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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bad parent award goes to me tonight

135 replies

Tusktusk · 01/12/2022 20:24

I forgot to attend my DC’s parents evening.

Here’s my list of excuses:
I have a very demanding job
I worked late
I have had a headache all day
DC isn’t with me this evening to remind me with their presence
Parents evening was online, not at school, which makes it seem less of an ‘event’ in my internal calendar
DC is doing fine by all available evidence so I have no concerns on my mind

But you know what, these are terrible excuses and I am struggling to forgive myself.

Feel like a truly shitty parent tonight.

OP posts:
FlamingJingleBells · 01/12/2022 21:00

I've done it when dd was in year 6. It's so common to miss an online parents meeting. Even though it's more convenient than an in person event, it's actually easier to miss.

AlbertaAnnie · 01/12/2022 21:03

Don’t worry op - these things happen a mothers load is heavy! Iv forgotten all sorts of stuff - dentist, picking up prescriptions, vets appointments! My husband once came home from work and forgot to collect our son from the childminders 🤣
the teachers were probably pleased to get the extra 5 mins and as others have said any major issues would have been flagged up!

jtlr · 01/12/2022 21:06

Just say your computer wouldn't connect to the zoom/teams and ask to reschedule

blueskyeve · 01/12/2022 21:07

I've missed an online parents evening too. I did feel really awful at the time, and embarrassed at what the teacher would think. A day or two later I mentioned it to another parent who told me that she had done the same! Made me feel better.

It happens. Please don't beat yourself up.

GraceandMolly · 01/12/2022 21:07

@Butterlover1 I forgot to pick them up from after school club yesterday. Got my days mixed up and thought they were at their dads, came home from work, had a glass of wine, sat on the sofa for 45 mins, get a call from after school club at 6.05pm asking where I was. Couldn't drive after drinking. Had to ask neighbour to give me a 5 min lift to the school to collect them. 😂

you win. This is hillarious. 😆

BrightSaturn · 01/12/2022 21:07

Anything they will say will be in your child’s report. I wouldn’t worry, if anything you’ve given that teacher a 5 minute break to go to the toilet or get a drink!

LlynTegid · 01/12/2022 21:08

Ask to reschedule, at least with the most important subjects, in my opinion English and Maths.

amonsteronthehill · 01/12/2022 21:12

Toastedflatbread · 01/12/2022 20:26

You aren’t the first or last. Honestly, please don’t beat yourself up, just give the teacher a call and get an over the phone conversation.

Um, no.

The teachers I know whose parents just haven't 'shown up' this week are rightly cross about those that then wanted to reschedule. They blocked out 2 after school evenings to do these meetings; they don't want to be randomly doing more because these parents 'forgot'. They have their own families and lives.

jackstini · 01/12/2022 21:12

Ds's was last week. Teams completely failed 2 mins before and could not get on at all

I emailed them all with an apology, said if all is good, don't worry about replying. If you want to let me know of anything then happy to email or have a call

Got 4 emails out of 12 teachers; feel sorted

5128gap · 01/12/2022 21:13

Any one of those reasons is valid, never mind all of them. You're a human being with multiple things to juggle. If there's no issues, you'll basically have missed a few rounds of 'he's doing really well' 'next term we'll be looking at...' that in the scheme of things is neither here nor there.
If you're worried the school will judge you or you really want to reschedule tell them your internet dropped out.

Cherryblossoms85 · 01/12/2022 21:17

I don't understand why this is bad parenting. It's just forgetting something that happens to relate to your kids. I forgot to do a deck my boss wanted, since I don't think that makes me a bad person, why would forgetting anything else?

KatyS36 · 01/12/2022 21:18

You made a mistake. Noone has died and consequences are not serious.

I would apologise (school plus DC), ask the school if you have anything to be concerned about as others have suggested, then forgive yourself.

This is not bad parenting.

Hugs

Gilmorehill · 01/12/2022 21:20

The thing is teachers give up their free time for these evenings. Why should they give up even more to reschedule because you didn’t think it was important enough to remember?

Joshanddonna · 01/12/2022 21:22

When I first started teaching a million years ago a mum forgot to pick up her child and we couldn't get hold of any family member so she had to be housed by social services for the night.
That is bad parenting.
You're great - you just forgot.

PicturesOfLily · 01/12/2022 21:24

I agree these things happen. I had 2 parents miss my virtual parents evening this week and a couple of others didn’t make appointments. Please get in touch with the head of year rather than individual teachers though. They will have an overview and can coordinate replies.

BeGentlePeeps · 01/12/2022 21:26

Could have written this myself last month!

Begged forgiveness from son and teacher. My son had forgotten to, and teacher said she was delighted to grab a cup of tea and a wee.

Welcome to the bad parent club of ‘children doing fine’

surreygirl1987 · 01/12/2022 21:27

just give the teacher a call and get an over the phone conversation.

Sure... because teachers don't do anything during the working day, like teach... 🙄

Honestly, don't worry about having missed it. It's fine. Things happen. BUT please don't push for another appointment, as another poster has suggested. As a teacher who finished a parents' evening at 9pm this eve, that would drive me mad. Imagine if everyone did that!

WhatHappenedToYoyos · 01/12/2022 21:28

@Gilmorehillit's not our free time. Parent's evenings come under our directed time within our working hours per year. Same as things like meetings before or after school hours, open evenings, INSET days etc.

Fortunately, the online system means they now actually run within our directed time but then it's quite brutal cutting off the chat mid sentence 🤣

XmasElf10 · 01/12/2022 21:29

Yeah, been there and done that. Not my finest parenting hour but also no one died! My excuse is a heavy workload, a big job, a dog, a kid, dinner and …. Poof, gone from the head.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 01/12/2022 21:29

I’m a teacher. Since parents evenings moved to being virtual via schoolcloud I usually have several parents who don’t bother booking appointments at all and then rarely get more than half the parents who did book actually turn up to the appointment they booked onto. You are definitely not alone and it’s easily done, I regularly forget about virtual meetings I have booked in whereas I rarely forgot about face-to-face ones, for some reason they just don’t seem to register in the same part of my brain as regular appointments,

TheaBrandt · 01/12/2022 21:29

I would brazen it out with the child in question. Don’t go in all mournful / apologetic / whipping yourself with birch twigs. Just a breezy “I’m human dropped a ball apologies - are there any teachers you think I should catch up with?”. If you make a huge self denigrating fuss the message isn’t great for them when they inevitably cock up.

Fairislefandango · 01/12/2022 21:31

@Gilmorehillit's not our free time. Parent's evenings come under our directed time within our working hours per year.

True, but doing catch-up calls for parents who forgot isn't.

Yes it's a bit rubbish, OP, but it doesn't make you a bad parent. If you were actually a bad parent who didn't care, you wouldn't be beating yourself up about it!

NotSorry · 01/12/2022 21:32

I forgot my child was at the school disco once. I said to DH ought to be getting DS3 into bed - we looked at each other and went shiiiiitttttt!! We were only 5 minutes late but he was the only one still standing there with a teacher when I screeched up. He is now at university but every now and then reminds me about it to make me feel bad

ohfook · 01/12/2022 21:33

Generally I have about 3 or 4 parents forget every single time. Don't worry about it!

Cakeandcardio · 01/12/2022 21:34

I'm a teacher. Of course you can't reschedule in the sense of it being the same but you can phone the school and apologise and ask for an update from all of her teachers (most likely via email). I've had parents forget or something happened etc and it's not much hassle at all to write a short update. Don't be hard on yourself. Things happen.