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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums best friend dating my ex!

145 replies

lucie333 · 30/11/2022 10:03

Am I being unreasonable to think this is incredibly weird? He is 23 she is 40, me and him went out most of our childhood which she would often see us, she thinks she's not doing anything wrong, and my mum is still friends with her and I just can't understand why! Maybe I'm over thinking it

OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 01/12/2022 15:26

Dartmoorcheffy · 01/12/2022 15:19

But she also says they dated from age 12 to 17, so hardly a paedophile if he was messaging girls a year younger really, ie 15 is underage but I wouldn't class that as being a paedophile.

Show quote history

Maybe not a paedophile if he was underage himself.
But he was not - so he is definitely a paedo/hebephile -

I just want to add yes we were only 17 but he was messaging a barely 13 year old! He also had a baby with a 15 year old when he was 20

5128gap · 01/12/2022 15:48

DesertIslandCondiment · 01/12/2022 14:51

People have different morals obviously.

I think it's quite normal for a person to feel weird that the person who was their first proper relationship is now sleeping with their close adult family member/friend.

So no I don't think OP is being controlling, she is upset and feels weird about it. The older woman just looks desperate.

I think its weirder that in this whole mess, the most important factor for the OP is her perception that she has been personally 'betrayed'.
A (by the OPs own admission) vulnerable woman with a teen daughter (who is presumably a 'cousin' to the OP?) is dating a man with a history of preying on teen girls, including impregnating one of them, with sufficient potential risk that a social worker is going to make a SG referral.
Yet we have an OP centering herself and her feelings in the situation, because he's her ex and the age gap feels weird, and other posters who despite the drip feed, still see the age gap and the faux family history as the most pertinent takeaway.

Meggymoo777 · 01/12/2022 15:51

@5128gap I understand what you're saying but OP is more than entitled to focus on herself and her own hurt / disgust / unease. This woman is grown and is responsible for herself and her daughter... not OPs responsibility imo

Sushi7 · 01/12/2022 15:55

lucie333 · 30/11/2022 13:51

@DesertIslandCondiment yes she is well aware of all this information! She probably doesn't think of it as a big deal, but it is

Well she is creepy for dating a man she watched grow up (when she was a grown woman). It is alarming that she’s not bothered that her new bf had sex with a 15 year old when he was 20. Especially as she has a 15 year old Dd. Both of them are setting off so many alarm bells. The teen Dd needs to be protected.

Original poster
lucie333 · 01/12/2022 16:24

Wow some people really are reaching 🤣 this is a women who was my mums best friend through out her childhood, this is a woman who I called my auntie, this is a women who spends Christmas with us. I obviously care about her daughters welfare! It's her who's got her priority's mixed up! She is putting her daughter at risk! Not me! I obviously find it disturbing she is continuing the relationship after me telling her he got a underaged girl pregnant! That is obviously my main concern! I was mearly asking for peoples opinions on if I was being unreasonable for feeling hurt that someone who I call auntie is dating my ex? I obviously didn't need to ask peoples opinions on the fact she's dating someone who likes minors because obviously that's gross! People really do like to make things up on here 🤣 some of yous think you know the whole situation from a small post! Get back in your lane before calling me controlling for expressing my FEELINGS! My question is would you date your nieces ex? No didn't think so!

OP posts:
Original poster
lucie333 · 01/12/2022 16:28

@5128gap 🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
DesertIslandCondiment · 01/12/2022 16:44

Meggymoo777 · 01/12/2022 15:51

@5128gap I understand what you're saying but OP is more than entitled to focus on herself and her own hurt / disgust / unease. This woman is grown and is responsible for herself and her daughter... not OPs responsibility imo

Exactly.

DesertIslandCondiment · 01/12/2022 16:47

lucie333 · 01/12/2022 16:24

Wow some people really are reaching 🤣 this is a women who was my mums best friend through out her childhood, this is a woman who I called my auntie, this is a women who spends Christmas with us. I obviously care about her daughters welfare! It's her who's got her priority's mixed up! She is putting her daughter at risk! Not me! I obviously find it disturbing she is continuing the relationship after me telling her he got a underaged girl pregnant! That is obviously my main concern! I was mearly asking for peoples opinions on if I was being unreasonable for feeling hurt that someone who I call auntie is dating my ex? I obviously didn't need to ask peoples opinions on the fact she's dating someone who likes minors because obviously that's gross! People really do like to make things up on here 🤣 some of yous think you know the whole situation from a small post! Get back in your lane before calling me controlling for expressing my FEELINGS! My question is would you date your nieces ex? No didn't think so!

No, most normal, intelligent, respectful older woman would not sleep with her Niece's ex who was 17 years younger and she'd had known since he was 12.

It's not as if they will end up together forever so she is choosing a few months of sex over your feelings.

THEDEACON · 02/12/2022 00:46

It's absolutely none of your business and they are consenting adults not doing anything wrong Grow up and move on

poefaced · 02/12/2022 00:49

THEDEACON · 02/12/2022 00:46

It's absolutely none of your business and they are consenting adults not doing anything wrong Grow up and move on

RTFT. OP says ‘we were only 17 but he was messaging a barely 13 year old! He also had a baby with a 15 year old when he was 20! He clearly has a liking to little girls, she also has a daughter who is 15!’

This should be everyone’s business.

poefaced · 02/12/2022 00:50

THEDEACON · 02/12/2022 00:46

It's absolutely none of your business and they are consenting adults not doing anything wrong Grow up and move on

Are you a man?

Plumnora · 02/12/2022 01:29

KimberleyClark · 30/11/2022 10:59

Um, what? I assumed OP was the same age as the guy her mum’s friend is dating.

Show quote history

Did you not read the comment the OP made stating that she broke up with him because he was messaging underage girls? And that her mum’s friend knows this but isn’t bothered by it?

MyMumSaysALot · 02/12/2022 01:42

lucie333 · 30/11/2022 10:18

I don't think he's the venerable one, she is. I love her very much and I've told her she can no longer be in my life, I broke up with him because he was messaging underage girls when we were together but she doesn't care, she's just got out of a 7 year same sex relationship so I think she is extremely confused, she keeps saying he treats me well and tells me he loves me I think she just wants someone to love her and she doesn't care who! 😒

@lucie333
You’ve just described my sister to a tee.
And now she flinches when my BIL kisses her.
All in all, it’s very sad.
I’m sorry for your aunt and I’m sorry for you.

nalabae · 02/12/2022 01:46

Weird but she isn’t your friend.
maybe you feel away because you didn’t end on good terms?

nalabae · 02/12/2022 01:48

Sorry just read the update.
she is vile.
being with any man who is interested in abusing young girls for their own frills is disgusting
stay far away from these people and your mum needs to rethink being around this woman

HotChoxs · 02/12/2022 05:06

If it's your business why didn't you shop him for getting an underage girl pregnant?

Waiteflower · 02/12/2022 05:19

HotChoxs · 02/12/2022 05:06

If it's your business why didn't you shop him for getting an underage girl pregnant?

How exactly was OP going to stop him from getting an underage girl pregnant?

SafariRushHour · 02/12/2022 05:32

did you report him to the police? If not, do it today. Forget your mums friend, he is accessing dodgy images online and must be reported.

piesforever · 02/12/2022 06:30

I worked with a woman who did this!!! The lad said he'd always had a crush on her since she was scout leader! Think they were approx 30 and 55 when they dated. She did it only because her son lived in Australia and never found out and ditched him after a year as she knew it wasn't a long term thing. She's married to someone her own age now. Each to their own but very odd yes!!!!

piesforever · 02/12/2022 06:31

Urgh just read the update, he's a paedo, report him to the police asap

randomusername02 · 02/12/2022 06:35

I'm 41, ds is 22. There's no way on this earth I'd date any boy his age. Ever. And especially not one I'd watched growing up. Legally there is nothing wrong but nope, it's just not right.

Hadjab · 02/12/2022 06:38

adiosamigoo · 30/11/2022 11:09

@KimberleyClark OP posted that they broke up as he was messing with underage girls.

Messaging, not messing with - a big difference, the difference between being a dick and a paedophile…

Beautiful3 · 02/12/2022 06:54

I'd be upset too. It would feel like a betrayal
You've already warned her. I'd step back, cut her off and wait for him to mess up.

HotChoxs · 02/12/2022 06:55

Waiteflower · 02/12/2022 05:19

How exactly was OP going to stop him from getting an underage girl pregnant?

Show quote history

How exactly do you think shopping him means stopping him?

Original poster
lucie333 · 02/12/2022 07:00

HotChoxs · 02/12/2022 05:06

If it's your business why didn't you shop him for getting an underage girl pregnant?

Why didn't I stop him? Are you having a laugh 🤣🤣🤣

OP posts: