Splitting the bill

[Splittingthebill]

Just returned from a girls weekend away - 3 friends visited one friend who lives overseas.

The overseas friend said she’d pay for everything whilst we were there to save our cards getting charged for lots of little overseas transactions and we could just transfer her the money at the end.

One friend made a note of everything she ordered, drank, did etc and how much her share was and instead of waiting for the total to come through has said oh I owe XX amount. She’s missed a few things (so small that you might forget) but also had taken off some things - tips / service as she thinks it’s OTT (though customary) in the country we visited, and taxis (one friend is recovering from a knee op so we occasionally got a cab if she was feeling sore) as she said she was happy to walk / get public transport. And a few times she got cheaper wine etc.

I don’t actually drink at all and can walk fine so technically mine should be even less than hers but either me and the other friend pay more to make her part up, or the host friend is out of pocket. Host friend already paid for dinner on our last night as a thank you for travelling to her and we stayed at hers (in an expensive city) for free for 4 nights.

YANBU - friend is BU
YABU - host friend and injured friends are for passing on the costs of tips and taxis

It's a hard one, how much extra are the tips and taxis?

I do think your friend is being unreasonable, but weakly this is a terrrrible terrible way to arrange money for a group trip away. Terrible idea all around. Someone is bound to feel hard done by.
why didn’t you all just take cash?

One person paying for everything and recouping was never going to work unless everyone agreed on the approach at the start eg splitting equally, splitting based on what people are / drink.

What a grim way to spend a holiday, taking notes and keeping a running total.

What are the differences in the amounts being paid?

If your friend didn’t mention at the time she didn’t want to tip and accepted lifts in the taxi, then I think YANBU.

But quite unusual that your friend would pay for dinner on the last night. Surely it would be the other way around considering you all had free accommodation for 4 nights in an expensive city?

This is a nightmare waiting to happen! Some people go along with whatever the bill is (me), some people query every penny (your friend).

You would have been better taking currency with you? Settling up a kitty even.

Given she said she didn't want to tip and was happy to walk I don't think she's necessarily wrong as presumably she's counted the penny's because moneys tight.

And yes, your friend should have been treated on the last night! She did a lot for all of you tbh, you weren't there out of charity were you?

@girlmom21 she purchased a designer bag (on her cc) whilst we were there.

We did try to insist on getting her dinner but she was thankful we’d travelled out and paid for flights to see her. We went to spend time with her rather than a free hol if that makes sense.

Ah - this is where the old fashioned idea of having a Kitty works well. Everyone puts in an amount of cash, one person is in charge of it and they pay for rounds of drinks, taxis etc. And when it runs out, you put in some more. Saves a lot of faffing about over small amounts of money and means nobody gets stiffed over. Your friend sounds penny pinching; if she’s going to tot up the pennies, she needs to be told what she’s missed off and be treated in an equally penny pinching manner.

What a tightwad!

Well this was always going to end badly. Have none of you heard of Monzo or Revolut?

Your friend is a skinflint. Was it New York or similar? She's out of order not paying her portion of the tips if so.

For this kind of thing we use an app called Splitwise. Absolutely everything gets put in, how much, who paid for it and which people it needs to be split with. Then at the end of a trip, it works it all out and tells you who owes who what. Makes life so much easier and no one has to worry about who paid for what.

Everyone should have just got a Monzo card each and paid their way/used the bill splitting function

If walking friend didn't want to pay for a can she should have walked. She got in the cab? She pays. That she didn't care for a cab is irrelevant

I'm not a big fan of auto tipping but you go to a country, you abide by their customs.

I think your friend is totally out of order as she should have said this was her approach in the first instance.

Rather than ruin it, if I could afford it, then I'd just pay the extra. I wouldn't like it and it would leave a sour taste in my mouth, but if they're good friends, then I'd let it go (but would make a mental note for any future trips).

Why are you friends with such a skinflint? Being miserly is a very unattractive trait. Why didn't you say something? I would have. I am always respectful, if someone doesn't have as much money as others, or if someone's not drinking, and everybody else is. I simply won't stand for someone being that kind of tight.

She’s being unreasonable but this was a crazy way to pay for a holiday. There are transfer cards if you want to avoid charges or you can use cash, but anyway some charges are to be expected and there is no need to solve that problem for anyone else.

I would feel bad for your host friend (although she was foolish) so either redo the split up and suggest you all pay X, or just pay the extra if you can afford to and it will be smoother.

If she didn't want the taxi she should have walked at the time.

Oh god. How messy. How much difference are we talking?
If it's under a hundred quid and I could suck it up I'd just pay it to avoid the stress of all the back and forth and awkwardness that will come with arguing about it.

And never go away with her again or spend money on her.

If she took the taxis, she should pay for the taxis. If she didn't comment on tip amount at the time, she should pay for the tip too.

Ridiculous behaviour to amend the deal after the fact.

How clear was she that she was doing this at the time?

She's being incredibly unreasonable. You don't just get to leave out your share of tips and taxis because you "could" have walked.

If you're good enough friends to travel abroad together, surely you just split down the middle/three ways?

I think if she didn’t want to partake in this, she should have just paid for her own at the time. We all have a kitty using Monzo. We just transfer to the card and use that. But, we all are happy to split stuff, have equal eating/drinking/taxi outlooks.

Did she say at the time she wouldn't tip so you could knock her tip off? In America if you don't tip they pull you up on it. It's very stressful. We once didn't tip in San Francisco due to appalling service and they told us we hadn't paid! In new york the waitress gave us a spiel about not tipping until we pointed out we'd paid 20%!!!!

As for taxis presumably she walked?