Give up seat on the train

[ItsTheSmallThings]

AIBU to give up a seat on a busy train for a mum carrying a young toddler?

Well, parent and children carriages... basically a transport centred around kids safety.

I'm not sure most small toddlers will come stood up, holding on, on a busy train tbh.

@Abraxan see... there's another perspective to consider, those who are hiding pain that is just not obvious. When you need a seat @Abraxan how do you ask for it?

I've noticed this before. Young teenagers opening doors or offering help with the pushchair, where as older people just close the door on me or tut at me.

You're an ageist prick as well as a goady prick! - well done OP

I wouldn't, I have a hidden disability but you carnt tell by just looking. Best not to judge.

Totally unreasonable, those signs that have indicate you should do this, are just for fun!

It would depend on how well I'm feeling that day and how far I'm riding. If I have a long ride ahead of me, I'd really rather not. A short ride, I probably would, if I thought they looked like they were struggling.

I bloody wish they would. So tedious.

I don't know.. I'm writing this on the train as we speak . It's a 2.5 journey home from a day in meetings and I'm tired so I prebooked my seat to make sure I had one.
Should I really have to give up my seat to someone who didn't bother booking just because they have a toddler?
It's been a really long work week for me too..
Seems unfair.?
I do have 3 kids and always book ahead if we travel by public transport as opposed expect people to simply move for me??

Some lovely, polite responses on here.

Pregnant, elderly, disabled or injured, I would.

No. I'm disbanded and need it as much or more. I've had glares from mothers with young children for taking a seat instead of offering it to them.

Disabled not disbanded 😳

Should I really have to give up my seat to someone who didn't bother booking just because they have a toddler?

You do know you can't always book a seat? Like it's not an option, not just all booked. Some routes don't offer it so if you are stop x people before you will have taken all the seats.

I’ve always thought those most able to stand should offer seats to those less able. People with obvious mobility problems and the very elderly top the list. Heavily pregnant women next. Usually a baby would be in a pushchair or pram so less of a problem but if in a carrier, I’d offer. I’ve been known to prompt healthy young people to stand on crowded trains and can’t bear the pretence they haven’t noticed someone struggling. I’d expect children from about 7 to stand for older adults.

It's kind to offer a seat to someone who has a greater need, and that can include young children with poor balance and poor access to hold on to supports.

I've been grateful when people have offered a seat which allowed me to put a young child on each knee. Not terribly comfortable for me, but it was a more space efficient arrangement for crowded spaces and it turns out that both children have hypermobility and one has dyspraxia. He's older now and if there's limited seating, I'll prioritise him because he finds it awkward to get himself arranged into a stable standing position and still can't reach an adult range of grips. He's at higher risk than average of injuring himself.

Asking is awkward because a person may not be offering as they have invisible needs, and can put them in an awkward position.

I have a mobility issue, which would not necessarily be noticeable at first look. However, it means I can’t stand for long, as my balance is rubbish. It’s also pretty painful to stand.
i sometimes use a stick, when I know it will be crowded, so as to ‘show’ people that I might need some allowances made. It’s helpful in being able to show why I need to get a seat, or in the accessible area. Otherwise I look like a perfectly healthy 40-something.

Bur, yes, I often find it’s teenagers who will automatically give up a seat. I’m always very thankful, and stop short of saying that I’m sure their parents would be proud; but definitely think it!!

They can sit down though, and in much smaller spaces. They'd be perfectly safe in some luggage racks, for instance provided they're not sharing it with the luggage, obviously), sat next to Mum, or in a wheelchair/cycle area by her legs (. Depends on what type of train they run near you, how long this journey is for, and what a packed train actually looks like.

Did the guard not offer assistance?

I wouldn't offer them a seat myself, because I'm unstable when standing on trains, and I can assure you holding a toddler is going to be much less inconvenient than having a 6 foot woman flying about the train.

Can you explain how you can tell they're healthy? Is MS, cancer, fibromyalgia etc visible? You should never "prompt" anyone else to do this. By all means, do it yourself but you have no idea what hidden disabilities/issues those others have and you've then put them in a situation where they stand out of embarrassment . I had someone "helpfully" tell me to get up for someone elderly and out of embarrassment, I did but I'd just had extensive surgery and could barely stand. You have no idea how healthy someone is by looking at them.

Or the time I was on my way home from hospital having been treated for hyperemesis and was very unwell and was told to stand by someone helpful like yourself, for someone visibly pregnant who then argued with me...hopefully you'll think in future.

Yeah, I've been shamed by people like you, because I look "young and healthy." Most disabilities are invisible. Stop it.

I think you never know what hidden disabilities someone might have. My teen son is disabled and has problems with his joints that cause him pain. I wouldn't expect him to give up his seat but to everyone else he's a rude teen not giving up his seat to a mother and toddler. I don't think you can expect a seat on a packed train you can only hope an able bodied person might offer you theirs. But you can never tell who that is so I wouldn't say anything.

That's awful. Surely you cannot be proud of that? How judgemental and rude.

I'd stand, and have done. I was going on a mainline train journey shortly after a major derailment and the trains were all to pot. I had a reserved seat, but the train was packed from cancelled trains. Of course I got up. I do what I think is the right course of action in my circumstances. It is up to others what they do.

If I can stand and I saw they needed a seat, I would, I was in the bank today and gave up the seat when an elderly customer wanted to sit down.