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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bad parent award goes to me tonight

135 replies

Tusktusk · 01/12/2022 20:24

I forgot to attend my DC’s parents evening.

Here’s my list of excuses:
I have a very demanding job
I worked late
I have had a headache all day
DC isn’t with me this evening to remind me with their presence
Parents evening was online, not at school, which makes it seem less of an ‘event’ in my internal calendar
DC is doing fine by all available evidence so I have no concerns on my mind

But you know what, these are terrible excuses and I am struggling to forgive myself.

Feel like a truly shitty parent tonight.

OP posts:
greeandorange · 01/12/2022 22:30

Same here..

They put this weird booking system in place, emailed months ahead and I totally forget to register on the system and attend.

I felt a bit shit but he has a father and not sure what his excuse was?

What's your partners reason for missing it? If they live with you or are part of the DDs life?

girlmom21 · 01/12/2022 22:31

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet well then @Conkersareback shouldn't have tagged me because their comment bears no relevance to anything I've said on the thread. Weird.

EarringsandLipstick · 01/12/2022 22:31

I did read your post properly and expressed an opinion on what you said. We’re allowed to disagree with each other without needing to be rude and telling someone to go away.

Of course we are.

But you disagreed with a point completely out of context, and accused me of 'kicking someone when they were down'. I didn't, and I'm allowed to say that too.

You were rude, and I pointed it out.

greeandorange · 01/12/2022 22:32

BirmaBrite · 01/12/2022 21:49

Tried to drop one of mine off at school on an inset day, the lack of traffic/other people didn't register, they only bring it up occasionally when they want something

My DH did one better and actually left our DS in an empty playground and drove home.. don't ask.

42isthemeaning · 01/12/2022 22:33

Gilmorehill · 01/12/2022 21:20

The thing is teachers give up their free time for these evenings. Why should they give up even more to reschedule because you didn’t think it was important enough to remember?

It's not 'free time', surely it's directed time?
OP you could ask the form teacher if they could put out an email to your dc's subject teachers for any comments. Nil return means nothing to report of concern?

Conkersareback · 01/12/2022 22:36

girlmom21 · 01/12/2022 22:31

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet well then @Conkersareback shouldn't have tagged me because their comment bears no relevance to anything I've said on the thread. Weird.

What's weird? I tagged you and challenged your comment.

Please do. It tell me what I should or shouldn't do..... like a school teacher!

Conkersareback · 01/12/2022 22:37

@greeandorange OMG!

Please tell us how that was resolved!

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 01/12/2022 22:37

EarringsandLipstick · 01/12/2022 22:26

You just replied 'oops' and didn't actually say sorry?? 😳

That's so rude

Show quote history

No, I didn’t. I wasn’t especially sorry and we didn’t really need the 5 minute appointment as I’d been discussing his progress with her that week .

Gilmorehill · 01/12/2022 22:38

WhatHappenedToYoyos · 01/12/2022 21:28

@Gilmorehillit's not our free time. Parent's evenings come under our directed time within our working hours per year. Same as things like meetings before or after school hours, open evenings, INSET days etc.

Fortunately, the online system means they now actually run within our directed time but then it's quite brutal cutting off the chat mid sentence 🤣

I understand. But what about the rescheduled appointments?

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 01/12/2022 22:38

girlmom21 · 01/12/2022 22:31

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet well then @Conkersareback shouldn't have tagged me because their comment bears no relevance to anything I've said on the thread. Weird.

I’ve tagged the wrong person loads I think the quotation format really confuses people sometimes!

girlmom21 · 01/12/2022 22:38

@Conkersareback what comment of mine did you challenge? I genuinely don't understand

TheChosenTwo · 01/12/2022 22:38

In the last school I worked at this was classed as directed time, definitely not free time!!
Don’t feel too bad OP, it happens, humans are not programmed robots, mistakes are made.
You clearly do care otherwise you wouldn’t be feeling so rotten about it now.
Email the staff you were booked in to see - generally parents evenings shouldn’t be an awful surprise of ‘things that are going wrong’, they are a bit of a heads up as to areas of focus and targets. If there’s anything important to note teachers would be mostly happy to get this message across to you, and if they have major concerns I would expect they would already have contacted you. 💐

EarringsandLipstick · 01/12/2022 22:41

What's weird? I tagged you and challenged your comment.

Please do. It tell me what I should or shouldn't do..... like a school teacher!

You were incorrect tho?

Girlmom was correctly referring to a pp who mentioned apologising to a teacher & child (or not) and told the story that she merely said 'oops' when she missed a meeting.

That was what was being commented on, but you indicated that there was no mention of apologising to the teacher? Did you get posts mixed up?

EarringsandLipstick · 01/12/2022 22:42

No, I didn’t. I wasn’t especially sorry and we didn’t really need the 5 minute appointment as I’d been discussing his progress with her that week .

That's awful.

Why didn't you cancel the appointment so? Imagine just missing it, and then not having the courtesy to say sorry properly. 😳

ConnieTucker · 01/12/2022 22:42

42isthemeaning · 01/12/2022 22:33

It's not 'free time', surely it's directed time?
OP you could ask the form teacher if they could put out an email to your dc's subject teachers for any comments. Nil return means nothing to report of concern?

Show quote history

or, actually i have a shit load of other stuff to be constantly doing and do not have the time to add emailing parents to it.
Wait for the written report.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 01/12/2022 22:44

EarringsandLipstick · 01/12/2022 22:42

No, I didn’t. I wasn’t especially sorry and we didn’t really need the 5 minute appointment as I’d been discussing his progress with her that week .

That's awful.

Why didn't you cancel the appointment so? Imagine just missing it, and then not having the courtesy to say sorry properly. 😳

Meh. Probably because I’d butted heads with the teacher numerous times over the way my son was being treated especially by other children, and fuck all was being done, I didn’t really feel like apologising to someone so shit and incompetent at their job

EarringsandLipstick · 01/12/2022 22:46

I didn’t really feel like apologising to someone so shit and incompetent at their job

Ok, your situation sounds tough & complicated.

However you're conflating 2 things - the teacher's approach, and you missing a meeting.

You should still apologise for that & deal with the other matter separately.

greeandorange · 01/12/2022 22:47

Conkersareback · 01/12/2022 22:37

@greeandorange OMG!

Please tell us how that was resolved!

A neighbour of the school heard him crying, tracked done my phone number and called me, she took him in.

I was at work miles away so had to wait for my (no so)DH a to get home so I could contact him and tell him to hear straight back.

I was not impressed in the slightest but the dad guilt was so huge, me kicking off really wasn't going to help.

Palmface · 01/12/2022 22:47

Tusktusk · 01/12/2022 20:35

I think I’m most bothered about how I will explain it to DC when they ask. They will think I don’t care.

The fact that you're so upset and sorry will show your dc that you do care.

My parents never attended even one parents evening for my 6 years of high school (I'm in Australia). They were dismissive of the teachers, assumed I was fine, and clearly just didn't want to engage. That was really hurtful, particularly their attitude to it all. If my dp missed one for any of these reasons and felt the way you do, I would have been reassured.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 01/12/2022 22:53

EarringsandLipstick · 01/12/2022 22:46

I didn’t really feel like apologising to someone so shit and incompetent at their job

Ok, your situation sounds tough & complicated.

However you're conflating 2 things - the teacher's approach, and you missing a meeting.

You should still apologise for that & deal with the other matter separately.

I probably should have but hey no one’s perfect.

Not going to do it now, it was nearly 2 years ago I’d be pegged as a massive weirdo 🤣

123woop · 01/12/2022 22:56

Oh I didn't do my DC's parents evening either this term 🤣 I had no concerns and I felt like if there was a problem they would come and tell me when I pick her up (they do this with other parents!)

Tummytroubles22 · 01/12/2022 22:58

Don’t stress it, I always think if things were bad you would hear before parents evening.

I once booked DD’s birthday party, sent invites then had a few RSVPs that they couldn’t attend as DC had nursery that day. It then dawned on me that my own DD, the child the party was for, was also at nursery during it. TBF I had a 5 day old baby when I booked it.

MoreSleepPleasee · 01/12/2022 23:00

Wish that's all I'd done 😆 no biggie op don't waste another second on it.

MoreSleepPleasee · 01/12/2022 23:02

I guess my sons is coming up but I'm not doing it as I'm in contact with his teachers anyway through the week. Would waste both our time.

babynoname22 · 01/12/2022 23:02

As a teacher I wouldn't mind if an email came in saying I'm really sorry I forgot. Can you let me
Know via email if you have concerns

Explain all the reasons to DC. At 14 they need to learn a bit of compassion. It's not the end of the world. Don't be too harsh in yourself

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