Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lift for 5 years - AIBU?

921 replies

Pinot4me · 28/11/2022 20:07

I go to a hobby / interest 4 times a year. It’s a 60 mile round trip but it’s worth it. I really enjoy it and have met some lovely people.
We always go for a meal afterwards. I can never drink because I am always driving. 5 years ago somebody from the same village as me joined the group. She isn’t really a friend, more a neighbour that I am friendly with. She drove herself there for the first couple of times and then asked me if I would give her a lift. I naturally assumed that we would lift share but it just never happened.
She has never offered to drive me or contributed towards my fuel costs. So, basically we all go out and she has several drinks with her meal and I can only have one small one and we leave.

I have taken some annual leave next week and I asked her if she would drive as I really fancied having a few drinks for a change. She very reluctantly agreed but it was awkward and I could see she wasn’t keen.
She has messaged me today saying that she can’t imagine going out and not being able to have a few drinks (grim ) and that she had booked a taxi at a cost of £80 return. She then said so, half n half £40 each..

AIBU to be annoyed? I can’t afford £40 and I think she is cheeky to ask given that she has had free lifts for 5 years!

I’ve composed the following response but haven’t sent it yet… I suppose I am sense checking in case I am the one who is being unreasonable.

“ I can confirm that is indeed pretty grim to drive whilst everyone else drinks. It is what I do every time we go. I’m not up for sharing a taxi - I can’t afford it. Don’t worry about it, I will see you there”.

I honestly don’t feel inclined to give her a lift in future but don’t want the hassle of feeling awkward or causing upset.

Thoughts please.

OP posts:
RobertsRadio · 08/12/2022 13:23

Lovely update from you Op. So glad you had fun day and evening, with a delicious cooked breakfast as well. I think you handled everything with real class. Good luck in March.

moresleepstillnever · 08/12/2022 13:39

purplecorkheart · 08/12/2022 11:47

My money is on CF either turning up at the ops house the night before in tears and trying to bully the op into giving her a lift there.

Or else op driving there with the plan to get taxi home but oh dear has too much to drink and wants to share room with op. Of course she will have a bag wih pjs and clean clothes just happened to be in the car.

Definitely the latter. Staring at OP throughout the meal.. dropping hints... more staring...

SidTwaddell · 08/12/2022 13:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Salome61 · 08/12/2022 13:49

I am so glad you had a nice time. I went to college as a mature student, and went out of my way to drop a fellow mature student home each night. When she offered petrol money, I smoked at the time, and said a packet of fags a month would be lovely. Five months later and several frustrating incidents where I'd wished I'd never offered later, it was Christmas and no fags at all. I told her I wouldn't be taking her home any more as I was changing my route. She was really put out and slagged me off to all and sundry.

It's helped me seeing someone earlier saying it starts as appreciation and gratitude then becomes expectation and entitlement.

Snazzysausage · 08/12/2022 14:45

Well what do I know, I must admit I didn't think she would show up at all,pleased you had a lovely time and a bit of a treat.Roll on March! Happy Christmas!

AngelontopoftheTree · 08/12/2022 15:05

Delighted that you had a good night, and a lovely breakfast! It's great that your selflessness with given lifts has not gone unnoticed.

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 08/12/2022 15:10

Great update. Love the friends comment too. Brilliant 🤩

Riverlee · 08/12/2022 15:13

Well done op and glad you had a lovely coffee, evening and breakfast.

Looking forward to March…

startfresh · 08/12/2022 15:15

I would have had to say something about the taxi fare in front of CF and everyone else so they all knew how utterly unreasonable she was.

I wonder why she missed the event at the start.

I also wonder if she will say she tried to call you to offer a lift as she was driving. We know it's not true but she might try that.

viques · 08/12/2022 15:16

Gazing into my crystal ball ( oh damn, winning lottery numbers clouding my view AGAIN) I think CF will contact the OP sometime in the New Year, full of contrition, she sees now how she has inadvertently caused the rift by her insensitivity over the lifts (conveniently forgetting about offering any payment)and how sorry she is and would hate the relationship to founder for such a petty reason, so here’s her suggestion, in future you share the driving between you, taking turns to drive ! Simples. Except after the first time ( isn’t this fun and sensible, why didn’t we do it years ago) when it comes to it there will always be a reason she can’t do her stint, her OH needs the car, she missed the date for the MOT, the petrol cap is stuck, there’s an r in the month…..

Stand firm OP, no lifts offered, no offence taken.

Jillybloop393 · 08/12/2022 15:16

Oh well handled op - you have every right to feel triumphant! Glad you had a great time .... don't let cf wheedle her way back in - you've done your bit where she's concerned. Keep us updated when she tries it on again!

ifIwerenotanandroid · 08/12/2022 15:27

Glad you had a lovely time, & well done to the member of the group who spoke up!

PeachyPeachTrees · 08/12/2022 15:43

I'm surprised CF drove 60 miles for the pub and didn't go to the group activity. Anyway, all went well and no more lifts horray!

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/12/2022 15:47

Excellent update!

Buy nice commenting man a beer on me!

startfresh · 08/12/2022 16:13

viques · 08/12/2022 15:16

Gazing into my crystal ball ( oh damn, winning lottery numbers clouding my view AGAIN) I think CF will contact the OP sometime in the New Year, full of contrition, she sees now how she has inadvertently caused the rift by her insensitivity over the lifts (conveniently forgetting about offering any payment)and how sorry she is and would hate the relationship to founder for such a petty reason, so here’s her suggestion, in future you share the driving between you, taking turns to drive ! Simples. Except after the first time ( isn’t this fun and sensible, why didn’t we do it years ago) when it comes to it there will always be a reason she can’t do her stint, her OH needs the car, she missed the date for the MOT, the petrol cap is stuck, there’s an r in the month…..

Stand firm OP, no lifts offered, no offence taken.

Or she will just make sure the OP does the Christmas party lift each time. The main one.

Viorica13 · 08/12/2022 16:25

I hope you had fun, let us know 😊 xx

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 08/12/2022 16:37

Thanks for the update; glad it went well.

Keep us posted!

Hidingawaytoday · 08/12/2022 16:38

What's the betting the one who mentioned it was a nice change for you is a mumsnetter who's seen this thread and showing subtle solidarity 🧐

Knors · 08/12/2022 16:50

Hidingawaytoday · 08/12/2022 16:38

What's the betting the one who mentioned it was a nice change for you is a mumsnetter who's seen this thread and showing subtle solidarity 🧐

haha yes!

Tandia · 08/12/2022 17:09

Will you please post when she gets in touch nearer the March date and let us know what happens, OP? I am seriously overinvested in your amazing victory! If you post in this thread again we'll all know about it, even if you start a new thread will you pop a link in here?

amonsteronthehill · 08/12/2022 17:29

Brilliant update. I'm glad others had clearly noticed she always rode in with you so she could drink, clearly without reciprocating.

buckeejit · 08/12/2022 17:30

Great stuff, glad you had a good time & there wasn't too much hassle 💚

Chocolateandcherries · 08/12/2022 17:38

OP please update us in March 😁

Emotionalsupportviper · 08/12/2022 17:41

I wonder why she missed the event at the start.

I also wondered this, @startfresh , and all I can think is that she sat for some time with her coat on, her little face pressed against the window, waiting for OP to arrive, thinking "She surely wouldn't leave me here. Not when she's driving anyway . . . she must have seen all of my messages . . . another 5 minutes. She'll be along in another 5 minutes . . . "

And then when she realised that OP had left her and had ignored the messages, then she had to argue with her OH who wanted the car to go to the pub, then fill it up en routeand she perhaps got caught behind an Evri delivery van (I know from the length of time it takes to get a package that they don' exactly break any speed limits) and then decided not even to appear half-way through the activity, but to be deliberately late just to prove what a great deal of personal difficulty and trouble it was to get there.

I could be wrong, obviously. (Bet I'm, not!)

Noodlehen · 08/12/2022 18:04

I’ve avoided MN all day so there would be an update when I logged in - that’s how sad I am!

well done OP, and fair play to that man for his innocent dig although personally I suspect it wasn’t 100% innocent and he is an observant sort. Here’s to your next meet up being drama free 🥂