Give up seat on the train

[ItsTheSmallThings]

AIBU to give up a seat on a busy train for a mum carrying a young toddler?

Exactly! As if you can tell just by looking whether somebody who is sat down has mobility issues? 🙄
I get this all the time when I pull into a disabled parking bay. Just because I am relatively young and can drive does not mean that I don’t have a disability!

This!

You can tell whether someone is young and healthy enough to stand. I would continue to prompt the healthy young man having already stood myself. You only have to look at someone to know they have fibromyalgia.

No you carnt. I have a condition which prevents me from standing for long periods and effects my balance. You would never know this by looking at me.

I would, but then I'm not an asshole

I don't like to see people struggle on public transport

This is very unfair. Should other people have to struggle just as much, if not more to give up their seat? Refusing to give up a seat does not make them assholes.

Oh yes you can. We don’t like to admit it, but oh yes you can.

Fibromyalgia is written all over someone’s face and posture.

I’d expect children from about 7 to stand for older adults.

I don't @CaronPoivre, not automatically. If they are able then all people should stand for those less able to do so not just because they are children and the person is older than them.

I would stand for the OP and her toddler if I felt okay or even if I felt a bit tired but no one else offered. That's because as she said toddlers get squashed and bashed about when standing on public transport. In her case someone noticed and offered his seat as people usually do.

If two seven-year-olds were sitting next to each other and chatting I'd let them get on with it and offer my seat if I felt able especially if it was a more convenient spot for the other person like near the door. Otherwise I'd expect one of the other able-bodied adults to get up.

You can tell whether someone is young and healthy enough to stand.

Of course you fucking can't.

I'm not young anymore, I'm in my 40s, but I was still disabled when I was in my 20s

How on earth would you know, to look at me, sitting down, whether or not I need a seat?

@CaronPoivre you really should do something with your gift for instant diagnosis. I don't mean like be a doctor, that would be a bit risky. But you could definitely go on Britain's Got Talent. Don't forget to talk about your journey if only to the studio on public transport. The audience love that..

YANBU if that's what you want to do. You're very kind🌸

That's true.

I'll be honest I do offer seats to pregnant women and elderly people or eg someone with a stick, but don't offer a seat to a parent with child, I suppose I've always been of the mindset that 'in my day' (albeit I'm 40 not 60...) children were taught to offer their seat to any adult standing. However I take the point that if it's a packed train and small toddler aged child they could get squashed or go flying and so would be safer in a seat, so will look out for parents in need in future.

It's not. Also what about every other hidden disability. Myself and one of my kids has hidden disability s but you carnt tell just by looking.

I will always offer my seat to an older person, or someone with an obvious disability. Because it’s the right thing to do, even if it negatively impacts me.

Im nearly 60 and have several disabilities, and gladly take a seat if someone offers. I wouldn’t offer a seat to a mother and child because I probably have more need of the seat than they do.

I reckon they could train doctors. Millions of pounds in medical tests could be saved if docs can just take one look at someone and diagnose fibromyalgia. Excellent.

How about all of us on this thread just agree to keep a more conscious eye for those who may need a seat more than us? Wouldn't that be a lovely end to a discussion?

That 's a smashing idea @Meggymoo777. I often do offer my seat to those less able to stand but I am not actually a meerkat constantly scanning the carriage like it's the savannah.

Sometimes I read my book or as @ItsTheSmallThings imagines, deliberately ignores her because I am a selfish cow who wants her and her toddler to come to harm. That's not true though I can see how someone with a heightened sense of persecution and a burning need to post a reverse thread on Mumsnet about it might think that.

What a good job someone quickly offered her a seat. In my experience people usually do.

What??? You mean all those tests mum had before she was diagnosed with fibro were unnecessary because the DR only had to look at her to know she had it?
Me and DP were on a train recently. He was on his Ipad looking to all the world like a healthy middle-aged man. What you and nobody else would know was that 24 hours earlier he had had a seizure and every muscle in his body now ached (worse than the worst cramp pain you could imagine), and he wouldn't be able to stand for more than a couple of minutes. We were coming back from a weekend away that we had to cut short due to this.
Saying that you can tell whether someone is healthy or not just by looking at them is B.S and you know it.

You mean you can see my brain injury and the effects this has on my ability to stand?

Whilst you're here can you diagnose me with the condition that no one else can? Consultant knows there's an issue but every test is inconclusive.

Particularly ironic given that fibro is notoriously challenging to diagnose as there’s no one test for it, and it’s often fairly difficult to distinguish from a host of other conditions. But hey, never fear, some random on MN can do it by sight!

Anyway… back to the thread. YANBU for wanting a seat, YABU for posting a reverse.

I also wish people were as concerned with ensuring that wheelchair spaces are accessible to those that need them.

I would not give up my seat for a woman and a toddler.

I am middled-aged and not in the best of health and I think I need the seat more than a perfectly healthy child and mother.

Is there any reason why you think a healthy adult and child can't stand for a short train journey?

I assume they would have booked a ticket/seat if this was a long journey.

The people I give up a seat for are pregnant women, elderly people and anyone with mobility issues.

If you had a pram then the child could seat in the pram.

You can tell whether someone is young and healthy enough to stand. I would continue to prompt the healthy young man having already stood myself.

How would you be able to tell that I have a form of arthritis that leaves me fatigued and find it difficult to stand for a long time every so often? Especially if I'm sat down at that point?

There are loads of hidden disabilities where you simple can't tell just by glancing at another person!

Unless you have some magic power that no medical staff have yet discovered.

Fortunately it doesn't come up often as I don't really use public transport much, and rarely on my own tbh. I did ask on the underground though, though that day it was obvious as I was already limping at that stage and visibly out of breath. It was one of the 'accessible' seats and I just asked the man sitting there if he minded letting me seat for a while, but not to worry if he wasn't able to either. It definitely didn't come easy to ask but I really was struggling that day so had no real choice. I just asked the nearest person.

Ah; I actually don't ask. I cant.

Historically I have been known to get off the train or sit in the vestibule and cry. I'm autistic and would never approach someone in a stressful situation like not being able to access a seat.

Subsequently I rarely use trains and when I do it would be for an intercity service when i could book seat. I also wouldn't travel alone now so whoever is with me may speak on my behalf.

I wouldn’t. But I would for an elderly or disabled person.