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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Give up seat on the train

132 replies

ItsTheSmallThings · 02/12/2022 19:00

AIBU to give up a seat on a busy train for a mum carrying a young toddler?

OP posts:
Meggymoo777 · 02/12/2022 19:49

WoahThereWoah · 02/12/2022 19:32

Mumsnet, the place where you can ask questions and get opinions. Only instead of giving opinions people all just turn into cranks and accuse people of all kinds. Amazing isn't it 🤣

Fascinates me tbf 😂

viques · 02/12/2022 19:49

I would have kept the child in the pram and pushed it on to the train, people will squish up, much safer than holding a child if the train had to stop suddenly.

or you could have asked , loudly,if any one would give up their seat.

WoahThereWoah · 02/12/2022 19:50

Meggymoo777 · 02/12/2022 19:49

Fascinates me tbf 😂

Yes its absolutely brilliant. I get so much entertainment from watching them all crawl out and start giving abuse 🤣 madness haha x

Meggymoo777 · 02/12/2022 19:51

viques · 02/12/2022 19:49

I would have kept the child in the pram and pushed it on to the train, people will squish up, much safer than holding a child if the train had to stop suddenly.

or you could have asked , loudly,if any one would give up their seat.

Ya, because loads of us have the confidence to go around shouting for people to give up their seats on packed trains... maybe not everyone would take your approach @viques and OP is just looking for a bit of discussion and maybe consensus

Meggymoo777 · 02/12/2022 19:53

Same... here, I'll share with you 🍷 🍿

Meggymoo777 · 02/12/2022 19:55

And actually @viques I've been on packed trains and trams and would much prefer to have my boy in my arms in a seat than in a pram where unsteady, overpacked travellers could fall on him.

ItsTheSmallThings · 02/12/2022 19:57

Meggymoo777 · 02/12/2022 19:51

Ya, because loads of us have the confidence to go around shouting for people to give up their seats on packed trains... maybe not everyone would take your approach @viques and OP is just looking for a bit of discussion and maybe consensus

Exactly this.

OP posts:
viques · 02/12/2022 19:57

Meggymoo777 · 02/12/2022 19:51

Ya, because loads of us have the confidence to go around shouting for people to give up their seats on packed trains... maybe not everyone would take your approach @viques and OP is just looking for a bit of discussion and maybe consensus

Consensus? On mumsnet?

hens teeth and unicorn tears spring to mind.

asking for a seat was a suggestion, sometimes people need a little help to be kind.

Meggymoo777 · 02/12/2022 19:59

OneFrenchEgg · 02/12/2022 19:17

I might for a toddler actually. I don't for pregnant people as they might just be fat/an unusual shape/menopausal. I do for anyone who looks like they need a seat more than me.

This too... great point

MissKriss · 02/12/2022 20:00

I don’t think you’ll get much accuracy from the voting tbh, as I voted YANBU to give up your seat to anybody you want, but I would have voted YABU if the question was SHOULD people give up their seat for a woman carrying a toddler.

Meggymoo777 · 02/12/2022 20:04

But given the situation @viques come on?... its gonna be tough to assert yourself and ask for a seat. I travel in trams etc a lot for work but can't imagine trying to navigate that shit with a small child, pram etc. Can barely keep myself steady

Gotta love the lad that gave up his seat tho! What a cutie! My boy was late home yesterday and when I rang to see why, he'd met the neighbours and was helping fill potholes. It's lovely to just be nice 👌🏻

ItsTheSmallThings · 02/12/2022 20:09

Meggymoo777 · 02/12/2022 20:04

But given the situation @viques come on?... its gonna be tough to assert yourself and ask for a seat. I travel in trams etc a lot for work but can't imagine trying to navigate that shit with a small child, pram etc. Can barely keep myself steady

Gotta love the lad that gave up his seat tho! What a cutie! My boy was late home yesterday and when I rang to see why, he'd met the neighbours and was helping fill potholes. It's lovely to just be nice 👌🏻

Bless him, a sign of good parenting.

To look at the young lad you would of thought he would be the last person to help.

I can only hope my children turn out like your son, or the lad on the train.

OP posts:
Meggymoo777 · 02/12/2022 20:14

@ItsTheSmallThings When he got home he apologised for being late. Ithonestly wasn't a big deal to him to help out, he's only 12, definitely hugged him a little bit tighter than usual when he got home 😉

Meggymoo777 · 02/12/2022 20:16

How about all of us on this thread just agree to keep a more conscious eye for those who may need a seat more than us? Wouldn't that be a lovely end to a discussion? 🥰

ItsTheSmallThings · 02/12/2022 20:16

Meggymoo777 · 02/12/2022 20:14

@ItsTheSmallThings When he got home he apologised for being late. Ithonestly wasn't a big deal to him to help out, he's only 12, definitely hugged him a little bit tighter than usual when he got home 😉

That's so lovely. I would be so proud. I thinks that's all you ever want your children to be. Kind, respectful and caring.

OP posts:
Meggymoo777 · 02/12/2022 20:20

@ItsTheSmallThings couldn't agree more! 🙌🏼 Hope your future train travels are easy and no doubt you'll raise your little one to be the type of person to give up their seat for another in more need x

SiobhanSharpe · 02/12/2022 20:25

I'm very old and find nowadays that people (men and women, young and not so young) often give up their seat for me.
I take it and thank them effusively. I wouldn't give up my seat for a child, though. (My back is usually killing me.)

limitedperiodonly · 02/12/2022 20:25

I had a literal standup battle the other day when everyone wanted to give me a seat on the bus (heavily pregnant) but I had a support belt on that would have had to come off, and by the time I’d sat down I’d need to stand up again and it’s a MISSION; it was me vs a bus load of chivalrous people. Felt I was letting the side down for pregnant people everywhere because next time they might not offer.

I'm sure they will @stuntbubbles, people usually do as OP found with the man who gave up his seat to her and her toddler. As I said, I probably would in that situation unless my feet hurt in which case I'd hope someone else did the chivalrous thing first.

My mum travelled on the Tube until two months from her death aged 90 and a half. People always gave her a seat which gives the lie to people who say how callous Londoners are.

She was very fit and strong but she was 90 and a half so always accepted unless she was getting off in a few stops and it was safer to hold on tight to a rail rather than risk wobbling her way on a moving train to a seat and then back again. Then she would graciously decline. Bit like you and being heavily pregnant.

It was funny to see how disappointed people were to have their kind offer refused. And it was kind of them. I am not mocking. It's just that people don't always understand. But I am sure that never stopped them offering again. Well, maybe one or two but there is no accounting for weird people and I'm sceptical about people who claim they never offer because they did once and were rebuffed.

I was offered a seat on the Tube on Tuesday evening as soon as I got on. It was a young east Asian tourist, possibly Korean. It might have been because people from his part of the world always give up their seat to women or maybe I looked especially decrepit. I thanked him and declined. I was getting off at the next stop. Perhaps other people might have but I was standing next to him and he was first.

In my experience of public transport and other situations most people are quite nice. I offered to help a disabled man reach something in the supermarket today. He said there was no need, he could stand but found it easier to get about on his mobility scooter. I will offer again for the next person I see in a wheelchair or with a toddler on the train or in a similar situation.

I might even post about it but I won't do a reverse like the OP did. That is just tiresome. Especially when you got a seat without asking anyway.

Rogue1001MNer · 02/12/2022 20:32

Mnhq have started deleting reverses. Just saying

OneFrenchEgg · 02/12/2022 20:35

Pineapple41 · 02/12/2022 19:24

I don't for pregnant people women

Fixed it for you!

I knew someone would do this, left it as I cba to change it. Was just thinking of people in general.

Oxterguff · 02/12/2022 20:36

I would never expect anyone not in priority seats to give up their seat for me and I have a disability. I occasionally travelled on trains when the DC were small and if I couldn’t get a seat then that was just bad luck. It’s a risk you take with public transport.
You also have absolutely no idea what issues other people might have either. Some of them might have been in greater need of the seats than you.

Isntitakward · 02/12/2022 20:45

Is it a wind up lol
You can give your sit up or not, what do you want from this thread? I personally would, if I felt fine and in a good health. I would not if I was horribly exhausted or sick.

Abraxan · 02/12/2022 20:46

ItsTheSmallThings · 02/12/2022 19:13

It was me and toddler. People on the train looked at us then looked down. We nearly went flying and a young lad noticed and offered me his seat. Bless him, he even said i will stand and watch your pram which I thought was very kind. Just got me wondering what the train etiquette is as it's been years since I caught one.

I have a condition which means that my joints are often sore and/or a bit swollen and painful. It also affects fatigue so I can be shattered even in a morning before I've been to work! This is even more so post Covid complications and peri-menopause hitting,

However, it's usually a hidden condition. Looking at me, especially sat down, you wouldn't know.

So there are some days where I'm afraid I would just stay sat down. I'd probably look away/down too. I'd not keep watching you.

Did you ask anyone for a seat?
Of you need a seat, ask.
Many people won't necessarily offer, but many will stand up and give you their seat if asked.

Meggymoo777 · 02/12/2022 20:46

Oxterguff · 02/12/2022 20:36

I would never expect anyone not in priority seats to give up their seat for me and I have a disability. I occasionally travelled on trains when the DC were small and if I couldn’t get a seat then that was just bad luck. It’s a risk you take with public transport.
You also have absolutely no idea what issues other people might have either. Some of them might have been in greater need of the seats than you.

Again, another way we could make our travels easier and more enjoyable... if we're not exceptionally tired couldn't we just start offering seats to those who just look wrecked, who are carrying more bags than us, look upset or down, and dare I say... who are just older than us. Guarantee the vibe on our commutes would could set us up for the day.

Meggymoo777 · 02/12/2022 20:47

Women and Children Only Carriages would also be a lovely option