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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bad parent award goes to me tonight

135 replies

Tusktusk · 01/12/2022 20:24

I forgot to attend my DC’s parents evening.

Here’s my list of excuses:
I have a very demanding job
I worked late
I have had a headache all day
DC isn’t with me this evening to remind me with their presence
Parents evening was online, not at school, which makes it seem less of an ‘event’ in my internal calendar
DC is doing fine by all available evidence so I have no concerns on my mind

But you know what, these are terrible excuses and I am struggling to forgive myself.

Feel like a truly shitty parent tonight.

OP posts:
Echobelly · 01/12/2022 21:34

Don't beat yourself up about it. I'm the family's diary and the organising brain for two other people (DS has ADHD, DH probably has it) and I've learned that if something slips it's because I have too much to organise so some of it is going to give because no one could keep on top of all of it flawlessly. Talking to teachers is not a one off, won't hurt DS emotionally or achievement-wise and can be rearranged, so don't feel bad. Especially as there aren't likely to be any issues.

Cbtinfoplease · 01/12/2022 21:35

Good grief …. Is that all
you did? I was preparing for a horrendous post 😂 I’ve forgotten the tooth fairy twice oh and booked a holiday once over a child’s birthday… teenager at the time … other than that I am fairly perfect parent !! It happens … it’s how you ‘ deliver the excuse ‘ that counts!

Cbtinfoplease · 01/12/2022 21:40

I would go with “ internet issues”…. “Which is really disappointing” … ‘ and ask for a brief overview from core subjects …. Good luck and congratulations on being human xx

DramaAlpaca · 01/12/2022 21:42

@Tusktusk I did the same when DS was around 14. I got the day wrong, thought it was on Wednesday when it was actually on Tuesday. I was mortified, it's the only one I ever missed of my three boys' parents' evenings. DS was a little upset too, but understood it was a genuine mistake. If it helps, teachers will know you are a parent who attends regularly and will realise it's not because you couldn't be bothered. You're juggling a lot, sometimes a ball gets dropped but it doesn't mean you're a bad parent, not at all.

WonderingWanda · 01/12/2022 21:45

Tell your dc that the parents evening site crashed....this happens a lot.

Then send am email to school to apologise and ask the teachers to email a quick update.

You are not a bad parent by a long shot op!

girlmom21 · 01/12/2022 21:45

Write a note for DS to give his teachers with an apology.

BirmaBrite · 01/12/2022 21:49

Tried to drop one of mine off at school on an inset day, the lack of traffic/other people didn't register, they only bring it up occasionally when they want something

MonkeysNeverLie · 01/12/2022 21:49

I’ve done this. Only once, also felt shit, could’ve written the same list. All forgotten now!

wildlifeobserver1 · 01/12/2022 21:52

My parents never went to parents evening as they thought I was doing fine and if there was an issue, they’d trust the teachers to contact them!

kateandme · 01/12/2022 21:52

Just say to dc.shiy parenting award luv.got my dates mixed up.ive emailed for a 're schedule.is there anyone you particularly want me to talk to or ask?

Original poster
Tusktusk · 01/12/2022 21:53

Thanks everyone.

I feel like an idiot for forgetting and now thanks to you lot I feel like an idiot for beating myself up about it!

I have emailed the teachers to apologise and gone with the line of “only reply if you have any concerns”.

Feeling much better.

Just hope DC isn’t too bothered when I tell them 😕

OP posts:
Miss03852 · 01/12/2022 21:53

I put every single appointment in my iPhone calendar and set the reminder option, otherwise I’d forget everything

EarringsandLipstick · 01/12/2022 21:54

It's not great. I'm not sure how you forgot tbh.

However, it happened, you feel bad, we all make mistakes / drop the ball.

Just apologise and check what options are available in lieu of attendance. Don't continue to feel bad. 💐

Dogsinthecradle · 01/12/2022 21:56

I once had a precious hospital appointment for one of mine
i don’t drive so it was a long trek,in one of the worst snow storms we’d had to get there
not only did I have the wrong date (a month early) but I had the wrong department as I’d brought the wrong child
my only saving grace that day was I did have the right time

it happens

Strokethefurrywall · 01/12/2022 21:57

Holy shit, you've just reminded me that I have parent teacher conference online in an hour!!!!

Sorry OP, it's so, so easily done! But I'm grateful this thread reminded me!

TheOrigRights · 01/12/2022 21:57

We had a power cut in our village today. Just saying.....

Original poster
Tusktusk · 01/12/2022 22:00

I’m glad some good came from my crappiness Wink

OP posts:
Bobbybobbins · 01/12/2022 22:01

Ah online parents' evenings! I am on my third in 3 weeks for different year groups. Had some great ones last night - couldn't hear parent so had to do thumbs up/thumbs down to check she could hear me. Another one was sitting on her stairs, presumably to get reception but still lost her half way through.

KatyN · 01/12/2022 22:02

One time I'd written parents evening in my diary. I's just had my son's parents evening so I had obviously made a mistake and put it on the wrong day.
I deleted it and didn't go.

Turns out I have two children. Who knew??

ElizabethBest · 01/12/2022 22:04

Never forget that David Cameron left his kid behind in a pub…..

mothertrucking · 01/12/2022 22:05

OP I've done the same thing tonight. Totally slipped my mind, i hadn't written it on the calendar I feel lousy but it's not the end of the world.

Original poster
Tusktusk · 01/12/2022 22:08

Just to add, my DCs dad (my ex) is an absolute charmer who will use any opportunity he can to point out what a shit parent I am (while doing very little parenting himself) so that’s an extra layer of crap to this crap story. If he finds out (which he likely will) he’ll be over the moon at the confirmation of his low opinion of me. Not that it will make him ask to have to have DC more (seeing as he’s so great and I’m not) - no, he’ll just leave them to their fate with their shit mum and judge from a distance. So that’ll be fun.

OP posts:
TheNoodlesIncident · 01/12/2022 22:09

I think being a bad parent would be never going to a single parents' evening or any kind of event that your child was involved in, even though you could. I'm sure I've heard from teachers that there are some parents who are never arsed enough to turn up for things. Forgetting once? Nah...

coodawoodashooda · 01/12/2022 22:10

historygeek · 01/12/2022 20:33

If it helps, I quite like it when a parent misses an online appointment- it means I can go for a wee!

Yeah. Exactly this.

SunlightThroughTrees · 01/12/2022 22:10

EarringsandLipstick · 01/12/2022 21:54

It's not great. I'm not sure how you forgot tbh.

However, it happened, you feel bad, we all make mistakes / drop the ball.

Just apologise and check what options are available in lieu of attendance. Don't continue to feel bad. 💐

This is called kicking someone when they’re down. Plus, you’re not sure how someone forgot something, really?

OP- as lots of people have said, you’re human, you forgot something. It happens, especially when you’re unwell, exhausted and working in a stressful job. Too many plates to spin today. If a friend said they had done this and felt bad what would you say to them? Try to treat yourself as kindly as you would a friend.