Do you know anyone who got married very young?

[Worryaboutmybread]

I’m a teacher at a secondary with a sixth form attached. One of my year 13 girls is engaged to her boyfriend (whose 19 and finished school last year). They’re planning on getting married this summer after she’s done her a levels. She seems very exited and was talking to her friends about going dress shopping with her mum. I said congratulations as I don’t feel like it’s my place to discourage it as she’s technically an adult but I can’t lie I felt like the whole thing is quite strange. His and her family are very religious and I think that’s a part of it, they’re apparently going to live and work on his uncles farm. It just seems so young to be settling down and like both of them will miss out on a lot. I have never come across something like this before in 10 years of teaching so I guess my AIBU is do you know anyone else who’s done this and got married while still in their teens?

Young marriages are also less likely to end in divorce than second or third marriages…

Not married but got with my DH aged 21 (me) and 18. Still together 20 years later and got married sept 2021

I find it really strange how there is such a stigma against settling down young these days. It really feels like society feel she would be doing the "right" thing by going on a selection of endless disastrous online dates, experience being ghosted/ stood up by men who "aren't ready yet," having various relationships with uni course/ flatmates where the male partner "wants to see how things go and not put a label on it," and where she lives at her parents house well into her 20's. Indeed, I think the massive stigma against settling down young/ expectation that good/ middle class girls especially should delay settling down and should not expect men to commit to them or be ready for a serious/ meaningful relationship is one of the factors in the explosion of mental health issues amongst young women. I'm 30, I met my current partner when I was 28 and we have a baby together. I am happy now, I sure as hell was desperately unhappy when experiencing the above; and I can say had on heart that my peers that settled down young had immearsurably better mental health than those, ( including me), who didn't. I hope things work out wellf or her.

Also knew lots in Christian circles who married young and quickly. Some have survived the years since, many haven’t which is frown upon in the same circles. Massive pressure on young people to not live together or have sex until married so the reality of married life is a big shock.

In my circle many people marry young. I.e either during uni or straight after finishing uni. All of my friends who married young are still together, have had their kids and are now getting back into their careers in their early thirties now their kids are older. I think it depends on the background and social circle of the individuals.

If it were a British teenager with secular western Liberal upbringing then I would be inclined to agree with you, that it is unlikely to work out. But seems like they belong to a community where this is normal.

I don't think you should project your own feelings/ideas about life or her missing out onto her. Not everyone will share your values and priorities.

@DeDenholmElliot11 this was 9 years ago- still together now

I was 19 and DH 22 (met at university in my fresher's week). Still happily married 53 years later.

I got engaged in year 12, married the week after my last day of year 13. I was a repeater though so was just 20. Still married 15 years later, expecting our third .. I wouldn't say it's been easy though! We've definitely changed a lot as obviously who stays the same from 17 (how old I was when we got together) till 35. Maybe things would've been smoother if I'd been more of an adult personality when embarking on a relationship, but I don't regret marrying him. We've grown up together, and sometimes apart.

We were both Christians, from born again backgrounds and not very fundamentalist ourselves, more relaxed but still didn't want to live together without being married and did want to live together, so...

It doesn't mean giving up education either! We married in July and in September we both moved to my uni town where we spent the next three years together while I got my degree (he was 26 when we married, had finished uni).

I know three women who all got married either in uni or just after graduating - all devout Christians. One still married, she's a SAHM with 4 kids and the other two ended in divorce, one was particularly awful as they both put it all on social media.

My ex in her 20's although I'll give her partner credit, he's either James bond, or he has done well and been faithful, over the years.

I was 18 when I got married.

I grew up in a Conservative evangelical church and lots married in their early 20s. I left that church for a Liberal evangelical church where it is slightly less common but still quite a few young marriages.

I guess it's just because I feel people who move in with a partner, split up, move back to mums, move in with the next partner, split up, move back to mums, move in , well you get the drift, I just can't help thinking thats immature. If you've decided to marry you've made a conscious decision to do so and you are thinking long term, which shows maturity.

100% agree.

A family friend's daughter got married at 16 many years ago (Obviously with parents permission). I was 19 at the time and it shocked me seeing her as a bride as she was just so young looking. Her DH died in an awful accident at work 4 years later and she said she was always glad she'd had those years as his wife

I was married six weeks before my 19th birthday.

One of my very close school friends got married at 16. I thought she (and her mother for encouraging her) was crazy. We fell out, as I refused to go to the wedding, and I told her why. It didn’t last very long at all really.

I eloped age 18 to marry a boy I met on holiday! We are clinging on by the skin of out teeth over 25 years later!.

I got engaged at 17, married at 20, divorced at 36.

I got cold feet the night before the wedding but wasn't confident enough to call it off.

We grew apart really quickly, were really mismtched, but i stuck it out for 15 years and then left him.

I don't know anyone who got married particularly young but I am still great friends with 7 of my high school friends. 4 out of 8 of us are married to blokes we met as teens and have been together since. We're all almost 40.

So that does lead me to believe that a "young marriage" can definitely work.

I was engaged at 17, married just after I turned 21, dh was 26. Have just celebrated our 31st anniversary. It can work!

I know of two. Both couples divorced

Yes, two girls from school who were married at 16 and 18. Both Plymouth Brethren. Both still married.

I didn't get married young but I met starting dating dh at 17, we get married when I was 26, I'm 36 now so almost 20 years together and still have a good relationship.

My Dad married my Mum 2 weeks after turning 19 and are now nearly 40 years married.

Very uncommon now but doesn’t mean it won’t work.