DH WFHis not working

[Grumblegrumblegroan]

DH goes into his office 845 for his meeting. 2 yo ds cries as daddy has gone.

DH comes out of his office at 9 for breakfast.ds delighted.

DH goes back to his office at 930. Ds cries.

and out 945 for a poo

and back at 10

all.day.long.

As OP won't enlighten us, what is it that we're all missing that makes this scenario impossible?

I found it perfectly feasible in a tiny house (one toilet) with two 2 year olds, plenty of times when I couldn't be disturbed at all but never had to resort to cafes, so there must have been something that made the situation easier for me but I'm not sure what.

Ps. You are getting some weird and belligerent responses on here. Not sure why, maybe you are right about people being defensive about wfh (i wfh some of the time so I get it!)

^You are getting some weird and belligerent responses on here*

That's very true, it's all a bit strange isn't it? I'm sure every time WFH gets mentioned on here this happens.

Different personalities, different jobs? Or maybe those of us who find we can’t work at home with our toddlers are just a bit shit?

Anyway @Grumblegrumblegroan not too long until Christmas and you'll all get a break from it. As DS gets older he'll understand more that Daddy is working and not available.
Then you can come and have a vent about what the next stage brings.

It's easy to achieve that when someone is actually working. I go into office upstairs at 9, get out once for more coffee and toilet, then lunch, then once afternoon and that's all my leaving until 5. 3x. If I don't need a drink and have some in the office I go down only twice

The trouble with this thread is that the bunfight isn't even about WFH, it's starting a thread about a problem when OP just wants to moan and doesn't want solutions. Which is obviously annoying for anyone trying to help out with solutions.

This happens IRL as well, I can't stand people who vent about something and then reject every single solution I think of. Wtf do you want me to say then.

Sympathy?

If @Grumblegrumblegroan and I are the same person then I've lost a toddler somewhere. And gained a DH who WFH. 😆
I'm off to the pub soon <worries>.

@gannett very true

OP, grumble away!

I'm self-employed and have worked from home for years. I have a room as my office but I was also used to using the rest of my house as an extension of my office - sitting in the lounge to talk on the phone sometimes, wandering from room to room, sometimes working in the garden... peaceful bliss.

Then lockdown and dh was suddenly working from home too. I had the office space so he took up his place in the lounge. Suddenly the quiet home was filled with the furious sound of typing or a booming voice trying to be heard on a zoom call. I felt confined to my office, with the door shut, and even then I was dh's go-to-person if he wanted to rant about something that had just happened at work!

Was I lucky to have a home office - yes. Was I fortunate that we both had employment that continued during the pandemic - yes. Was I glad that our dc were grown up and left home and I didn't also have to juggle childcare and working - yes. Did it stop me from grmbling about it - no

It's much better if they work upstairs because you will literally forget they are there. Then you can 'have' downstairs. Is there any chance there is space upstairs?
Why the hell should you have to leave the house all day in winter?

It’s human instinct to want to offer solutions, to make things better. Humans are problem-solvers, generally.

You can offer sympathy and still have the urge to solve a problem if it looks like there’s an obvious solution. M

Tbh, usually the solution is ‘better communication’ but plenty of people don’t like that!

A four bedroomed house, on at least two floors, with only two adults and one toddler in it, is a big house.

I can't believe I need to actually say that. 🙃

I agree with you, but the previous poster didn’t seem to know what to say aside from the offering solutions bit, so I thought it might be helpful

You didn’t need to say that.
Not all 4 bedroomed houses are so big that people don’t notice others moving about in it. 🤷‍♀️

No one has said that though.

A four bedroomed house is a big house. Especially with very few people living in it.

Why on earth is it a problem if you can 'notice someone moving around the house'?

This is so bizarre.

@MarianneVos , maybe OP's house is quite open plan downstairs.

If her DH is in a downstairs study and walked through to take a break, use the loo, make a cup of tea etc, the toddler would run to him.
If someone is WFH, where they work needs to be away from the living areas.
I've been on zoom calls where little ones are interrupting and however sweet they are (they're usually gorgeous), it is a distraction.

Someone WFH in a separate room way from the main living area is not as likely to disrupt.

If it's a DH complaining about DW and DC making noise in the family home while he's WFH, then he's expecting the family home to be his office and HIBU.

Lots of people live in flats.

Where does your husband work in the house?

There are surely a few things that could make this easier like he eats breakfast first and doesn't keep popping in. If he's upstairs can't he use the bathroom up there so DS doesn't see?

Take a flask up so he doesn't have to come down for a hot drink.

To quote Mumsnet, you don't have a WFH problem you have a DH problem. He wants to see DS but isn't getting the message that it's unhelpful to pop in and out constantly. Instead he needs a set lunch and to stay in his office until you are out .

Then when you are back mid afternoon he makes sure he stays put til he finishes.

My dh mostly works from home and I love it. He worked from home 2 days a week before covid though whilst I was at work. He does drop offs whilst I usually do pick up. Your issue is your child crying each time daddy leaves. This isn't really an issue for me, dd2 is 15 months old and we play upstairs with her toys during the working day so she doesn't see much of her dad until lunchtime. I distract her if she does start to pine for her dad, we are out to baby groups and for walks a few days a week too. We treat it very much as a working day though so dh wouldn't be able to just hold her whilst I go to the loo etc. I crack on as if he wasn't there because he's not free to pitch in, he's working. He doesn't have a dedicated office space but works in our formal dining room and we eat at the kitchen table. Dd does sometimes winge for her dad and he'll give her a cuddle if he's inbetween calls.

If it isn't working and you are not willing to make adjustments then it needs to be discussed.

This is so bizarre

Ain't that the truth-the whole thread.

If OPs house is open plan downstairs he could work in one of their TWO spare bedrooms upstairs.

Or if he needs to be downstairs (equipment? Servers?) a spare bedroom or
two could be turned into a playroom.

But OP doesn’t want to hear any of that.

@BloodAndFire Agreed it’s so odd. I just don’t get why hearing/sensing your
husband in the house is a problem worthy of sympathy. Or distracting in any way.

I was thinking this! It feels identical.