Do you know anyone who got married very young?

[Worryaboutmybread]

I’m a teacher at a secondary with a sixth form attached. One of my year 13 girls is engaged to her boyfriend (whose 19 and finished school last year). They’re planning on getting married this summer after she’s done her a levels. She seems very exited and was talking to her friends about going dress shopping with her mum. I said congratulations as I don’t feel like it’s my place to discourage it as she’s technically an adult but I can’t lie I felt like the whole thing is quite strange. His and her family are very religious and I think that’s a part of it, they’re apparently going to live and work on his uncles farm. It just seems so young to be settling down and like both of them will miss out on a lot. I have never come across something like this before in 10 years of teaching so I guess my AIBU is do you know anyone else who’s done this and got married while still in their teens?

Um... you might like to re-read.

However, this "teacher" writes that the girl is "exited", and I spotted at least three other mistakes.

And no, I don't know anyone who got married that young, other than people of my parents' generation who left school at 15 and were regarded as "on the shelf" if they weren't married by 19.

As opposed to a teenage couple who are going to live and work on the husband's uncles farm?

She's making herself potentially very vulnerable there. Not very mature.

Hello, got together at 14, married at 22 and still happily married. Wasn't for religious reasons, we just love each other very much but I do thank God that we found each other!

I was 19! Only lasted 11 years though.

Someone I know got married to her boyfriend straight out of school, they were 18 or 19 I think. It all ended horribly a couple of years later when he turned out to be a bit controlling and unhinged. She divorced him quite quickly, and it didn't really get spoken of again. Whole thing was a bit weird really.

I was 20, and I married him out of a combination of "total infatuation" and "cold, hard practicalities" (he was from overseas and would have had to return after uni).

I was divorced at 32.

Do I regret it? Not really! In the sense that I like my XH, we're still friends, and will probably always be. Having lived through some really tumultuous times together, he's that one friend I can tell absolutely everything and who will never look down on me, having seen me at my lowest and worst. And: I'm genuinely happy that this has meant he has had the chance to build a life, a career, and a family here.

Was it good for me? No! Not even remotely! My timing - both in terms of getting married and getting divorced - have made my life awkward and out of sync with my peers. When my friends were dating and figuring themselves out in our twenties, I was "the married one". In our thirties, I was the "single and fun" one whereas they had started to settle down.

Would I recommend it to a friend? Never in a million years! We typically simply don't have all that much of a clue of who we are and where we're headed when we're that young. And I suppose shared goals, at the end of the day, matter so much more than pure infatuation when it comes to making a marriage a success in the long run!

That said, I'm now 40 and a corporate executive - most of my peers are men in their 50s, who are either divorced or on their 2nd or 3rd marriages. At least I get to "fit in" over "fun" divorce stories ... it's something, I suppose?

Used to have a friend who met his wife at 16 and married at 21.

I married at 19. I am happily married with 2 primary school ages kids still now. I met my husband at 17 and still wholeheartedly think he's the one for me.

I've worked the entire time weve been together so have never had to sacrifice my career due to thr choices I made. Nor do I regret them.

My parents married at 18 & 20 in 1967. They divorced in 2001.

My Nan was 20 when she married my 31 year old grandad after just 2 dates in 1945!
They stayed married for 68 years until his death.

My other grandparents married both aged 20 in 1940 & divorced in 1960.

Some of the girls I went to school with 25 years ago married their mostly older fiancés as soon as they left school at 16 & most are still together...

A few. Most are still together, one lasted over 25 years until the man's midlife crisis 🙄

If it's making yourself vulnerable to go and live and work on your husbands uncles farm then surely thats nothing to do with age? What if a 35 year old did it? Would they be making themselves vulnerable too?

I do, and in very similar circumstances actually. This particular couple were both 18 when they married, both from very religious families, I believe they’re still together at now 30. He was one of triplets, and they all married before they were 20.
Each to their own, but there’s a reason not many couples who get together in their teens stay together, and adding a legal contract into the mix isn’t, imo, the best move in most cases.
It was different back in the old days I guess, lots more young marriages then. My GMIL was just 17 when she married GFIL who was 19. They remained married until he passed away.

My 3 cousins all got married not long after they graduated but they’re all Christians and about 12-16. They also went to a Christian secondary boarding school abroad for most of their secondary education (their DF was the headmaster).

A close friend of mine whose parents were Indian got married at 18 in an arranged marriage, they’re both Muslims. She was your usual non headscarf wearing, Western clothes etc teenage girl and carried on similar to this in her early 20s when both of them and their youngest child moved to Dubai for her DH’s work. She had more DC and did get a job as a nursery nurse later but she turned into a fairly religious person and wore hijabs all the time, presumably to fit in with Dubai emerati lifestyles and cultural/religious beliefs. She did post some cryptic posts about things not being as they seemed and she confided in her best friend in England that she’d been unhappy in her married life in Dubai, felt she’d married young and given up going to uni to get married (she was on course to be a doctor with her studies before her arranged marriage). Things did get better when she got her nursery nurse job and had friends. She and her family moved back to England from Dubai I think 2-3 years before covid 19 started and moved near her DP’s house and restaurant.

Sorry meant to say some of the 16 year old girls I went to school with who got married were from Romany backgrounds where it's seen as normal to get married young.

I grew up in a fundamental Christian church. Most people got married straight after graduating. I knew one person who married at 19. But most were around 21/22.

It’s quite unusual nowadays I think. My mum and dad got married at 19. Divorced at 29 😂

I had my first child at 19, second at 21, got married to their dad when I was 24 and we are still together (I’m now 35).

I was engaged at 21 due to get married and move to Canada not long afterwards as an army wife. Thank god my best friend at college encouraged me not to do this and to date other people. My fiancé had a drink problem and I think I’d now be divorced with kids and living back in England.

I know 2 couples who married at 16 and are still married now (50 years later).

My sister married at 19 but divorced after 31 years.

My mum was 17, stayed married to my dad until she died 46 years later.

I find it pretty alien myself. And can't imagine ever being married, let alone as a teenager.

Going back a few years but there were a couple in my class at school in the 90's who got married very soon after they were 16. His parents bought them house to live in together while they were both still in Year 11.

Yes I've known a few. I am 73 and it wasn't all that unusual when I was young. Some lasted, some didn't. My neighbour married at 18 and 50 years later, they are still going strong. I gather her parents were the same.

I think it is better to wait a bit longer but if people really want to be married, good luck to them. All you can do is congratulate and wish them all the best.

I got married at 21

Still married 8 years later have been together for 10 in March
We have three children too
We also own our home, an apartment and a business

Married at 19, still together now I'm in my early 30s.

I know/have known a few. A few evangelical Christian friends of my children (after 6th form), my daughter in laws mother (18), two very close friends (one at 19 to a 20 year old has just celebrated her ruby wedding and the other at 22, straight after university have also celebrated their ruby wedding). Several others slightly older and slightly younger.
All those I know who’ve lasted have been from a family with a faith. Personally, I’d be unhappy with my children not establishing careers first but both couples who’ve done ruby wedding have had very successful careers - one couple both GPs and one a solicitor/consultant.

My parents married aged 19. Still going strong now in their 60s 🥰