Do you know anyone who got married very young?

[Worryaboutmybread]

I’m a teacher at a secondary with a sixth form attached. One of my year 13 girls is engaged to her boyfriend (whose 19 and finished school last year). They’re planning on getting married this summer after she’s done her a levels. She seems very exited and was talking to her friends about going dress shopping with her mum. I said congratulations as I don’t feel like it’s my place to discourage it as she’s technically an adult but I can’t lie I felt like the whole thing is quite strange. His and her family are very religious and I think that’s a part of it, they’re apparently going to live and work on his uncles farm. It just seems so young to be settling down and like both of them will miss out on a lot. I have never come across something like this before in 10 years of teaching so I guess my AIBU is do you know anyone else who’s done this and got married while still in their teens?

I know 2 who were married at 18 and both divorced by 21. Another married at 19 and managed more than 20 years, so who knows.

My parents and still married 55 years later.

Married at 21, still married 30+ years on. Grew up together. Not sure what I have missed out on. Multiple sexual partners? I'm fine with that. Travel, working, fun, life - still been able to do that. Oh and we're Christians too, so it's pretty normal to us and it is what I'd like for my kids ( if they want to marry/ find the person for them)but I wouldn't pressure them, just hope that they see what we did and it has been good.

I was engaged just before my 19th birthday and married shortly after my 20th;I also fell pregnant and had a baby between those dates.

If the 35 year had no qualifications, work experience, savings and property, then yes, they would be making themselves vulnerable.

If at 19 then she has those things to fall back on, then great. She is depending on her husbands family for her income and accommodation. She's screwed if it goes south. She'll be jobless with no home.

My best friends mum got married in her early 20s: she has always drummed into both of us to have a "fuck off" savings account and be financially independent.

I met my husband at 19 and we got married when I was 22 and he was 24. I remember a couple we knew at the time being rather nasty about it asking “what was the rush” and saying “they didn’t need a piece of paper” to show commitment in their relationship. They split a few weeks later & we are still married 11 years & 4 kids down the line. And I would still pick him if I met him now.

I think honestly it just boils down to the compatibility and maturity of the couple in question which will always vary from couple to couple. Some people would, I suspect, struggle to have a successful relationship whether they were 18 or 38. Others make great spouses despite being young in the world’s eyes.

Having said all that, I would encourage my own children to wait until at least 21 before considering marriage so they’ve had an opportunity to grow as a person a bit more, perhaps pursue further education or get a career off the ground.

We were 19 and 22. Still married 45 years on. A few ups and downs but no regrets. I have a few friends who were married at similar ages and still together and happy. We probably missed out on a few things like travel etc but gained in other ways. We got on the housing ladder very early and owned our own house comparatively early. We waited a few years before we had children which was sensible, for us anyway.

I was 19 when I got engaged (dh 22) and we have been together 22 years. Not religious or anything.

I'm not married but I have been with my partner since I was 18. We're almost 28 now and happy as Larry. It's not so much different that they're getting married than not - if we were at all religious we'd likely have married that summer.

My friend married at 16. She is now 51. They are still together and have 6 dc..

My Gran did. Married at 18, he was 28. They were married 68 years.

I also have two sets of friends married at 18 who are 10 years in.

I know way more that got married young and aren’t still together.

Me, aged 20.

Been happily married for 38 years.

My friend married at 17 divorced by 20. She’s 43 now, lived with her partner for about 20 years but never married again.

Schoolfriend of mine got married as soon as she turned 16 having had a baby a few months prior (he was 19)

They divorced when they were in their mid-30s, seemed to build a fair married life centred around their two children, but once the kids grew up I think they realised that was all they had in common.

From how you describe it the problem here is letting yourself (or young women around you letting themselves) be treated badly by young men.

You can not get married young but still be clear that when you have a boyfriend you have a boyfriend

One of my oldest friends married a couple of months off her 21st birthday & has been married for 36 years. I can’t imagine getting married that young. I was 36.

Girl at school got married at 17. Everyone assumed she was pregnant. She wasn’t. That was nearly 30 years ago. They’ve had their ups and downs but are still together, with grown up kids and grandkids.

Weddings of people over 35 have a waaaaay higher divorce rate than young weddings. I think something like the "peak" wedding age for couples staying together is quite young, mid 20s

I got married at 23 but met my husband at 19. Not quite the same but not every relationship is doomed to failure when you meet young.

i have a friend who met her husband at 16, another while was 15, another who was 17. They’re all very happy as far as I can tell.

I have been with my husband since we were 19 but we didn’t marry until we were 28. We’re not religious and were not in a hurry for children. It was important for me to get married at some point and definitely before children arrived. In the end had the kids at 31 and 34ish.

Got together when I was 16, married when I was 22. Been together 22 years, married 16.

Are they Jehovah's Witnesses?

Got married at 19, separated 11 months later!

People do still sadly die young though. My aunt and uncle who married in their teens were boomers. He died in his early forties and she died at 60. They got about 25 years together, saw their children grow up and became grandparents. She saw her grandchildren grow up.

I knew a girl at school the year above me. Went to Australia for the 6 week holidays and came back wearing the hijab and was married, she was 17.