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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was a bit cheeky of friend

131 replies

Jacketpotato65 · 02/12/2022 17:10

I met up with a friend for lunch, she's got a baby girl who's a few months old who is so lovely. The baby was mainly sleeping in her pram whilst we ate but started getting a bit restless so my friend took her out. I was eating my sandwich and then at some point my friend literally just gave me her baby without asking and said, 'Here you go, you can hold her now." Whilst I was still eating.
I love holding her and I would be more than happy to take her whilst my friend also ate, it's just that she didn't even ask and just literally thrust her into my arms.

OP posts:
Hashtagihearya · 02/12/2022 18:23

Yeah I think you could eat and hold the baby for 5 mins.

Bunda · 02/12/2022 18:27

Glad you're not my friend

Lalliella · 02/12/2022 18:35

Non issue.

caramac04 · 02/12/2022 18:40

I remember the days of never eating in peace as dc needed feeding or holding so I would definitely hold the baby and let friend eat in peace. It wouldn’t bother me if friend didn’t ask but I suppose it would be polite to have done.

tortiecat · 02/12/2022 18:43

I dont actually think YABU, OP. Reminds me of a friend who brought her six month old to my birthday lunch uninvited. Her husband had offered to look after him and he was formula fed (baby, not husband) but she wanted to bring him along as a present for me, apparently. She handed him over to me during the main course and refused to have him back as him being there was a treat for me, and slowly scoffed her own meal and dessert and several drinks. He was as good as gold provided he was being held and entertained, so got some early training in eating one handed before my DS arrived. I was annoyed but she's a tad sensitive so didn't want to say anything.

Pebbledashery · 02/12/2022 18:46

Such a non issue. Honestly. Get some real problems dear.

ScornedChicken · 02/12/2022 18:47

I can't tell you how amazing it is when you get to eat because baby is being held by someone else. One person has done this for me. Once. My grandad when he was alive and we'd gone to visit, just grabbed my son and paraded him around the place, showing him off. I got to eat one meal in peace. God it was luxury. Your friend is just a bit more forward than I ever was. Wishing I had been more like your friend tbh.

theleafandnotthetree · 02/12/2022 18:50

I'm so longing to hold a baby in my arms right now! And I'm not even a baby person!

Ficti · 02/12/2022 18:52

Can't believe you felt the need to post this - you must have quite a stress-free life OP!

Keeva2017 · 02/12/2022 18:53

Your friend thinks you are a closer and better friend that actually are. It’s her I feel sorry for. I bet she would be gutted if she knew you had posted this.

ouch321 · 02/12/2022 19:00

Of course she should have asked, 'Do you mind holding her?' Before plonking said child in your lap.

But there are a lot of ill mannered people and many of them frequent this forum as the thread replies so far show.

Thoughtful2355 · 02/12/2022 19:05

I wouldnt think it was wierd id have laughed and ate my sandwich whilst holding the baby..

Riapia · 02/12/2022 19:10

You should have placed the baby under the table and finished your lunch.

mrsbitaly · 02/12/2022 19:12

Yes it's rude and no your not being oversensitive. I absolutely wouldn't and have never don't this. When I've been out with a friend and I've been in this situation I've tended to my baby whilst my friend ate and only after have I asked if they minded holding my baby whilst I ate. It baffles me that people think that palming your child off to a friend whilst they are eating is OK without asking

roarfeckingroarr · 02/12/2022 19:16

I have friends I would do this to and friends I wouldn't. Sounds like friend thought you were the former and sadly you're the latter.

gettingolderandgrumpier · 02/12/2022 19:18

Tbh all the things that are cf this is low down . Why didn’t you say something? I never get these threads that say AIBU , well you should really speak up not complain about her on here most probably because anyone in real life would think the same and say so

Loics · 02/12/2022 19:26

ouch321 · 02/12/2022 19:00

Of course she should have asked, 'Do you mind holding her?' Before plonking said child in your lap.

But there are a lot of ill mannered people and many of them frequent this forum as the thread replies so far show.

Not really, I usually extend a written invitation before doing this sort of thing and expect one in return.
I'd be mortified if my friends felt comfortable in my presence!

SouperNoodle · 02/12/2022 19:27

Tbh I don't see the issue

girlmom21 · 02/12/2022 19:29

How long does it take to eat a sandwich?! You can eat a sandwich one handed.

What was your friend eating? If she was eating something hot you definitely should have offered.

Prizelighter · 02/12/2022 19:31

It's not really an issue, I'd have laughed and said 'After I've eaten!' if I didn't want to hold the baby.

However, I would always ask someone to help me with my baby, not just expect them to be happy to do so.

My brother was always very much about everyone else doing childcare when we saw his family and I'm more of the opinion that you choose to have children, you look after them. If someone offers, great. If you ask and someone says yes, great. But don't expect everyone to want to, all of the time!

Axolotlquestions · 02/12/2022 19:31

Jacketpotato65 · 02/12/2022 17:13

Still, I'd ask my friend first. I wouldn't just thrust my baby suddenly into their hands and say 'youre holding her now' when they were in the middle of eating something

Weird of her to shove the baby at you like that. I'd have been pissed off too.

MerryMarigold · 02/12/2022 19:46

Love a juicy CF thread. Very disappointed with this!

KarmaStar · 02/12/2022 19:47

What a non event.
seriously what sort of a wimp posts this?

Jb2182 · 02/12/2022 19:51

I used to hand my baby over a lot when I was suffering from postnatal depression and didn't feel like I was bonding with her. Any opportunity, I'd give her to someone else to hold. It was months later that I told people how I felt and that I'd been diagnosed with PND people would say "you had PND!? I had no idea! You seemed so happy" when really I couldn't wait for someone to take her off me. Does your friend seem OK in herself?

Comeonbarbiebrianharvey · 02/12/2022 20:04

Thanks I ll just finish my sandwich first? Or ok sure I ll just put it down?

I doubt she was thinking about your sandwich, she probably wasn't there for lunch, just to get out.

Maybe she's sleep deprived e.g. 4 month sleep regression, at the end of her rope. She might not have even had breakfast, that used to happen a lot to me.

Or if it's a PFB she may have genuinely thought you were waiting for your cuddle.

I doubt it was intentional, I'd cut her some slack OP.

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