To disagree with social services?

[Lilyfrilly]

I’m hoping someone here works in social services or just has some knowledge and advice.
name changed for this post.
my 4 children have been on a child protection plan since February this year. We go to core group meetings every 6 weeks with the professionals, to discuss how the plan is going and if we’ve done what has been asked of us.
we’ve gone from having a bad relationship with some of the professionals, to having a good one and working well together on the plan.
at each meeting, all the professionals are asked to give us marks out of 10. It’s gone from 3/4 to 7/8- the last few meetings have been really positive. Social worker visits unannounced at least once a week, and is always satisfied.
our next conference is in January. This is where the decision will be made on if we need to stay on child protection or can go down to child in need plans.
there is nothing more I can do than what I have done. Things are going well.
however, my social worker has said not to get my hopes up as although things are going well now, they have concerns things might not go so well again in the future.
bit surely in that case, we would just go back up to child protection again.
If that is the reason they use to keep us on the CP plan, then they could always say that reason since no one can see into the future. So my question is…. If at the next conference, it’s decided we need to stay on child protection, would I be wise to just accept that or can I challenge it? I can’t see how we would still meet the threshold but I’m anxious now.
i feel like I can’t do any more than what I have. I’ve also heard CP plans can’t last more than 2 years. But the thought of another year of this…

I totally agree

It sounds like you’ve made huge strides OP and well done for that.

I wouldn’t be in any hurry to pull the rug from under you though. It sounds like a really excellent level of support for your family, which will in turn give you the best possible chance of continuing to improve your own mental health and parenting, and your partner to put further clear blue water between himself and his own breakdown.

It also means your children are seeing hard evidence of how you are trying to right any wrongs that they experienced. Much better that than in 10 or 20 years them remember you pushed away help that was needed.

This way you can all move forward together. I think the advice to reframe your thoughts about the CPP is wise. I’d hang onto it as long as you can.

Sorry that should have said i totally agree with you @FuckMyLife2022

Are you familiar with freedom of speech?

The OP is as entitled as anyone else to ask what she wants. Like any anonymous forum you can never know the truth about what anyone is saying.

I just wanted to say @Lilyfrilly, how well you come across in this whole thread. You sound to be grabbing all the help available and very keen to get support for each member of your family.

No one who hasn’t walked in your shoes can understand how tough it’s been. And one child with complex needs is a huge demand, let alone three others with medical needs, and both you and your partner having health issues of your own. I have seen a fraction of what you have, and I think what you have had to do would have broken me and most people.

But I think two things:

1. Stay on the CPP, keep soaking up the help. If there are overly burdensome elements ask for help, perhaps can some things be done via telephone?
2. Give yourself a higher score. You deserve it.

Do you think these threads shouldn't be allowed because she might be misinformed by lay people or because she should sit in isolation and contemplate what a bad human she is? She has as much right to ask for advice and talk through her feelings as anyone.

As for "well maybe she's lying!!", maybe everyone is! On that basis, why even come on here?

Accept it, don’t fight it. You and your family obviously had lots of troubles if you were at 4 and now at 7 on the scale. 7 is not 10 though, so there must be some outstanding concerns. In your position, it’s a marathon not a sprint. If what you are focused on is getting off CP rather than the issues that remain and the reasons why you got to CP in first place, you need to reflect on this.

It sounds like you are doing an amazing job at turning everything around, and it's great to hear that Children's Service has been helpful and that you have also got the support you need.

I just want to wish you and your family all the best

OP, it sounds like you and your family have had a horrible few years and with support from social care, you have been able to access the right help for everyone. Some of the comments on your thread have been so unkind and judgemental!

Keep going with the support for as long as it is offered. Take the time to ensure your children access all the support they need and process any trauma, and for you to protect your mental health as much as possible. There is no need to rush. Take small steps to ensure all the fantastic changes you have made are sustainable in the long term.

Good luck 🙂

You're doing well. You're making progress, such a positive. You've got a lot on your plate but you recognise the support social services give you and your children, who seem to enjoy the contact. Try to think of the continued monitoring as a positive thing, not a punishment, regard it as a way for you to develop your parenting skills.

My kids went on a child protection plan in July,
I made my feelings perfectly clear to each and every professional involved in our lives. I was angry because of the category they went under.
I’ve never been so damn savage!
long story short I fought bloody hard and had a frank conversation with my 15 dd about what was happening. She she understood,
I started choosing my words wisely as my cries for help got me onto that plan. I was taken off by the next conference in October.
I have the same social worker and the same professionals involved, only our child in need meetings revolve around the plan that was made in October. There were concerns that things would slip so I’ve made it clear to the kids they need to start cooperating, and also made it clear I knew I needed to do things differently.
now I get the social worker every 2 weeks!
it was made clear to me I’d be back in a child protection plan if needed. I don’t intend to let it get that far again!
many questions feel free to message me.
therea details about my case I don’t wish to put on a parenting site but happy to discuss with you!

Reading your posts Op I really admire you - you are dealing with something that most people (all people) would find incredibly difficult - constant monitoring of your parenting and family life

I think it sounds incredibly valuable what you are being offered and I would not be too quick to push them away.

I presume you have had trauma and emotional issues in your own past - recognise that this is just trying to step up and give you support you have lacked in the past.

@Lilyfrilly I hope you don't mind me asking but given how many positives changes you & your family have experienced, why would not want it to continue for as long as possible?

I don't have children so realise I might be naive in asking but what is the downside given it's working so well & finally you & your family got the support you needed.

You have a challenging family life. You can't beat yourself over everything you could have done differently in the past. You said in one of your posts that you can't be a good mother if your kids are on a CP plan. I disagree, circumstances led to the cp plan, a good mother engages with that plan to improve things. You have done that.

And nobody on here can judge you unless they have walked a mile in your shoes OP . I think its brave of you to come on here and talk about where you have made mistakes.

Complete shite. There isn’t a “waiting list” of families! If more referrals come in, your caseload gets larger.

I am a children's social worker, have been for the past 10 years.

anyway OP I know we don’t know the details but you are coming across well on here. You aren’t trying to minimise the concerns and it sounds like you’ve worked well with the social worker, and your children would have benefited from that.

I think, as other have said, that as these changes are still quite new after a time of needing ongoing support, they might want to ensure that the changes are truly sustainable before stepping you down to a child in need plan. Maybe ask them at the conference: okay, so I’m up to 7 or 8. What else do I need to do to get to 9?

I also think reframing to look at the positives is a good idea and I can see you’ve been able to do that, which again reflects well on you.

Best wishes.

OP, because of SS's intervention and your willingness to engage with them, I think your DC stand a good chance of leading happy lives going forward. That's what you have achieved. Be proud of that and keep up the determination to follow advice and take support that's offered.

Personally I would list our all of the things you already have and state that you don't believe that you need a plan any more and why.

I'd also thoroughly recommend saying thank you for their help and support and that you trust their judgement as to whether further support is needed, but that you feel confident you are ok now.

having a "child in need" plan is by no means easy in terms or visits and intrusion though (I have been there due to domestic violence and they very day he left the home they closed their concerns).

Best wishes x

I trusted and worked with our social worker 100% and she was fantastic

I have never seen an OP on here take criticism as solidly as @Lilyfrilly .
I genuinely hope you are finding things easier now you finally have some support 💐

How do you know anyone on MN is being honest? If you don’t take people at face value on an anonymous forum, what’s the point in participating in them?

OP, how refreshing to see a post where SS got it right and have been helpful - they are usually slagged off, and any good work they do is ignored or unknown. I wish you and your family all the best - life is hard at the moment for everyone and life is grim, so I wonder if they are staying more involved in case that makes you more vulnerable.

I have read all your comments so can see you see it from a better perspective now in terms of the support etc. I hope you continue on a positive path and your family live happily and safely x

I wish you had received the help you needed before SS had to get involved in this way. It's clear now that you would probably never have been to go up to CP if you'd received adequate health care. And now you've got it, it's hard to see the point. However it's lovely for your children to have the extra input now they've sadly had a difficult time and it keeps you near the front of the queue for help, it would seem. But it all seems quite different when one knows that you were refused the help you needed while on CiN. It's not as if you were doing nothing!

I work in health but attend CP reviews….we used to use a safety score of 1 to 10….but stopped since covid…we now just say …yes we feel it still meets the threshold for CP …… or no it doesn’t and can be stepped down to a CIN …..very rarely ….but occasionally stepped down to early help……when we used to score …..any score of above 5 was generally stepped down to a CIN…..then again you could have one professional score a 7 and the next a 3…..but at the end of the day the scores didn’t count towards a decision…it was what threshold a professional felt was met…..thus the scores were abandoned in 2021

Can I echo this post, please?

Op, keeping working hard and staying well for you and your children. I have so much respect for you. Parenting is tricky enough without complex needs.