids bynanything other than first name surname I’m not sure it will be an issueZ

OP posts:
Enko · 04/12/2022 10:52

Herroyal · 04/12/2022 10:49

‘Yes, they will legally have to tick that box for every time they are asked FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.’

you have experience of this from a middle name added as a child? I think ‘known as’ very clearly means that and as no-one ‘knows’ my kids bynanything other than first name surname I’m not sure it will be an issueZ

Every DBS. Check I have to check I have had other names yes this includes middle names.

TumbleFryer · 04/12/2022 10:53

YellowTreeHouse · 04/12/2022 09:38

YABU. The easy (and best) solution here is to marry your DP and take his name too rather than faffing about with your kids names again.

What nonsense.

give them your surname either as a middle name, surname or double barrel surname. Whatever option you decide on, just make sure your name features. Women should not be written out.

hugznotdrugz · 04/12/2022 10:54

Honestly don't give them 3 middle names- it never all fits on forms and is a right pain. If you have to then drop the Current middle names and just use yours in that place

KatMcBundleFace · 04/12/2022 10:54

You'll only get hassle about it at passport control for a couple more years anyway. Just carry the extra documents. Unless you're traveling with them frequently (and without your DH) can't see that's much trouble.

Don't give them a silly extra name at this stage.

ForestLilac · 04/12/2022 10:57

IT IS FREE TO CHANGE YOUR NAME. GOOGLE ‘FREE DEEDPOLL’.

IT IS NOT A FAFF FOR YOUR CHILDREN ‘FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES’ EITHER.

So much said here by people who haven’t even done it is simply not true!