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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was a bit cheeky of friend

131 replies

Jacketpotato65 · 02/12/2022 17:10

I met up with a friend for lunch, she's got a baby girl who's a few months old who is so lovely. The baby was mainly sleeping in her pram whilst we ate but started getting a bit restless so my friend took her out. I was eating my sandwich and then at some point my friend literally just gave me her baby without asking and said, 'Here you go, you can hold her now." Whilst I was still eating.
I love holding her and I would be more than happy to take her whilst my friend also ate, it's just that she didn't even ask and just literally thrust her into my arms.

OP posts:
Ivyblu · 02/12/2022 22:11

Create10 · 02/12/2022 22:05

I'm with you, OP. It's the mindset amongst some parents that anyone is lucky to hold their child.

You ought to find better friends if its making you have these thoughts

Americano75 · 02/12/2022 22:12

Jacketpotato65 · 02/12/2022 17:18

Fair enough, I just didn't know it was a done thing.

It's not a done thing, ignore the shitty replies.

FestiveFruitloop · 02/12/2022 22:24

She's just more comfortable with you than you are with her. No biggie. But it definitely shows as any friend would offer to hold the baby so mum could have a break. You've eaten every meal in peace whereas she probably hasn't had a hot coffee for a month.

She chose to have the baby, though. Why do so many people think parenthood automatically confers some sort of martyr/hero status on women?

I'd be interested to know if the responses would have been the same if the OP was a man. 🤔

Create10 · 02/12/2022 22:28

Ivyblu · 02/12/2022 22:11

You ought to find better friends if its making you have these thoughts

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None of my friends would expect me to hold their baby whilst I was eating.

WonderingWanda · 02/12/2022 22:31

I remember being the parent of a baby and never getting to eat hot food or finish a meal. Now I always take the baby when the Mum's are eating, even if I meal is more complicated than a sandwich.

StopMakingAppointments · 02/12/2022 22:35

YABU. If you go for lunch with a friend with a newborn I'd see part of it as giving them a bit of a break and a chance to eat! Met my good friend with her four month old last week, my three year old sat next to us and I held the baby whilst she ate. Totally normal procedure- you give the mother a rest!

Summerfun54321 · 02/12/2022 22:41

It’s pretty normal and polite to offer to hold a friend’s baby for them to give them a break. It doesn’t sound like you know that’s a thing, so your friend took control and made it happen.

Summerfun54321 · 02/12/2022 22:42

Americano75 · 02/12/2022 22:12

It's not a done thing, ignore the shitty replies.

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100% the done thing.

Americano75 · 02/12/2022 22:54

Summerfun54321 · 02/12/2022 22:42

100% the done thing.

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100%? Really? I've got 3 three children and never once did I thrust any of them on to anyone. I either asked politely or waited until the offer came. I certainly wouldn't expect someone to take my baby if they were eating either.

Ivyblu · 03/12/2022 06:39

Create10 · 02/12/2022 22:28

None of my friends would expect me to hold their baby whilst I was eating.

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This isn't a thing to me. My friend has done it for me and I've done it for them.

From ops working it's all exegerration.

chickchickpox · 03/12/2022 06:45

Maybe your friend was feeling overwhelmed at the time and needed some support with the baby? Whenever I go for lunch with a friend or family member and my baby starts crying they always offer to hold them for me so I can eat, even if they are still eating because they realise this is my life 24/7 with meals and not being able to finish them but not there's so they are happy to help out.

chickchickpox · 03/12/2022 06:47

Teadrinkingmumofone · 02/12/2022 17:25

The first thing I do when I meet my friend for a bite to eat or whatever is take her baby so she can drink her tea in peace. With us both having toddlers and her a baby too it's probably not very often she gets to her food or drink hot. I just do it because I'm a friend.

Maybe your friend thinks you're more of a friend than you are. I'm certain she doesn't realise you're as highly strung as this.

Can't believe what a big deal you're making of it.

Yes this exactly!

LynetteScavo · 03/12/2022 07:06

It wouldn't bother me at all. But then I'm fine with holding a baby and eating. Did the baby try to eat your sandwich? Grin

lap90 · 03/12/2022 08:33

FestiveFruitloop · 02/12/2022 21:48

Newsflash: not everyone likes holding babies.

And also: do people really think it incumbent on friends of new mums to offer to help them with their baby? And that doesn't strike anyone as being even a wee bit entitled? Blimey.

Surprised nobody has yet mentioned that the OP should have gone round to her friend's post lunch to clean her house and look after the baby while her friend has a nap.

MilkyBarKid1 · 03/12/2022 08:50

I am guilty of this myself, I didn't realise I was such a cheeky fucker. Sorry to all my friends.

arthurfonzerelli · 03/12/2022 10:08

I found those early days of holding a baby 24/7 excruciating to be honest. She was probably just at the end of her tether and desperate for a bit of respite.

4 months post partum. Not an easy time. I'd definitely be cutting her some slack.

arthurfonzerelli · 03/12/2022 10:10

PS to my post above...

Do you have kids OP?

I found it a million times easier going out with friends who'd had kids rather than friends with no kids in the early days.

Friends with kids instinctively helped with things like this. Friends with no kids were as frustrating as hell tbh. Sitting smiling and watching me struggle.

Axolotlquestions · 03/12/2022 10:22

Summerfun54321 · 02/12/2022 22:42

100% the done thing.

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It really isn't. It's never happened to me in all the years my friends were young mothers.

FestiveFruitloop · 03/12/2022 12:43

arthurfonzerelli · 03/12/2022 10:10

PS to my post above...

Do you have kids OP?

I found it a million times easier going out with friends who'd had kids rather than friends with no kids in the early days.

Friends with kids instinctively helped with things like this. Friends with no kids were as frustrating as hell tbh. Sitting smiling and watching me struggle.

I hope you didn't sideline your childless friends as a result.

arthurfonzerelli · 03/12/2022 15:22

@FestiveFruitloop I didn't, but I had to see them when I didn't have my kids because a couple of them were just a huge hindrance to be honest. Just a complete lack of understanding of what having a baby / small child is like and expecting my undivided attention at all times.

Although it wasn't as clear cut as childless vs friends with kids. I have some childless friends who were absolutely wonderful with them.

But the ones who weren't, yes, it got too hard trying to deal with them and young babies, so I had to see them only at times I didn't have the kids. Which wasn't a lot to be honest, so did result in seeing them less. Such is life.

arthurfonzerelli · 03/12/2022 15:24

I am a mother, albeit not much of a "baby holder". But I would 100% do it to give a new mother a break from the relentless of holding them 24/7.

Create10 · 05/12/2022 00:32

Ivyblu · 03/12/2022 06:39

This isn't a thing to me. My friend has done it for me and I've done it for them.

From ops working it's all exegerration.

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So your friend is sitting down to eat, and you think 'no, actually, better if I eat and DF can hold the baby'?

Come on. DF will say 'do you want me to hold her for a bit?'. You wouldn't say 'DF, I'm struggling to eat, so will you take my baby so I can eat warm food whilst yours gets cold?'

QuestionsFromThePublic · 05/12/2022 01:10

Your friends behaviour was a bit strange. It's odd to plonk her baby with someone, rude if if they are eating.

Even when I was out with my OH I would ask him to take over as a question. Even though we usually took turns eating.

If I was out with friends a small DC I just got on with it. I would ask for help if it all got too much. Is your friend like this generally?

One of my lovely friends doesn't have DC and never wanted to hold my babies. Totally fine with me.

Letthekidsplay · 05/12/2022 01:36

Jacketpotato65 · 02/12/2022 17:13

Still, I'd ask my friend first. I wouldn't just thrust my baby suddenly into their hands and say 'youre holding her now' when they were in the middle of eating something

How often do you think she gets to eat uninterrupted?? Are you actually her friend?? Seriously…..

Mamai90 · 05/12/2022 01:49

BlackCatTabbyCat · 02/12/2022 17:59

Yes and can guarantee if that was to happen the majority of posters would be piling on the OP calling them a cheeky fucker for expecting their friend to hold the baby while the friend was also eating. They would be told it's their baby and their problem and how cheeky it is to just expect your friend to hold your baby because on Mumsnet people just like to make the OP out to be in the wrong.

I agreed with you it was cheeky of your friend. I wouldn't be bothered if a friend done this to me I would probably have offered to hold the baby anyway to give her a break but there's no way I would have done this when mine were babies. She should have asked or waited until you were finished.

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I agree this is typical of mumsnet but I think it was all a bit of a non issue, I probably wouldn't do it but I don't think I'd be overly bothered if a friend did it to me. I probably wouldn't think twice about it.