To change kid name my deed poll?

[Herroyal]

DC, 11, and 10 currently have DPs surname. We are married but I kept my own surname.

I now feel like we should have put my surname as their middle name because I’d like them to have it and it’s a pain travelling with different surnames! I had no idea.
Our names don’t double barrel well, plus kids are used to their surname as is.

they already have 2 middle names each, so they’ll
end up with 3 which will be a mouthful! AIBU to do it anyway?
so their passports can read 1st name, my surname as middle, surname??

what would you do?

My son had a DBS check for a job at 17, I cant remember whether he mentioned a name change or whether he just said no. But either way he passed the DBS check and didn't have to provide anything additional for the name change.

If you still get shit rim people when you've the birth certificate I'd say the passport won't make a difference. I'd still do it because it's nice. I also use my middle name for nothing so throwing an extra in would make no difference- I suppose if they use theirs already it might be a pain though.

Yep. It is so much easier not having to provide evidence (marriage cert, deed poll), for every bank, passport, credit card, travel visa, and any other situation where you are asked “have you ever been known by any other name”

not to mention all the hassle in changing it in the first place.

a couple of questions at immmigration are nothing in comparison.

how do families who aren’t married manage? How do people take stepchildren away?
how do sports teams take kids away for competitions? School trips?

people travel all the time with different surnames. If you’re getting hassle that won’t change by changing their names.

‘I am curious though we didn't you give it to them originally?’

I’ e explained before!

For a DBS you put both your current name and your past name and date of deed poll, and they search under both.

And yes they will always have to declare the name change for things like dbs etc even if its "just" a middle name. To not do so is fraud and can carry consequences

Do it if you like. It won't be that much of a hassle and likely won't even appear on most official documents as they tend to cut off after a certain number of letters (ime). However I don't think it's going to help in the way you hope.

Middle names aren't really treated as demonstrating a family link in the way last names are and besides, the examples you've listed are straight forward homophobia (or at best inability of official procedure to adapt to same sex parenthood). The US immigration jobsworth is still going to be looking for a male giving permission to travel and pointing to a middle name in a passport isn't massively likely to make them reasonable all if a sudden.

My Aunt has 3 middle names and has spent her whole adult life (she's now in her 90's) cursing the fact that she can never fit all 4 (including first name) on forms. My mum had 2 middle names and found that enough of a hassle with forms. Don't do it!

‘The US immigration jobsworth is still going to be looking for a male giving permission to travel and pointing to a middle name in a passport isn't massively likely to make them reasonable all if a sudden.’

My having a different surname is the reason they give for pulling us out for more questioning. All of us having a surname in common takes the reason away, because in western countries at least they don’t like to be seen as openly homophobic.
it wouldn’t make any difference probably in Eastern Europe, Caribbean, Middle East etc but obviously we avoid going to countries where our lives would be in danger or where we could end up in prison.

‘My Aunt has 3 middle names and has spent her whole adult life (she's now in her 90's) cursing the fact that she can never fit all 4 (including first name) on forms.’

I have 3. I have never put down more than 1 and have never ever had consequences from that. And I have several DBS for work

My having a different surname is the reason they give for pulling us out for more questioning. All of us having a surname in common takes the reason away, because in western countries at least they don’t like to be seen as openly homophobic

that’s the reason they give you. More likely they are pulling you aside as two women travelling with kids is a trafficking flag.

how old are your kids? When I been stopped they’ve simply asked dc who the adult with them is. They usually look at them as if they’re insane and say “my mum”, and we’re let through.

Take marriage cert and driving licence to show address, to answer any questions, but I doubt a name change will stop you getting pulled over.

Will talk to DW and kids. I’m leaning towards doing it but if the children don’t want to change then obvs we won’t do it. I know that one will be 100% yes and the other is currently okay but mot 100% so I’ll let them decide.

‘When I been stopped they’ve simply asked dc who the adult with them is. They usually look at them as if they’re insane and say “my mum”, and we’re let through.’

that’s great, bout as I have repeatedly said that’s not been our experience.

Tricky but partly out of the pain of the kids having a very long name, and the hassle that comes with verifying name change (as highlighted by pps) I think the best thing is for you to name change to add your wife's/ children's surname, either as a middle name for you ie Elizabeth Smith Jones or an extra surname ie Elizabeth Jones-Smith. The latter probably has more weight with officials but the former is likely more palatable to you since you don't wish to change surname (and I get that might seem unfair if your wife isn't changing hers too).

I will make a couple more points. I'm married and use my birth surname. The kids have both surnames, double barrelled, and I've still been stopped and questioned about having their other parent's permission when travelling with them (without their dad).

Also the long name itself is problematic at times. My kids have a forename, two middle names and a double barrelled surname. When booking flights it sometimes doesn't fit on the online form. This has definitely been true of Tui and also American airlines which insist on having the full name (including middle names) on the booking so the ticket exactly matches the passport. A couple of times we've missed out on a good deal because we've had to phone and wait on hold to sort it because we can't complete the online booking.

My taking DW name doesn’t change the fact that my children don’t have my name.

Keep life simple - drop the other two middle names. They'll still be on their birth certificates, so if the names are in honour of people, then they'll still be there.

My taking DW name doesn’t change the fact that my children don’t have my name

No and I get that. I was adamant that my kids were having my name whether solely or double barrelled. I was also adamant I was not going to use my husband's surname. But you are where you are considering that you and the kids don't currently share a surname. Ideally you'd go back in time to registration day and change that but whilst hindsight is a wonderful thing, it does nothing to solve your dilemma. If you do adopt your wife's surname then it will be YOUR name too and your kids WILL share it.

The irony is if I’d married a man and had kids they absolutely WOULD have had my name, either as middle or double barrel.

I see you have decided to talk with them again. My children have 4 names. My dh and I have the same surname

Say my child was Paul Ringo Harrison Lennon. They all HATE Harrison. It causes a lot of issues as it's not hyphenated. Last time ds age 20 needed a dentist the dentist insisted they had no record of him. He had been to them twice before. He checked w me I insisted it was right. They checked again could not find him. I suggested they look under sister. Couldn't find her either. As ds was in pain he got an appointment and they by the time he arrived had found him. Filed under Harrison. Not Lennon.

All 4 of mine says they have this as an issue regularly. Dd1 needed a dbs check it took them ages to get it through again she was filed under H. This time they had made it Harrison-Lennon. Adding a hyphan we never had. Dh ages late.50s has the same name but only.in recent years has this become a issue.

At your children's ages you habe 6 more years of the passport issue. Up to you what.you decide as I get.for you its now.more than a passport issue. Just suggesting you check all.options.

For my children the surname as a middle name has been A pain.

Op YABU to change your children’s legal names just because you are offended at being questioned a couple of times a year about your relationship to them.
You mention leaving the decision to them.
Do you really think they are going to say they don’t want your name and risk upsetting you?
You sound very angry about it and I’m pretty sure the children are aware of this.
Fgs leave them alone….

Couldn’t you add your wife’s surname as a middle name on your passport, and vice versa rather than give your kids three middle names each?

Although I’ll add that my Mum has a very uncommon surname that isn’t easy to recognise as being from any particular nationality (for example many people think it’s African when it’s actually Eastern European) whereas I share my Dad’s very common surname and it was never a problem when I travelled alone with my Mum as a child.

Any time your children need to show their birth certificate to prove their identity they will also need to show their deed poll certificate. They’ll need to do this for one off things like getting married and also more common things like every time they start a new job. Unless you get their birth certificates altered their marriage certificate will say ‘previously known as’ with the name on their birth certificate. I’d say it is going to be much more hassle for your kids for the rest of their lives than for you when you take them on holiday. Especially given their ages.

Oh goodness OP, I am in exactly the same situation. Same sex couple, I gave birth but we gave the little one DW's surname. I am not changing my name either. My surname has a complex history with hurt feelings attached (won't go into it as it is very outing) which is why we chose to use DW's surname. I hadn't anticipated problems but you are making me realise we probably need take birth cert with us when travelling.

Yanbu to want to change their names, it is just really sad that you have to consider it.

But you'll have a surname in common which is what you say you want.

@GenerallyGreenerGrass take a chill pill! I’m not even remotely angry.
in hindsight I think we should have given our kids both our names. That is all.