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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lift for 5 years - AIBU?

921 replies

Pinot4me · 28/11/2022 20:07

I go to a hobby / interest 4 times a year. It’s a 60 mile round trip but it’s worth it. I really enjoy it and have met some lovely people.
We always go for a meal afterwards. I can never drink because I am always driving. 5 years ago somebody from the same village as me joined the group. She isn’t really a friend, more a neighbour that I am friendly with. She drove herself there for the first couple of times and then asked me if I would give her a lift. I naturally assumed that we would lift share but it just never happened.
She has never offered to drive me or contributed towards my fuel costs. So, basically we all go out and she has several drinks with her meal and I can only have one small one and we leave.

I have taken some annual leave next week and I asked her if she would drive as I really fancied having a few drinks for a change. She very reluctantly agreed but it was awkward and I could see she wasn’t keen.
She has messaged me today saying that she can’t imagine going out and not being able to have a few drinks (grim ) and that she had booked a taxi at a cost of £80 return. She then said so, half n half £40 each..

AIBU to be annoyed? I can’t afford £40 and I think she is cheeky to ask given that she has had free lifts for 5 years!

I’ve composed the following response but haven’t sent it yet… I suppose I am sense checking in case I am the one who is being unreasonable.

“ I can confirm that is indeed pretty grim to drive whilst everyone else drinks. It is what I do every time we go. I’m not up for sharing a taxi - I can’t afford it. Don’t worry about it, I will see you there”.

I honestly don’t feel inclined to give her a lift in future but don’t want the hassle of feeling awkward or causing upset.

Thoughts please.

OP posts:
tattychicken · 08/12/2022 09:47

What if CF decided to stay in the pub over night too? And tries to get a lift home this morning from OP? Wouldn't put it past her..

Billybagpuss · 08/12/2022 11:27

My moneys on cf not turning up

purplecorkheart · 08/12/2022 11:47

My money is on CF either turning up at the ops house the night before in tears and trying to bully the op into giving her a lift there.

Or else op driving there with the plan to get taxi home but oh dear has too much to drink and wants to share room with op. Of course she will have a bag wih pjs and clean clothes just happened to be in the car.

MyAutocorrectWishesMeDeaj · 08/12/2022 11:53

DID CF MURDER OP?????

Iloveringos · 08/12/2022 11:54

MyAutocorrectWishesMeDeaj · 08/12/2022 11:53

DID CF MURDER OP?????

🤣🤣🤣

GiantKitten · 08/12/2022 11:58

MyAutocorrectWishesMeDeaj · 08/12/2022 11:53

DID CF MURDER OP?????

Well OP said she’d update us when she gets home, and I’d hope she’s making the most of her day out in destination town today, so we must just wait patiently (and not keep checking thread every 5 minutes) 🤣

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 08/12/2022 12:07

I think you sound lovely. She is totally taking the piss and she knows it. No lifts for here again. Enjoy your night out.

Original poster
Pinot4me · 08/12/2022 12:13

Here’s the promised update:
I had a really lovely evening. Pub accom was basic but clean and adequate for what I needed. Breakfast was a treat! It always tastes better when someone else cooks it for you!

CF tried to contact me during the day yesterday but I ignored her message asking me to call her. As planned, I met up with my friend (who is unconnected to the group) and explained it all to her.. she gave me the same advice as you lovely lot. I showed her this thread!

Right. Now for the bit you’re interested in.
Not that exciting, but here goes…
CF was there. She didn’t come to the group activity but she did come to the pub so I thought she was a no show at first.
I initially wasn’t sure how she had got there and didn’t ask. I was normal and friendly towards her and she was the same to me. It’s such a friendly group of people that any animosity would be picked up on straight away so I was relieved it was drama free.

Towards the end of the meal somebody went to the bar and offered us all a drink, I accepted and she declined and said that she couldn’t and loudly said that she “had to drive this time”. ( I normally just say, “no thanks, I’m driving”.)
So it felt like her comment was loaded and it riled me.
Now, bearing in mind that I hadn’t mentioned the issue to any of the group. I loved what came next. One of the guys said, as quick as a flash, “well that must make a lovely change for P4M”. 😂 (I did a little happy dance inside at this comment)! It was said innocently which made it all the sweeter..
I then said to the group (inc CF) that I had decided to treat myself and was actually staying over and how I’d met up with an old friend for coffee during the afternoon etc etc..
Her face was a picture. I didn’t need to say anything more and the group were still oblivious.
I didn’t think anyone had ever even noticed that I drove all the time!

I admit that I did give a few of them a bit of an update after she left but in a very low key way. I said that if I had to spend £40 on a taxi I might as well enjoy myself and spend it on a room instead.

I feel triumphant! Thank you all for backing me and giving me the confidence to do what I want to do instead of what someone else wants me to do.

The next meet up is not until March. We shall see how things unfold in the run up to it.

Ps: some of the comments from the last time I checked until now have had me chucking…

I think we should all meet for a meal and a laugh - ps: I’m not driving! Haha 😂

OP posts:
amiold · 08/12/2022 12:16

Pinot4me · 08/12/2022 12:13

Here’s the promised update:
I had a really lovely evening. Pub accom was basic but clean and adequate for what I needed. Breakfast was a treat! It always tastes better when someone else cooks it for you!

CF tried to contact me during the day yesterday but I ignored her message asking me to call her. As planned, I met up with my friend (who is unconnected to the group) and explained it all to her.. she gave me the same advice as you lovely lot. I showed her this thread!

Right. Now for the bit you’re interested in.
Not that exciting, but here goes…
CF was there. She didn’t come to the group activity but she did come to the pub so I thought she was a no show at first.
I initially wasn’t sure how she had got there and didn’t ask. I was normal and friendly towards her and she was the same to me. It’s such a friendly group of people that any animosity would be picked up on straight away so I was relieved it was drama free.

Towards the end of the meal somebody went to the bar and offered us all a drink, I accepted and she declined and said that she couldn’t and loudly said that she “had to drive this time”. ( I normally just say, “no thanks, I’m driving”.)
So it felt like her comment was loaded and it riled me.
Now, bearing in mind that I hadn’t mentioned the issue to any of the group. I loved what came next. One of the guys said, as quick as a flash, “well that must make a lovely change for P4M”. 😂 (I did a little happy dance inside at this comment)! It was said innocently which made it all the sweeter..
I then said to the group (inc CF) that I had decided to treat myself and was actually staying over and how I’d met up with an old friend for coffee during the afternoon etc etc..
Her face was a picture. I didn’t need to say anything more and the group were still oblivious.
I didn’t think anyone had ever even noticed that I drove all the time!

I admit that I did give a few of them a bit of an update after she left but in a very low key way. I said that if I had to spend £40 on a taxi I might as well enjoy myself and spend it on a room instead.

I feel triumphant! Thank you all for backing me and giving me the confidence to do what I want to do instead of what someone else wants me to do.

The next meet up is not until March. We shall see how things unfold in the run up to it.

Ps: some of the comments from the last time I checked until now have had me chucking…

I think we should all meet for a meal and a laugh - ps: I’m not driving! Haha 😂

👏🏻

I hope when you gave them the update that they agreed she was out of order!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 08/12/2022 12:19

Excellent result, OP - beautifully played!

Ps: some of the comments from the last time I checked until now have had me chucking…

Are you sure that's not just you overdoing it on your rare opportunity to hit the booze? Grin Grin Grin

RandomMess · 08/12/2022 12:22

What an update glad breakfast was fab too.

Original poster
Pinot4me · 08/12/2022 12:24

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 08/12/2022 12:19

Excellent result, OP - beautifully played!

Ps: some of the comments from the last time I checked until now have had me chucking…

Are you sure that's not just you overdoing it on your rare opportunity to hit the booze? Grin Grin Grin

Lol 😂 chuckling… blooming autocorrect

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 08/12/2022 12:24

Great update and yay to the person saying what a lovely change for you.
Glad it all went well.

purplecorkheart · 08/12/2022 12:27

Yay, I am really delighted for you. Wouldn't it be a shame that you are having phone problems on the build up to the next get together and will miss her calls and texts.

Honestly though I would love to know what she would have said if you had called her (love also how she was going to get you to pay for the call rather than her).

Picoloangel · 08/12/2022 12:29

OP I think I want to be you when I grow up. I’m 57. You’re awesome.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 08/12/2022 12:30

Lol 😂 chuckling… blooming autocorrect - just occasionally, AC is brilliant!!

(love also how she was going to get you to pay for the call rather than her).

Yes, that's a good point, actually: it's supposedly up to OP to do the chasing and then also pay for the call - makes it sound like whatever CF has to say/beg is in OP's interests rather than CF's.

MavisMcMinty · 08/12/2022 12:31

I’m new (my 10th day here, I think) to Mumsnet and this thread was one of the first I saw, and like everyone else have been very absorbed and “invested” in it, thank you! I hoped all AIBUs would be as gripping as this one but sadly not. Well done OP! xxx

Sprouttreesareamazing · 08/12/2022 12:35

You absolutely rock op!
Merry blooming Christmas...
🎅

Emotionalsupportviper · 08/12/2022 12:36

Excellent result all round!

She got the message, you had moral support in that others had noticed she constantly cadged lifts, you had a lovely breakfast thet you didn't need to cook (envious of this!) and everyone (possibly with the exception of one . . . ) had a wonderful evening.

Couldn't have worked better!

Fraaahnces · 08/12/2022 12:39

I just love how she had the gall to keep trying to scab a lift with you right up until she got into her own damn car. You might need to do a photo series and title it “CF’ in Action.” Have her on her phone, you picking up your phone and rolling your eyes, you filling up your car, you paying for petrol, her in the pub drinking wine, etc.
Anyhow, well done scraping her off. I can’t believe we have to wait until March for the next installment though!

MsRosley · 08/12/2022 12:41

Bloody well done, OP. A blow again CF-ery everywhere!

Emotionalsupportviper · 08/12/2022 12:46

Fraaahnces · 08/12/2022 12:39

I just love how she had the gall to keep trying to scab a lift with you right up until she got into her own damn car. You might need to do a photo series and title it “CF’ in Action.” Have her on her phone, you picking up your phone and rolling your eyes, you filling up your car, you paying for petrol, her in the pub drinking wine, etc.
Anyhow, well done scraping her off. I can’t believe we have to wait until March for the next installment though!

I've put it in my diary.

😂

SalviaOfficinalis · 08/12/2022 12:51

So glad it worked out well for you OP, and thank you for updating

XanaduKira · 08/12/2022 13:02

Well done Op, glad you had a great time and that it was drama free!

LookItsMeAgain · 08/12/2022 13:06

I'm genuinely delighted that you were able to enjoy your evening @Pinot4me.

I wonder if the CF will start trying to arrange a lift for the March meet-up in early January...sowing the seeds so to speak?

At least now you have the measure of her and she knows that her card is marked.

Have a wonderful Christmas and New Year! See you in March 2023 for the next installment of "CF wants a lift" 😆

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