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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Splitting the bill

109 replies

Splittingthebill · 29/11/2022 20:32

Just returned from a girls weekend away - 3 friends visited one friend who lives overseas.

The overseas friend said she’d pay for everything whilst we were there to save our cards getting charged for lots of little overseas transactions and we could just transfer her the money at the end.

One friend made a note of everything she ordered, drank, did etc and how much her share was and instead of waiting for the total to come through has said oh I owe XX amount. She’s missed a few things (so small that you might forget) but also had taken off some things - tips / service as she thinks it’s OTT (though customary) in the country we visited, and taxis (one friend is recovering from a knee op so we occasionally got a cab if she was feeling sore) as she said she was happy to walk / get public transport. And a few times she got cheaper wine etc.

I don’t actually drink at all and can walk fine so technically mine should be even less than hers but either me and the other friend pay more to make her part up, or the host friend is out of pocket. Host friend already paid for dinner on our last night as a thank you for travelling to her and we stayed at hers (in an expensive city) for free for 4 nights.

YANBU - friend is BU
YABU - host friend and injured friends are for passing on the costs of tips and taxis

OP posts:

LoveAutumnColours · 30/11/2022 12:12

YANBU. As others have sad, we’ll you know not to go travelling with this “friend” again and may even reconsider any nights out where you’d split the bill. What bloody cheek!

I went travelling with friends where some of us lived in one country, another is a different country and went on holiday to a third country. She had an app to input expenditures and then was split accordingly. Things had to be paid as a group. We did not quibble. We’re planning another trip together as it went well and no hard feelings about money spent. We’re from very different economic positions but a bit of agreement in price ranges avoided any problems.

candycane10 · 30/11/2022 12:15

WimpoleHat · 29/11/2022 20:46

Ah - this is where the old fashioned idea of having a Kitty works well. Everyone puts in an amount of cash, one person is in charge of it and they pay for rounds of drinks, taxis etc. And when it runs out, you put in some more. Saves a lot of faffing about over small amounts of money and means nobody gets stiffed over. Your friend sounds penny pinching; if she’s going to tot up the pennies, she needs to be told what she’s missed off and be treated in an equally penny pinching manner.

What they did is pretty much the same as having a kitty - well from the pov that everything is paid for from a single pot and split equally

If they had taken this approach, OPs friend would have had an issue with contributing an equal amount into the kitty.

OP your friend is BU. Only way I would have sympathy is if she was on a budget and it was leaving her short for essentials. The fact she wouldn't pay for this when she had free accommodation and enjoying time with friends, yet could afford a designer bag just makes her an arse

WindyHedges · 30/11/2022 15:26

ive never done this and we travel quite a lot.

Why is that at all relevant @Bellaboo01 ? It's what @Splittingthebill and her friends decided.

I travel a lot with groups of friends in several different currencies & I think it's a brilliant idea & I'm going to suggest we do it this way for our next trip.

Livpool · 30/11/2022 16:22

Justtheonethanks9099 · 29/11/2022 20:39

What a grim way to spend a holiday, taking notes and keeping a running total.

I know.

Tightness is such an unattractive trait

WimpoleHat · 30/11/2022 18:24

If they had taken this approach, OPs friend would have had an issue with contributing an equal amount into the kitty.

Yes - that’s a fair point. It’d have been “oh, I’ll put less in because I didn’t want to tip/get a taxi”. It would have crystallised at the time though, I suppose.

Bellaboo01 · 01/12/2022 08:48

WindyHedges · 30/11/2022 15:26

ive never done this and we travel quite a lot.

Why is that at all relevant @Bellaboo01 ? It's what @Splittingthebill and her friends decided.

I travel a lot with groups of friends in several different currencies & I think it's a brilliant idea & I'm going to suggest we do it this way for our next trip.

Obviously if it works for you then that's great. But, clearly it isnt working for the OP as someone has after the event decided that they dont want to pay for what is billed to them.

It is relevant because you can travel with friends etc and not have to have someone pay for everything and then split the bill. What happens if you are having a walk on your own and decide to buy something - do you need to go back and get your friend to pay for it?

WindyHedges · 02/12/2022 14:23

What happens if you are having a walk on your own and decide to buy something - do you need to go back and get your friend to pay for it?

Oh really, do you mean to sound so silly?

Bellaboo01 · 02/12/2022 16:06

WindyHedges · 02/12/2022 14:23

What happens if you are having a walk on your own and decide to buy something - do you need to go back and get your friend to pay for it?

Oh really, do you mean to sound so silly?

Just a genuine question but, i like the idea i might be 'silly'!!

Nanaof1 · 24/04/2023 00:50

Splittingthebill · 29/11/2022 22:50

@MichelleScarn so in that case $4 but if you take that example and apply it to 2 or 3 meals out per day plus drinks in bars, it adds up. Plus she missed transport and one late night tapas so all in all , I think her calculations were around $200 off.

I have said in the group about the missed meals / drinks. Think we will leave the tips and taxis and divide it by the rest of us.

I think that your "friend" needs to be told what she has shorted the group. If she argues, inform her that the rest of you are going to cover it, but she should be aware that she will not be invited to join you all for any other nights out or trips.
I guess she had to pay for her designer bag some way. 🙄
If all go in a taxi--all pay for a taxi. All eat/drink in an establishment where tipping is the norm, the tip is paid by all. Your "friend" is the one who needs to think AIBU and the answer for her is a resounding "YES!".

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