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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums best friend dating my ex!

145 replies

lucie333 · 30/11/2022 10:03

Am I being unreasonable to think this is incredibly weird? He is 23 she is 40, me and him went out most of our childhood which she would often see us, she thinks she's not doing anything wrong, and my mum is still friends with her and I just can't understand why! Maybe I'm over thinking it

OP posts:
SkylightSkylight · 30/11/2022 12:19

StopStartStop · 30/11/2022 12:01

It's not unreasonable to think age-gap relationships aren't to your taste. That's your view.

It is unreasonable to think you have any say over who your ex dates. You split up when you were seventeen? I take it that was a while ago... or maybe not.

It's even more unreasonable to think your mum should drop her friend because you don't like who the friend is dating.

It's unreasonable to the extreme to think you can have any say over who another woman dates. It's weirdly controlling. Check yourself.

@StopStartStop

way to miss the point!!

Check YOURSELF!!!!

Original poster
lucie333 · 30/11/2022 12:19

@StopStartStop I guess we just have different morals 🤷‍♀️but thanks for your opinion

OP posts:
OnlyFannys · 30/11/2022 12:23

If she knew him as a child that's extremely off

whumpthereitis · 30/11/2022 12:34

I’m confused at the confusion. Is it not normally considered bad form to pick up the leftovers of your friends and family, particularly one you’ve seen grow up?

DesertIslandCondiment · 30/11/2022 12:43

@StopStartStop Do your Friends and Family sleep with the same people?

TheBakingBee · 30/11/2022 13:00

The poor lad.

amusedbush · 30/11/2022 13:07

Okay, 40yo woman dating a 23yo guy = not necessarily weird. I wouldn't do it but whatever.

This specific 40yo woman dating a 23yo guy whom she has known since he was a child, and who dated (essentially) her niece for years = weird as fuck. So creepy.

5128gap · 30/11/2022 13:15

TheBakingBee · 30/11/2022 13:00

The poor lad.

Which lad? Have I missed something? I thought this was a thread about a rather unpleasant 23 year old man with a history of messaging under age girls now broadening out his target market to include a 40 year old woman?

Dreamsoffreedomjoyandpeace · 30/11/2022 13:20

adiosamigoo · 30/11/2022 11:09

@KimberleyClark OP posted that they broke up as he was messing with underage girls.

Is a seventeen year old messaging underage girls a paedophile?

TokyoSushi · 30/11/2022 13:20

Nope, it's very weird.

I'm 42, I definitely wouldn't date a 23 year old and the fact that you used to date him is even worse. (Unless he's Trent Alexander-Arnold, and then well, you know...)

HumourReplacementTherapy · 30/11/2022 13:25

Does she have children?

Original poster
lucie333 · 30/11/2022 13:39

I just want to add yes we were only 17 but he was messaging a barely 13 year old! He also had a baby with a 15 year old when he was 20! He clearly has a liking to little girls, she also has a daughter who is 15! How this information doesn't bother her has me baffled !

OP posts:
DesertIslandCondiment · 30/11/2022 13:46

lucie333 · 30/11/2022 13:39

I just want to add yes we were only 17 but he was messaging a barely 13 year old! He also had a baby with a 15 year old when he was 20! He clearly has a liking to little girls, she also has a daughter who is 15! How this information doesn't bother her has me baffled !

Does she know this because if she does then she is desperate and I'm sorry but not very intelligent. If I was your Mum I would be having serious words with her.

It's sick.

Original poster
lucie333 · 30/11/2022 13:51

@DesertIslandCondiment yes she is well aware of all this information! She probably doesn't think of it as a big deal, but it is

OP posts:
FermisLeftFoot · 30/11/2022 13:56

lucie333 · 30/11/2022 13:39

I just want to add yes we were only 17 but he was messaging a barely 13 year old! He also had a baby with a 15 year old when he was 20! He clearly has a liking to little girls, she also has a daughter who is 15! How this information doesn't bother her has me baffled !

That’s extremely concerning. If he had a baby with someone under 16 that’s statutory rape - were social services or police involved at all?

I’d be less worried about your mums friend in terms of how she has acted to you and far more concerned he could be looking to groom her underaged daughter. Frankly, if this is as you say it is, i’d be reporting concerns myself.

Dontaskdontget · 30/11/2022 13:57

DesertIslandCondiment · 30/11/2022 10:11

I think you are going to have mixed replies.

However, I think it is weird. I would never entertain having a relationship with a man 17 years younger than myself. Also, she's known him since he was young and with her friend's daughter.

This

Grassisbluer · 30/11/2022 14:02

That’s extremely concerning. If he had a baby with someone under 16 that’s statutory rape - were social services or police involved at all?

I’d be less worried about your mums friend in terms of how she has acted to you and far more concerned he could be looking to groom her underaged daughter. Frankly, if this is as you say it is, i’d be reporting concerns myself.

Agreed.

Original poster
lucie333 · 30/11/2022 14:08

Grassisbluer · 30/11/2022 14:02

That’s extremely concerning. If he had a baby with someone under 16 that’s statutory rape - were social services or police involved at all?

I’d be less worried about your mums friend in terms of how she has acted to you and far more concerned he could be looking to groom her underaged daughter. Frankly, if this is as you say it is, i’d be reporting concerns myself.

Agreed.

My dad is a social worker he said he will raise is concerns with his manager for safe grading. Police weren't involved as far as I'm aware, but I know he's never been in the child's life so they possibly could have I'm not 100% sure.

OP posts:
Herejustforthisone · 30/11/2022 14:41

Jesus Christ. What a mess.

gamerchick · 30/11/2022 14:44

Technically they're both adults and you're not together.

But emotionally it would feel like she's had her eye on him since he was a kid. Id be giving them both a swerve.

StopStartStop · 30/11/2022 18:45

way to miss the point!! Check YOURSELF!!!!
No. The OP wants to control the behaviour of her own mother, non-aunt and ex boyfriend, possibly as much as six years' ex. Crazy thinking.

@lucie333
StopStartStop I guess we just have different morals 🤷‍♀️but thanks for your opinion
Your position isn't a 'moral' one. No morals are impinged by a single man fucking a single woman and them enjoying it. No morals are impinged by your mother not dropping her unattached friend who is having it off with said unattached man. The only one with any issue to address is you - far too interested in other people's business.

DirectionToPerfection · 30/11/2022 19:21

StopStartStop · 30/11/2022 18:45

way to miss the point!! Check YOURSELF!!!!
No. The OP wants to control the behaviour of her own mother, non-aunt and ex boyfriend, possibly as much as six years' ex. Crazy thinking.

@lucie333
StopStartStop I guess we just have different morals 🤷‍♀️but thanks for your opinion
Your position isn't a 'moral' one. No morals are impinged by a single man fucking a single woman and them enjoying it. No morals are impinged by your mother not dropping her unattached friend who is having it off with said unattached man. The only one with any issue to address is you - far too interested in other people's business.

Christ Almighty. Do you enjoy making stuff up?

How does finding it weird and feeling betrayed equate to controlling behaviour? What a ridiculous leap.

StopStartStop · 30/11/2022 19:26

Get a grip. It's as plain as day.

DesertIslandCondiment · 30/11/2022 19:26

@StopStartStop classy

Original poster
lucie333 · 30/11/2022 21:18

@StopStartStop you sound delightful and slightly unhinged

OP posts:
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