Mums best friend dating my ex!

[lucie333]

Am I being unreasonable to think this is incredibly weird? He is 23 she is 40, me and him went out most of our childhood which she would often see us, she thinks she's not doing anything wrong, and my mum is still friends with her and I just can't understand why! Maybe I'm over thinking it

It's definitely weird. I would feel quite betrayed and annoyed also. It's not about being an ex it's the fact you've spent time with him when you were younger at her house also. It would make me wonder if she fancied him when he was younger also.

This is messed up on so many levels and it's concerning that you don't see that... particularly given OPs updates about the age of the girl he was messaging as well as the statutory rape of a young girl.

You need to catch yourself on.

@lucie333 How did this woman react to you telling her (and rightly so imo) that she wasn't going to be a part of your life after this?

I believe the term is cougar lady

I don't think she believed me fully, I think she thinks I'm just angry and this will pass, maybe it will I don't know

@lucie333 well the anger is totally understandable and I do think it might pass for you. However, given the whole sick back story of this guy and the fact that she has a teenage daughter and does not seem to be concerned, or seems to believe you're being untruthful, would make me lose all respect for her anyway. Definitely better to cut ties with a woman like this. How can she even think you're making this up when he's had a child with an underage girl 🙄 There literal living, breathing proof!

I wouldn't be too angry at your Mum though, does she know what went on with your ex and his sordid behaviour? What does your Mum actually think about this relationship? Now... if she starts socialising with her and him... then I'd be angry.

@StopStartStop if my husband of 20 years and I divorced, would it be totally cool for him to then start a sexual relationship with my best friend? Or my sister? Would I be controlling if I expressed hurt and anger about this?

Just trying to work out how far your "single adults are entitled to do whatever they want and it's none of your business who your ex boinks" theory goes.

@StopStartStop your life must be twisted

They broke up when he was 17. How much younger could the underage girls (that he was texting, not having sex with) be?

I think it's odd as she's known him as a child while she was an adult and watched him grow up. This kind of age gap is eyebrow raising at the best of times but there's something icky about it in that light.

I'd imagine a DNA test would be necessary for proof. Has one been performed or is his "paternity" based on local gossip?

OP clarified that a girl he was texting at the time was barely 13. Then he later had a baby with a 15 year old (when he was 20).
It's all very disturbing.

Is the fact that she knew him when he was a an underage child

super 🤢🤢🤢

but there we are , leave them be I’d say

I agree that it’s odd

She sounds pathetic and creepy. I wouldn’t want to be around her any more, either. Your mom doesn’t sound like she cares much about your feelings, either.

People do have different morals and ethics, but you stay strong in yours.

Aybu to be upset your "aunt" is dating someone who dumped 5 years ago? Not really but it isn't really your business.

Aybu to be concerned someone with a history on interest in underage girls is dating someone with an underage daughter and Mom is too blinded by sex to care? No.

So you think it is OK that the 'Aunt' is dating the guy who is 17 years younger who she has known since he was a child. Who dated her 'Niece' when they were both 12-17 years of age. She is also best friends with 'Niece's Mum and they are like family - Nothing weird at all?

It probably won't last so why would this woman dismiss her 'Niece's' feelings? She must be desperate for sex.

Or the niece is desperate to control everyone involved.

People have different morals obviously.

I think it's quite normal for a person to feel weird that the person who was their first proper relationship is now sleeping with their close adult family member/friend.

So no I don't think OP is being controlling, she is upset and feels weird about it. The older woman just looks desperate.

Well - all of this - but also - I wouldn't date the ex of somebody who was like a niece to me ... it's practically incestuous.

OP - your mum & her mate are the weirdo's here.
Also insensitive, inappropriate, & being absolute bitches to try & force-feed you the notion that you mum's friend isn't doing anything 'wrong'.

Hi again StopStartStop

Eh? Where are you getting any sense of 'control' from the OP @Liorae?

It's perfectly normal to feel grossed out & upset by this.
The only controlling behaviour I can see is by OP's mum & her friend, who are trying to gaslight OP into accepting this inappropriate relationship as anything approaching normal or healthy.

It's like a Jeremy Kyle shitshow.
& if the sexes were reversed, PP would be twitching their antenna at the now 40 year old watching a kid grow up from the age of 12-ish, then pouncing on them sexually a decade later. Words like predatory, abusive, & power imbalance would be deployed. And they'd be correct.

Maybe some of the people who are defending the woman are cougars who are hurt that most people think he's just using the woman. He might even be doing it just to piss the OP off.

Or to gain access to the "vulnerable" mum-friend's 15 year old DD ...

Not like he doesn't have form in that area.

Or that. He sounds awful.

But she also says they dated from age 12 to 17, so hardly a paedophile if he was messaging girls a year younger really, ie 15 is underage but I wouldn't class that as being a paedophile.