Do you know anyone who got married very young?

[Worryaboutmybread]

I’m a teacher at a secondary with a sixth form attached. One of my year 13 girls is engaged to her boyfriend (whose 19 and finished school last year). They’re planning on getting married this summer after she’s done her a levels. She seems very exited and was talking to her friends about going dress shopping with her mum. I said congratulations as I don’t feel like it’s my place to discourage it as she’s technically an adult but I can’t lie I felt like the whole thing is quite strange. His and her family are very religious and I think that’s a part of it, they’re apparently going to live and work on his uncles farm. It just seems so young to be settling down and like both of them will miss out on a lot. I have never come across something like this before in 10 years of teaching so I guess my AIBU is do you know anyone else who’s done this and got married while still in their teens?

Friends of mine got married at 16 and 18 in 1981. Still very happily married 41 years on 😊

Being at school and being engaged is an uncomfortable contrast for me.
I would worry, if it was my child that the novelty would wear off, they would grow up and grow apart, realise they never lived enough etc.
That said most of my friends (modern orthodox Jews) were married by 23 and almost all are still together 25 years on.
I think background and expectations count for a lot but also think there's an element of chance bc one never knows what will happen down the line

I met DH at age 18. This was 12 years ago. Engaged at 19, married at (just) 22. All's still going well but we are different people. Luckily those people still love each other and get along well.

I was engaged at 15. Ended up postponing the wedding due to pregnancy but still together and married now for 11 years at 31.

I know roughly 5/6 couples who got married at 19/20, all early 50s now. All divorced and some on second and third marriages.

Not since the 1960s! And both brides had left school at 15 and been working about 3 years before marrying at 18.

I got engaged at 18, married at 19. He was 26.
It was a terribly abusive marriage, we finally divorced when I was 30.

Met at 18, moved in together at 19, engaged at 20 married at 22 and divorced at 28. Whilst I have no issue with meeting someone while your young , I would advise not taking on too much joint responsibilities Ie children, mortgage . Your still learning and growing at that age you may grow together or you may grow apart.

My husband and I got together when we were 17 and married at 21 - we will have been married 40 years in March. DS2 got married at 19 - at the end of his first year in University. DD3 met her fiance in her first term at University and she is getting married in June. She will be 21 as well.

No good reason to get married young. Life expectancy is enormous compared to when people married young in the past. Also if religious pressure is making you get married thats even worse.

My brother married when he was 25 and I thought that was young.

The good reason is to build and spend your life with the person you love. I met him at 14 and still want more time! 😂

Met at 19 , married at 20 . Still happily married nearly 40 years later . Not sure i would recommend or deter my children from early marriage , but it has worked for us .

Not married in their teens but I was in further education with several people who were engaged to their school boyfriend and married them by 21. Of those I know about, 3 couples are still together approximately 35 years later. I guess it can work. I personally didnt marry until I was 29 and I look back on my 20s as a time of wonderful freedom, but maybe those married feel the same way?

I was 20 and we were married for 52 years but it was more usual then, now women seem to marry much later.

My sister married when she was 17. Lasted 43 years until her death. I married at 18. Married 44 years. Nothing to do with age. Good luck to the couple.

I’ve never wanted to get married but I’m in a relationship with someone I met when I was 18, we have been together well over 20 years.

But as a PP notes above, I was a self sufficient teenager, paying my way from very early, first job at 11, two jobs by 14, left school and into full time job at 15, moved out of home into my own house at 17. I was a homeowner by 20, a parent by 21 and an orphan by 23. I suppose I did things in a slightly different order to the “usual”.

No regrets particularly.

I have a friend who got married at 19 - was married for over 30yrs before her DH met someone else. She's now very happily having the time of her life in her 50's that she didn't have in her 20's because of bringing up DC.

I don't think she regrets marrying young - but she's certainly making up for lost time 🤣

I got married at 26 and I think that was way too young. A friend married her DH at 21, wayyy too young. Teens is crazy, this is not Kentucky fgs.

Not married at that age but Ive been with DH since 18.

I was engaged at 16 aswell, didnt make it to marriage because he was a lying cheeting asshole and the whole thing was toxic.

I dont think 'age' has anything to do with anything its the PEOPLE that make a relationship (married or not) work... I know people who married in their 30s and didn't even make it a year (I have seen that a lot actually, people too set in their ways to adjust. Where as I don't know than many who married young but I do know many who have been together decades starting from teen/early 20's).

I dont think young people are anymore likely to devorce than any other age group, it all sits around 50/50.

If half of all first pregnancies are before age 30 then it's great if people marry first.

It was quite a traditional thing to marry young, especially in religious families. The whole sex before marriage being discouraged thing. Perhaps it’s that? Especially if both sides are religious.

I should say I knew lots of teen that where ENGAGED, its just in my social group 10 years-ish is about average (approx. 75% of us) from engagement til marraige, I guess we mostly arent rushers.

I married at 17 and divorced at 47 so didn't do badly! Long term single now though.

I know lots. All religious. As I read the OP I thought ‘they must be Christian’s’. They are told they can’t have sex before they are married- and many stick to it. Some are happy and some aren’t.

I once met (a work trial) a woman who'd had an arranged marriage when she was 18. (NB not forced, or without meeting). Seven or so years later she seemed reasonably happy about it.

My mother got married at 19 (though when I, aged 19, mentioned this she hastily said "yes but I'd been working for three years!"). They were still together when she died 37 years later.