Splitting the bill

[Splittingthebill]

Just returned from a girls weekend away - 3 friends visited one friend who lives overseas.

The overseas friend said she’d pay for everything whilst we were there to save our cards getting charged for lots of little overseas transactions and we could just transfer her the money at the end.

One friend made a note of everything she ordered, drank, did etc and how much her share was and instead of waiting for the total to come through has said oh I owe XX amount. She’s missed a few things (so small that you might forget) but also had taken off some things - tips / service as she thinks it’s OTT (though customary) in the country we visited, and taxis (one friend is recovering from a knee op so we occasionally got a cab if she was feeling sore) as she said she was happy to walk / get public transport. And a few times she got cheaper wine etc.

I don’t actually drink at all and can walk fine so technically mine should be even less than hers but either me and the other friend pay more to make her part up, or the host friend is out of pocket. Host friend already paid for dinner on our last night as a thank you for travelling to her and we stayed at hers (in an expensive city) for free for 4 nights.

YANBU - friend is BU
YABU - host friend and injured friends are for passing on the costs of tips and taxis

On a credit card. If she's paying her friend back she can't do that on a credit card, but she could have used it for her meals etc whilst there.

She may well have budgeted to be able to spend £500 plus the bag and pay it off over the next 12 months. That's not the same as having to find £500 cash to give to your friend.

Do you that argument for not paying towards petrol when friends give you a lift? Well you were going that way anyway, so it's not cost you anything.

Unfortunately, we all have one of ""those" friends, we talk about you to others and don't like the way you treat us.

We think less of you, sponging off others and never, ever the ones to offer a lift.

Exactly three people do think less of her, justifiably!

@Conkersareback I'm not one of those people, but I don't think this friend necessarily is either considering the OP hasn't suggested that she's been like this before

But she did "forget" some items? Which unsurprisingly worked in her favour?

Also the designer handbag was bought, you're assuming on a CC, no evidence of that.

I would say if you're that hard up for money that you won't pay your fair share, credit card or not, designer bags are out of your league.

Interesting that you think she'd be happy to pay the interest over twelve months, but not her share of tips and fares.

@Conkersareback the OP literally said the friend but the bag on her credit card.

I think you've missed the point about the tips and fares. She maybe can't afford to pay them all off right now in cash. If she'd have paid for all of her own things she could have chosen what to or what to not pay for.

I would not be letting her get away with that and would forcefully tell her that the rest of the group will not subsidise her and she needs to pay up. Then I'd step away from the friendship.

Agree, what if this friend was on a budget so keeping costs low, while other friends ok with money so expensive drinks food = high tips. Should budget friend have to split the tip for the expensive stuff?

Very awkward. How much I total are we talking about. Would host friends be able to say I've calculated it's x divided by four and see what the difference is between what's she's offered and what it is?

But she still "forgot" some stuff!

There's one of these "friends" in every group, who like you pull the "but me in the taxi doesn't cost anymore".

It's embarrassing, and perhaps if she put less on CC and interest payments and worried less about her "designer" handbags and more about her friends, she wouldn't have ill feeling towards her now?

Even on a CC, the designer bag still needs to be made for (with interest), you may put this above friends feelings, but luckily the majority don't.

I wouldn't have let her off the tips - if it's somewhere like US then 20% is standard- we may think it's ridiculous, but thats what all Americans pay.

Now that I think about the taxis, I do think friend who needed them should have paid a more active role. I'd be slightly seething if rather than using cheap public transport, we were constantly forking out for taxis which I did not want to use. Friend who needed them should have offered to pick up the full tab for a few.

It's a real shame when this stuff happens. I've mostly been lucky on my ladies trips and everyone eats and drinks roughly the same stuff.

@MichelleScarn the friend was on a budget to gain from her other friends, but not to put a designer bag on CC, which costs even more because it's on a CC.

She could've of course said to the host, I'll pay using my CC, I'll take the hit on fees (like she did with the bag), to spread the cost?

But she was happy sponging off friends and "forgetting" stuff and buying designer bags.

Some people are materialistic, some have morals.

It's a real shame when this stuff happens. I've mostly been lucky on my ladies trips and everyone eats and drinks roughly the same stuff.

absolutely* *agree! Am sure most of us have had a skint meal out at some point where you have 1 drink and a pasta, and others in the group have 3 courses and bottles wine/cocktails then expect if not the whole bill split at least the tip!

Was it agreed up front?

If she'd have paid for all of her own things she could have chosen what to or what to not pay for.

But it’s part of the deal of going out with others, surely? Certainly if you’re going on a trip with others. People like this are miserable to go out with - and somehow never quite pay their way. The assiduous accounting only ever works in their favour. They don’t want a taxi, so won’t pay for it….but are quite happy to travel in it (and I bet didn’t offer the subway fare or whatever as even part contribution). They offer a cursory amount of petrol money, but wouldn’t tot up the actual cost per mile (think insurance, depreciation, wear and tear on car etc etc).

I have more sympathy for people who are genuinely hard up and really can’t afford to go £20 over budget on a day out or their kids won’t have lunch next week. But then the whole group needs to know this and be on board with sticking to that budget. This woman is just freeloading off others to finance her penchant for expensive purchases and that’s awful.

What a ridiculous idea this is for paying for stuff on a group trip

there are heaps of cards like revolut or monzo you could all use to pay for stuff and send whoever paid the money at the time of buying.

I think host should split it equally between four and ask for that amount from each of you and it's up to her and CF to sort it out.

If she'd have paid for all of her own things she could have chosen what to or what to not pay for.

But it’s part of the deal of going out with others, surely? Certainly if you’re going on a trip with others

Is it? You go on a trip with others and they say "I'm having champagne, steak and oysters for dinner so no matter what you have we're splitting the bill"?

I can't believe you thought this arrangement was a good idea!
If you did most things together then it's ridiculous to itemise everything you did. The bill should be split equally - job done.

The fact you got free accommodation makes up for any imbalances.

If she got in the taxis she should pay, and in general she should suck it up for the god of the group, unless it is well known she is tight for money and she was pushed into spending.

"The fact you got free accommodation makes up for any imbalances."

This is a really good point. Hostess friend will have spent money on breakfasts and any meals and drinks at home, in addition to saving the group the cost of hotel rooms.

Gosh, it sounds awkward all round really. I think though that when you go away with friends, then you should understand that not every decision, be it on what to do, or how money is spent is individual.
You are not in complete control, and will inevitably end up paying for some things that you might have avoided, had you been alone.
It seems obvious that whilst you could reasonably say that you don't wish to partake in a certain activity ( say Bungee jumping for example) and therefore won't be contributing, you can't unilaterally decide to not contribute to smaller generic group holiday costs.

just let it go
dont ruin your weekend away by niggling over teh bill

Consider a pass-agg comment in group.

“I didn’t actually drink several nights and am also able to walk but happy to just split because I never mentioned anything at the time and Host Friend has been so kind.”

If she got in the taxi, she should pay for it. If she didn't, she does have a point - although you should all have discussed this properly at the time. Same with the tipping - she IBU for doing this after the trip. Although I wouldn't invite her on the next one!