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AIBU?

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Original poster

Splitting the bill

109 replies

Splittingthebill · 29/11/2022 20:32

Just returned from a girls weekend away - 3 friends visited one friend who lives overseas.

The overseas friend said she’d pay for everything whilst we were there to save our cards getting charged for lots of little overseas transactions and we could just transfer her the money at the end.

One friend made a note of everything she ordered, drank, did etc and how much her share was and instead of waiting for the total to come through has said oh I owe XX amount. She’s missed a few things (so small that you might forget) but also had taken off some things - tips / service as she thinks it’s OTT (though customary) in the country we visited, and taxis (one friend is recovering from a knee op so we occasionally got a cab if she was feeling sore) as she said she was happy to walk / get public transport. And a few times she got cheaper wine etc.

I don’t actually drink at all and can walk fine so technically mine should be even less than hers but either me and the other friend pay more to make her part up, or the host friend is out of pocket. Host friend already paid for dinner on our last night as a thank you for travelling to her and we stayed at hers (in an expensive city) for free for 4 nights.

YANBU - friend is BU
YABU - host friend and injured friends are for passing on the costs of tips and taxis

OP posts:
rookiemere · 29/11/2022 21:28

Sounds very tight.

If she didn't want to pay her share of taxis, she should have actually walked.

I'd see what your other friend says, but I'd probably just pay the extra and never go away with the other friend again.

TheTeddyBears · 29/11/2022 21:30

Ur friend is in the wrong. She knows the host has paid the bill including the tip it doesn't matter if she doesn't agree she is being ridiculous and surely knows it will only make your bill bigger which is why she paid it right away. She's fly! Regarding taxis unless ur other friend said she wld pay then she still needs to pay her share she got in the taxi willingly so pay up!

Next time just pay there and then in cash. I don't know why host would volunteer to pay for everything. I'd be too worried something like this would happen or someone wouldn't pay and everything wld just get awkward.

MissAmbrosia · 29/11/2022 21:35

We use the tricount app for these things and divvy up at the end. We used to do a cash kitty but since covid cash became a bit frowned upon in many place. If one of us was skint and needed to count the pennies I would expect to discuss it up front so we could manage it between us.

AriettyHomily · 29/11/2022 21:35

How to take the fun out of a trip ffs.

Bimblybomeyelash · 29/11/2022 21:36

It’s difficult. I’m definitely a spilt equal kind of friend. As it all evens out eventually. But I can see why some people who eat less or don’t drink, wouldn’t find it fair to split equally, and would therefore only
want to pay their share.

But if you are a split equally person, then you should be happy with splitting the rest three ways once her share is taken out. Just paying 1/4 and letting the host pay more wouldn’t be fair.

Augend23 · 29/11/2022 21:39

Doesn't solve the problem now but you need the Splitwise app next time.

I don't think it's reasonable to take off stuff you partook in unless it was specifically discussed at the time.

Sickofcoughing · 29/11/2022 21:41

I would be horrified by your friend and how she's treating the host who looked after you all so well.

I'd pay it to save the host but it would put me off the tightwad friend.

NeedAChangeAsIAmSoooOuting · 29/11/2022 21:54

Why could you not go to sainsburys or the post Office and simply get one of those cards to use abroad and pay for your own things?! Crazy that your friend paid for everything.

Cornelious · 29/11/2022 22:18

It sounds an awful idea generally. Why didn't you get a monzo/ revolut or any other free pre pay card? Then you wouldn't have had these issues. Id speak to the friend and tell her what she's missed.

Hankunamatata · 29/11/2022 22:29

It would so set me on edge not knowing how much I'd spent. I'd much rather just used my own card.

latetothefisting · 29/11/2022 22:31

Agree that the idea was a bit stupid to start with, it's not 1995, there are loads of cards that don't charge for overseas transactions or always cash.

I'd message tightwad friend and say what you've said here, i.e. 'You've forgotten to add x, y and z, and I think it's really cheeky that you've decided now you're not going to pay towards a tip - whether you agree with it or not it's customary in x place (usa?) and you should have said at the time if you didn't agree. If you pay less you realise me and y are going to have to cover your share as well as our own . I didn't even drink so technically I should pay even less but I wouldn't dream of being that petty. It seems really tight to squabble over this when we saved so much money by staying at Z's rather than a hotel.'

If she gets annoyed then is that someone you really want to stay friends with? and if you and knee op friend cover her share yourself, will the resentment affect the friendship anyway?

In fairness I do think knee op friend should have perhaps offered to put a bit more towards the taxis as they were primarily for her benefit, cost would have been the same had she gone in it alone or all of you, and a few taxi rides could add up to a fairly significant amount. Plus it sounds like she was also drinking the most expensive drinks out of the 3 of you.

DrManhattan · 29/11/2022 22:32

Op! Did she get in the taxis? Did she say at the time she wouldn't be contributing to tips? We need more info please

Original poster
Splittingthebill · 29/11/2022 22:40

@DrManhattan no she didn’t say that but when injured friend and host friend were out of earshot, she asked me if I thought we could convince injured friend to walk and on one occasion it was raining and she did say I don’t mind getting a cab now.

In terms of tip, she did say she couldn’t believe how much they expect but host friend explained if it was a dinner out etc it was expected and takeaway coffee they ask but no one does tip. I think she thought it was the friends choice to tip properly.

She broke down her bill ie - Saturday night drinks $20 - she had two drinks at $10 so not tip taken into account.

Host friend is not confrontational so will probably just pay but injured friend and i are going to pay extra to avoid any bad feeling.

I don’t have monzo or the other apps mentioned but will look into it - I guess it would just force the tipping conversation to happen there and then.

OP posts:
Redhop · 29/11/2022 22:41

Wow I wouldn't expect a repeat invitation back..sounds like a grim holiday. Was it Singapore?

MichelleScarn · 29/11/2022 22:45

How much was the tip on bill of $20?

Original poster
Splittingthebill · 29/11/2022 22:50

@MichelleScarn so in that case $4 but if you take that example and apply it to 2 or 3 meals out per day plus drinks in bars, it adds up. Plus she missed transport and one late night tapas so all in all , I think her calculations were around $200 off.

I have said in the group about the missed meals / drinks. Think we will leave the tips and taxis and divide it by the rest of us.

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 29/11/2022 22:50

I'm not a fan of tipping when in the UK, but I understand when you visit different places, expectations and culture is different.
I generally prefer to walk places too, but if you are with someone with mobility issues, then clearly you accommodate that, and do it without resentment. This is presumably a friend ? Seems an odd way to be thinking about accommodating a friend for a few days on holiday.

Now I agree with most - this was always going to end in tears and an upfront kitty would have been MUCH better, but I still think your friend is BVU (ie, YANBU). If you go anywhere with a group, it is inevitable people will have different ways of spending and saving. You have to relax and go with the flow a bit. It you genuinely can't afford it, and have scraped together the cost of the flights, then you discuss that up front, apologise, and offer not to go, then wait and see if your friends still want you to come when they know you are on a shoestring budget.

Conkersareback · 29/11/2022 22:54

AriettyHomily · 29/11/2022 21:35

How to take the fun out of a trip ffs.

Totally!

Jesus, totting everything up (but forgetting some bits!)

solvendie · 29/11/2022 22:57

Your friend is BU - massively. I don’t see why she allowed the host to pay and ask for reimbursement if she was going to question all costs (time, differences in drink prices, etc.)

Host should not be out of pocket but you pay your costs and leave it down to the host to chase. That way Hirst will know whether she wants to be a host to your friend in future.

solvendie · 29/11/2022 22:57

That should have said tips not time!

WindyHedges · 30/11/2022 01:22

girlmom21 · 29/11/2022 20:42

Given she said she didn't want to tip and was happy to walk I don't think she's necessarily wrong as presumably she's counted the penny's because moneys tight.

She is wrong if she did things, but now won’t pay for them. She might have wanted to walk, but she didn’t. She went in the taxi.

And not wanting to pay her share of the tips is just downright low and mean.

She’s been mean and dishonest. What sort of a person treats friends this way?

girlmom21 · 30/11/2022 06:35

How is it low and mean if she's on a budget @WindyHedges ?

She'd have been left on her own in an unknown country if her friends had taken the taxi without her and they'd have paid the same price anyway. That argument makes no sense.

Rainbowqueeen · 30/11/2022 06:41

I’d take this as a lesson to either not go on holiday with her again or use a different approach next time.

And the really sad thing is that someone’s good opinion of you is priceless and now she has 3 people who are important to her who think less of her.

BlackFriday · 30/11/2022 06:49

@girlmom21 Not so much of a budget that she couldn't buy herself a designer bag though, eh?

pimlicoanna · 30/11/2022 06:57

Don't reward her stingy behaviour. Definitely tell her she needs to pay her share of the tips and whatever she's 'forgotten' to include. Tell her the total and that she needs to pay!