Do you know anyone who got married very young?

[Worryaboutmybread]

I’m a teacher at a secondary with a sixth form attached. One of my year 13 girls is engaged to her boyfriend (whose 19 and finished school last year). They’re planning on getting married this summer after she’s done her a levels. She seems very exited and was talking to her friends about going dress shopping with her mum. I said congratulations as I don’t feel like it’s my place to discourage it as she’s technically an adult but I can’t lie I felt like the whole thing is quite strange. His and her family are very religious and I think that’s a part of it, they’re apparently going to live and work on his uncles farm. It just seems so young to be settling down and like both of them will miss out on a lot. I have never come across something like this before in 10 years of teaching so I guess my AIBU is do you know anyone else who’s done this and got married while still in their teens?

Sorry didn’t mean to enable voting

I was 20. Still married 24 years later

I know amongst those going to uni it's unusual but certainly where I live many many girls have kids in their early 20s. It's a normal school mum age.

Agree it is unusual OP! Dome friends of mine at school got married after they graduated at 18. We were all amazed at the time. They're still together though more than 10 years later with a little boy.

A cousin also just got engaged at 18, I imagine they will be engaged a long time. It may all fall apart but they seem happy for now.

I suppose the concern would be if it's actually their parents pushing it, and not what they really want? If they're going into it willingly, I think you just have to let them make their own mistakes (or not as the case may be...!)

A girl I was at university with married the summer we graduated, so she was 21. She was heavily involved in the Christian Union and married the son of the local vicar. She’s never actually worked in a paid role - they did some missionary work overseas for a couple of years and then she had her first baby at about 26. They have four children but there are 3/4 year gaps between them so the last was born when she was 37. Not sure if she’ll work now.

Nothing wrong with getting married young. It's better than living with someone or having kids with them. I think it shows maturity.

I got married at 19

Yes, two school friends of mine married at 18
and 19 in the 1990’s. Both are now divorced. One marriage only lasted three years. The other one lasted about ten years.

My DPs mum got married at 19 and divorced at 23/24

I know two couples who got married in during uni who are still together, one set in their 30s the other in their 60s

Yes. I’m a Christian and it’s not uncommon within certain Christian circles to marry young, or marry within a short time of dating. A number of friends were married by the time they were 21 but I only know one couple who were married at 17. All still together but interesting how they felt about their children growing up.

My parents met at 16, got married as soon as they turned 18 (the day after my mum's 18th birthday) and were married for 39 years before my mum sadly died very suddenly. They loved that they'd proved everyone wrong. Their life together want perfect (who's is?) but they loved each other and my dad is still bereft over a decade later.

It’s not something I would encourage my children to do.

Was that recently @hugznotdrugz ?

I think there's a bit of an "in thing" at the moment about being a teenage bride.

Yeah hows that now? Statistically young marriages have a more than 50% chance of breaking up. I would be worried that she is forgoing her education and youth.

I got engaged at 17 to my now husband and we've been together 19 years now plus 2 children and a home together. It can work 😊

A teacher who doesn't know the contraction of who is? Hmmm.

I was 22. Fairly recently. In the last 5 years anyway. 18 feels very different though. It wouldn’t be what I’d particularly want for my daughter!!

Yes they are slightly more likely to end in divorce that if they had been older. Does that matter though? Plenty of non married relationships end up splitting but we never had stats for those - it's probably much higher again.

what?

I got engaged at 19 to my ex DH - it was a bit of a disaster though we're still very amicable (2 DCs, split at 27 when they were very young). I was a completely different person as a teenager and didn't know myself properly until I was well into my late twenties.

My cousin got married in Year 12 aged 16. Family are born again Christians. She continued her A levels into Year 13 as a married woman. Her husband was 19. They split when she was 28 and she started ‘living in sin’ with a 24-year-old…

I got married at 18, divorced at 19. My brother was married at age 19 and has been married for 25 years. Also know someone who just got married at 17.

I had just turned 20. I think it depends on when you become a fully independent adult as to how “young” this is. I was on my own and supporting myself 100% and living several thousand miles from my family from age 17. So I was quite mature by 20.

And marriage actually meant I could continue my education. If you’re married then parental income doesn’t count for maintenance student loans and my high earning parents had decided to only help my brothers go to to Uni.

Why?

I got married at 22. DH was 24 and still doing his masters, we met at university. Still happily married at 30.