Splitting the bill

[Splittingthebill]

Just returned from a girls weekend away - 3 friends visited one friend who lives overseas.

The overseas friend said she’d pay for everything whilst we were there to save our cards getting charged for lots of little overseas transactions and we could just transfer her the money at the end.

One friend made a note of everything she ordered, drank, did etc and how much her share was and instead of waiting for the total to come through has said oh I owe XX amount. She’s missed a few things (so small that you might forget) but also had taken off some things - tips / service as she thinks it’s OTT (though customary) in the country we visited, and taxis (one friend is recovering from a knee op so we occasionally got a cab if she was feeling sore) as she said she was happy to walk / get public transport. And a few times she got cheaper wine etc.

I don’t actually drink at all and can walk fine so technically mine should be even less than hers but either me and the other friend pay more to make her part up, or the host friend is out of pocket. Host friend already paid for dinner on our last night as a thank you for travelling to her and we stayed at hers (in an expensive city) for free for 4 nights.

YANBU - friend is BU
YABU - host friend and injured friends are for passing on the costs of tips and taxis

If she couldn’t afford it it she could ha ordered fewer drinks, and as she was keeping notes all the way through the holiday in the hope of not spending a penny more than she consumed, she could have ordered cheaper meals.

I hate tipping, but it is tight not to pay them when it’s customary where you’re visiting. It’s even more tight to expect your friends to pay the tip for you.

Paying for taxis you don’t want or need is frustrating, I’ve been that friend before that is happy to walk but the other person wants a taxi. But friendships are about compromise. Sometimes I’ve graciously paid my share of the taxi I didn’t want, other times my friend has offered to pay for the entire cost of the taxi because she knows it’s for her benefit, not mine. It’s a non issue.

OPs friend hasn’t behaved at all graciously. She deliberately ‘forgot’ about a huge proportion of her costs and expected others to suck it up. There is only so much you can claim to be broke when you’re on a foreign holiday because if you’re that broke, you don’t go!

Well, never do this again, for a start.

So is your friend host allowed to now charge you all for heating/electricity/hot water?

Your cheapskate friend is... cheap. And you should call her out on it. The taxis because she didn't want to walk and the lack of tipping. Which is appalling.

Have a kitty and split it. Any 'extras' can be taken care of separately.

Actually I think hostess paying up front for everyone was a huge tactical error.
We use splitwise when we're in a group of friends, but everyone tries to pay for something at the time, so they aren't left with a whopping bill at the end. It all works out the same, but somehow its easier to reconcile yourself to the 200 euro bill for that amazing meal with all the wine and the 100 euros for the brunch on the last day, than get hit with a 300 euro share and no context.

I go away with 5 friends once a year. One of us always pays for everything and then we split evenly at the end. It's just easier. None of us care if one had an extra glass of wine or didn't have a starter or whatever. Analysing every single thing would suck the joy out of it.
I think if you are on a budget then you should say so at the start, pay for yourself and stay out of the shared tab.

Your friend is stingy and someone needs to call her out on it. Don't be a doormat

Is it? You go on a trip with others and they say "I'm having champagne, steak and oysters for dinner so no matter what you have we're splitting the bill"?

No - because that’s someone clearly taking the piss the other way. But when you go away with others, there is inevitably some compromise over what you do, which restaurants you go to etc. So - to take your example, there might be a general agreement among the group to order a bottle of champagne. You might normally order Prosecco at £5 a glass, but end up splitting the bottle of champagne at £10 a glass. That’s the sort of thing that’s the cost of socialising in a group - because yes, unless you’re on your uppers, it does look a little mean to say “I’m only going to pay for my own drink and not pay the extra fiver as it wasn’t my choice”. (Especially if, to allude to the taxi situation, you’ve ended up having a glass of said champagne because one was poured for you.) Equally, though, you may really fancy the steak restaurant another night because that’s your favourite- and then your friend who wasn’t so keen might end up with a more expensive bowl of pasta than she might have had left to her own devices. You need give and take in groups.

Friend who paid should just tell her she is short by 200 dollars or however much as she didn't add tip etc.

Eurgh I hate situations like this. I would always want to just pay as I go to avoid this.

YABU. If she doesn’t want to pay for tips then that’s up to her. It may be ‘custom’ in that country but it’s not up to people to make up the shit wages of of staff. I feel very strongly about this. If she’s paid for what she’s actually had then fine.

However, she is cheeky for getting in taxis when she’d said she would walk. Just because she said she’d walk, she still had the service. I had this done to me recently and couldn’t believe it when the couple didn’t pay up. So fucking cheeky. They earn about £30k more than we do, no kids, house they rent out, plus live in a mortgage free house that daddy bought. Thought it was ok to swan off after not coughing up £8 for a taxi 😡

A skinflint is one of my pet hates! This would immediately put me off a friend if they acted like this !

@Splittingthebill how much is she actually short from what she feels she should have paid? Am not sure if the $200 is from you but if that's on top of what she's paid all ready and times by 4 then is over $1000 for just for tips and taxis for a weekend? Ouch!

@Splittingthebill if friend wants to keep her precise record then the rest of you just tell her what she’s missed. And say, sorry, tips might not be your thing but unless you tell people up front you can’t just arbitrarily decide not to contribute after the event. But I’d have said to the person paying ‘no to them paying’.

To cover yourself next time, get a Metro or Chase account or similar - free forex transactions - contactless works abroad seamlessly. And you can withdraw cash free of commission and only pay the local cashpoint fee. The exchange rate being better usually covers that (click ‘no’ to the offer to use the local bank’s rate as it won’t be as good).

She doesn't agree with tips, but happy for the rest of you to pay them?!

Just pay what is asked of you.

Seems so odd though that you guys let your friend pay for EVERYTHING whilst you were there and then send you a bill.

yanbu

the remaining 3 of you, use a spreadsheet to work out the actual fair and equal split for all expenses, without opting selfish "friend" out of tips and taxi rides because that is clearly ridiculous.

calculate what the shortfall is between what selfish friend claims she owes and what she actually owes. depending on how big the shortfall is, let her know that her next X birthday and christmas gifts jointoy from the 3 of you are your kindly making up the shortfall from this holiday. and never go on holiday with her again.

if someone wants a low budget holiday they should simply not join a group event like this. freeloading off "friends" is horrible.

How is it low and mean if she's on a budget

Well @girlmom21 , the OP says that her friend bought an expensive designer handbag while there. Yet she expected her friends and host to pay for everything she didn't want to pay for. That is mean.

Both mean with money, and mean & thoughtless towards her friends.

If I were @Splittingthebill I'd be backing off this friendship. Meanness is really unattractive. Or stating very firmly to her that she is liable for a split of all costs for the trip they took together.

If this friend were so intent on saving money, then she shouldn't have gone with others. If she were on such a tight budget, that she needs her friends to subsidise her, then she shouldn't have gone on the trip.

OP, I hope that your host states really firmly to your mean, cheese-paring friend, that she has made a mistake about the amount. And restates what the amount is.

Oh blimey she's a tight wad. This would put me off going away with her again.

I'm not sure why everyone is saying why didn't you get Monzo etc and use them at the time, individually .... surely this would still involve splitting the bill equally at the table/bar? Unless you think she wouldn't have mentioned paying less at the time?

freeloading off "friends" is horrible.

Basically, this. Totally agree* *@FaazoHuyzeoSix Not much more to say - all the guff about "being on a budget" is just that - guff. Excuses for being mean and freeloading.

I had this done to me recently and couldn’t believe it when the couple didn’t pay up. So fucking cheeky. They earn about £30k more than we do, no kids, house they rent out, plus live in a mortgage free house that daddy bought. Thought it was ok to swan off after not coughing up £8 for a taxi 😡

I'm not saying it's right, it just probably didn't really occur to them because to them it's an inconsequential amount of money, barely more than the cost of a drink. If someone owed them £8 I'm sure they wouldn't care less or give it another thought.

Hate meanness too. We did a kitty for London worked well 2 us. No faffing with purses and who pays. I have a mean friend delays at till.. puts me off meeting them

Your friend is being unreasonable, massively in my opinion.

We frequently visit friends who live on an island and we always do this. They pay for everything while we are there, in the local currency, and when we get home we refund it by letting them choose a day when we pay and it's always the official exchange rate on that day.

It actually has worked really well for many years, but that's because we trust each other and know that neither is trying to benefit in small ways from the arrangement.

The time for the friend to object was when the host first suggested it. Then they could have said they were on a budget so would rather account for their own spending. After the event is too late to raise an objection, now they owe one-third of what all the visitors owe, whether they agree with it or not.

These types of things REALLY need to be discussed/ agreed beforehand.
If some doesn't want to or can't split it equally (which is fair enough- money might be tight) they need to make sure they have cash at all times.

YABU. If she doesn’t want to pay for tips then that’s up to her. It may be ‘custom’ in that country but it’s not up to people to make up the shit wages of of staff. I feel very strongly about this. If she’s paid for what she’s actually had then fine.

Id like to agree with you because I dislike tipping too, but in countries where that’s how things are done, it actually is up to the customers to directly pay for the service they received. Even when it’s not great. If you really want to avoid having to pay tips, don’t go to countries where it’s expected.

ive never done this and we travel quite a lot.

Fair enough @Bellaboo01, I was just offering an alternative perspective to yours. We only do this when we visit these particular close friends, not on any other occasion.