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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lift for 5 years - AIBU?

921 replies

Pinot4me · 28/11/2022 20:07

I go to a hobby / interest 4 times a year. It’s a 60 mile round trip but it’s worth it. I really enjoy it and have met some lovely people.
We always go for a meal afterwards. I can never drink because I am always driving. 5 years ago somebody from the same village as me joined the group. She isn’t really a friend, more a neighbour that I am friendly with. She drove herself there for the first couple of times and then asked me if I would give her a lift. I naturally assumed that we would lift share but it just never happened.
She has never offered to drive me or contributed towards my fuel costs. So, basically we all go out and she has several drinks with her meal and I can only have one small one and we leave.

I have taken some annual leave next week and I asked her if she would drive as I really fancied having a few drinks for a change. She very reluctantly agreed but it was awkward and I could see she wasn’t keen.
She has messaged me today saying that she can’t imagine going out and not being able to have a few drinks (grim ) and that she had booked a taxi at a cost of £80 return. She then said so, half n half £40 each..

AIBU to be annoyed? I can’t afford £40 and I think she is cheeky to ask given that she has had free lifts for 5 years!

I’ve composed the following response but haven’t sent it yet… I suppose I am sense checking in case I am the one who is being unreasonable.

“ I can confirm that is indeed pretty grim to drive whilst everyone else drinks. It is what I do every time we go. I’m not up for sharing a taxi - I can’t afford it. Don’t worry about it, I will see you there”.

I honestly don’t feel inclined to give her a lift in future but don’t want the hassle of feeling awkward or causing upset.

Thoughts please.

OP posts:
AlleycatMarie · 08/12/2022 19:24

Wonderful update op!! So glad you had a good time. I loved that someone in your group commented on how it was a nice change for you!!
Handled perfectly throughout 🙂

saturnsring · 08/12/2022 19:32

I'd love to have a meal and a drink with you op, you sound brill!

shreddies · 08/12/2022 19:37

I love this!

Fraaahnces · 08/12/2022 19:39

I wonder if she had grabbed a lift over to @Pinot4me‘s place with her partner and kid and warned them to do their best daily mail Sad Eye Faces so OP would be guilted into driving, then lost her shit when she realised that she actually HAD gone away as planned.

Hodge00079 · 08/12/2022 20:05

Like many here I am over invested in this thread. Waiting for an update.

I am so glad how things went. The irony of how the tables turned about driving and having a drink. Even the whine from CF backfired. It must have been a triumph moment.

This thread has probably made people think about the CFs in their lives and inspired them to stand up to them.

Please, please, please create a new thread now ready for more CF antics and link it back to this one. We could probably have a whole thread guessing when CF will start paving the way to wheedle a lift in March.

Emotionalsupportviper · 08/12/2022 20:14

Fraaahnces · 08/12/2022 19:39

I wonder if she had grabbed a lift over to @Pinot4me‘s place with her partner and kid and warned them to do their best daily mail Sad Eye Faces so OP would be guilted into driving, then lost her shit when she realised that she actually HAD gone away as planned.

Oooh- yes!

Kids in pyjamas, husband with runny nose . . .

keepcalm11 · 08/12/2022 20:51

Ive loved this thread, thank you OP and so pleased to hear you had a great time

MeridianB · 08/12/2022 21:36

Yay to the update, OP. Glad you had a fab time.

CF will be back like a lift-grabbing zombie in the Spring! 🧟‍♀️

PixieLaLa · 08/12/2022 22:16

Love the update, well done OP! 😁

MountainChalet · 08/12/2022 23:41

Brilliant!!! I just came to mumsnet tonight for the update 😆

blitzen · 09/12/2022 07:16

So glad to read this update! Victory! Well done x

emptythelitterbox · 09/12/2022 08:36

Well done OP. Glad you had a lovely time enjoying yourself, staying over, breakfast cooked for you.

Merry Christmas and looking forward to next years' installment of CF.

startfresh · 09/12/2022 08:41

Emotionalsupportviper · 08/12/2022 17:41

I wonder why she missed the event at the start.

I also wondered this, @startfresh , and all I can think is that she sat for some time with her coat on, her little face pressed against the window, waiting for OP to arrive, thinking "She surely wouldn't leave me here. Not when she's driving anyway . . . she must have seen all of my messages . . . another 5 minutes. She'll be along in another 5 minutes . . . "

And then when she realised that OP had left her and had ignored the messages, then she had to argue with her OH who wanted the car to go to the pub, then fill it up en routeand she perhaps got caught behind an Evri delivery van (I know from the length of time it takes to get a package that they don' exactly break any speed limits) and then decided not even to appear half-way through the activity, but to be deliberately late just to prove what a great deal of personal difficulty and trouble it was to get there.

I could be wrong, obviously. (Bet I'm, not!)

Oh I love this image.

I think it was more her husband was saying "no way am I doing that fucking drive. Get yourself there you lazy cow. So cheeky!"

😂

poefaced · 09/12/2022 08:53

she declined and said that she couldn’t and loudly said that she “had to drive this time”

She hasn’t learned a thing, has she?

As she said ‘this time’, that implies she fully expects that next time she won’t be driving. She thinks this time was an anomaly.

And then the way she said ‘had to drive’, as if it was a great inconvenience foisted on her 🙄

Mix56 · 09/12/2022 10:48

After all the fuss, She did the trip alone, just to have one drink & sit with the group.. Batshit.
Well done OP. If she starts up for the March session. You look her in the eye & say. "Not happening. Not even if you actually drive & pay your share..for 5 years" bar Covid

Emotionalsupportviper · 09/12/2022 11:16

As she said ‘this time’, that implies she fully expects that next time she won’t be driving. She thinks this time was an anomaly.

Ooh - good point @poefaced - she plans to make this "driving herself" into a one-off.

Courage, ma bravette! - you can stand against this, OP!

Emotionalsupportviper · 09/12/2022 11:22

I think it was more her husband was saying "no way am I doing that fucking drive. Get yourself there you lazy cow. So cheeky!"

You could well be right @startfresh - "WHAT?! Sit there in the car for three effing hours while you get ratted? Or go to a pub where everybody is having their Christmas night out and sit on my own like Jonny-no-mates with a half of shandy, a bag of crisps and me kindle? Bugger that! And before you even think of suggesting it, there's no fecking way I'm driving you there then coming all the way home just to turn round and drive back to collect you!

"Now get out of the way of the telly. I'm missing 'Dad's Army'"

ns87 · 09/12/2022 11:35

Well done OP, expertly handled.

She is clearly a CF as she still hasn't realised she was wrong.

sentientpuddle · 09/12/2022 11:52

Pinot4me · 08/12/2022 12:13

Here’s the promised update:
I had a really lovely evening. Pub accom was basic but clean and adequate for what I needed. Breakfast was a treat! It always tastes better when someone else cooks it for you!

CF tried to contact me during the day yesterday but I ignored her message asking me to call her. As planned, I met up with my friend (who is unconnected to the group) and explained it all to her.. she gave me the same advice as you lovely lot. I showed her this thread!

Right. Now for the bit you’re interested in.
Not that exciting, but here goes…
CF was there. She didn’t come to the group activity but she did come to the pub so I thought she was a no show at first.
I initially wasn’t sure how she had got there and didn’t ask. I was normal and friendly towards her and she was the same to me. It’s such a friendly group of people that any animosity would be picked up on straight away so I was relieved it was drama free.

Towards the end of the meal somebody went to the bar and offered us all a drink, I accepted and she declined and said that she couldn’t and loudly said that she “had to drive this time”. ( I normally just say, “no thanks, I’m driving”.)
So it felt like her comment was loaded and it riled me.
Now, bearing in mind that I hadn’t mentioned the issue to any of the group. I loved what came next. One of the guys said, as quick as a flash, “well that must make a lovely change for P4M”. 😂 (I did a little happy dance inside at this comment)! It was said innocently which made it all the sweeter..
I then said to the group (inc CF) that I had decided to treat myself and was actually staying over and how I’d met up with an old friend for coffee during the afternoon etc etc..
Her face was a picture. I didn’t need to say anything more and the group were still oblivious.
I didn’t think anyone had ever even noticed that I drove all the time!

I admit that I did give a few of them a bit of an update after she left but in a very low key way. I said that if I had to spend £40 on a taxi I might as well enjoy myself and spend it on a room instead.

I feel triumphant! Thank you all for backing me and giving me the confidence to do what I want to do instead of what someone else wants me to do.

The next meet up is not until March. We shall see how things unfold in the run up to it.

Ps: some of the comments from the last time I checked until now have had me chucking…

I think we should all meet for a meal and a laugh - ps: I’m not driving! Haha 😂

I don't understand why she drove all the way there and didn't even go to the group activity. Was that not the point of the trip & the pub afterwards is a bonus social thing? Bizarre behaviour on CFs part. Wasit a massive passive aggressive move to make you feel guilty?

VaddaABeetch · 09/12/2022 12:28

She went there to show people What a brave girl she is. Driving all that way & she couldn’t even have a drink. Just because selfish mean OP wouldn’t drive her when she was going there anyway. She thrives off drama.

SamTG · 09/12/2022 12:49

Yes! This!

SleekMamma · 09/12/2022 12:54

Following for the march update
#TeamOP
#soproudofyou

Emotionalsupportviper · 09/12/2022 13:11

SleekMamma · 09/12/2022 12:54

Following for the march update
#TeamOP
#soproudofyou

So many 2023 diaries with this already in!

Lunde · 09/12/2022 14:26

sentientpuddle · 09/12/2022 11:52

I don't understand why she drove all the way there and didn't even go to the group activity. Was that not the point of the trip & the pub afterwards is a bonus social thing? Bizarre behaviour on CFs part. Wasit a massive passive aggressive move to make you feel guilty?

Show quote history

My guess is that she waited all day for OP to cave in and drive her - totally expected it - and by the time she realised that OP wasn't going to be her free taxi (and possibly after going to OP's house and finding her gone) - she was running really late .....

sentientpuddle · 09/12/2022 14:30

Lunde · 09/12/2022 14:26

My guess is that she waited all day for OP to cave in and drive her - totally expected it - and by the time she realised that OP wasn't going to be her free taxi (and possibly after going to OP's house and finding her gone) - she was running really late .....

Show quote history

Flip me, I kind of want this to be true - talking about cutting off your nose to spite your face!

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