Lift for 5 years - AIBU?

[Pinot4me]

I go to a hobby / interest 4 times a year. It’s a 60 mile round trip but it’s worth it. I really enjoy it and have met some lovely people.
We always go for a meal afterwards. I can never drink because I am always driving. 5 years ago somebody from the same village as me joined the group. She isn’t really a friend, more a neighbour that I am friendly with. She drove herself there for the first couple of times and then asked me if I would give her a lift. I naturally assumed that we would lift share but it just never happened.
She has never offered to drive me or contributed towards my fuel costs. So, basically we all go out and she has several drinks with her meal and I can only have one small one and we leave.

I have taken some annual leave next week and I asked her if she would drive as I really fancied having a few drinks for a change. She very reluctantly agreed but it was awkward and I could see she wasn’t keen.
She has messaged me today saying that she can’t imagine going out and not being able to have a few drinks (grim ) and that she had booked a taxi at a cost of £80 return. She then said so, half n half £40 each..

AIBU to be annoyed? I can’t afford £40 and I think she is cheeky to ask given that she has had free lifts for 5 years!

I’ve composed the following response but haven’t sent it yet… I suppose I am sense checking in case I am the one who is being unreasonable.

“ I can confirm that is indeed pretty grim to drive whilst everyone else drinks. It is what I do every time we go. I’m not up for sharing a taxi - I can’t afford it. Don’t worry about it, I will see you there”.

I honestly don’t feel inclined to give her a lift in future but don’t want the hassle of feeling awkward or causing upset.

Thoughts please.

Send it...and be unavailable to be her taxi service future..... She obviously doesn't deserve your kindness

Well done Op & I completely agree - it's the principle of paying for the taxi rather than being able to afford it.

Justifying a night in a hotel, with breakfast included, is much easier than paying for a taxi to save someone money when they've been taking you a mug for years (excluding covid - unbelievable that was mentioned - she really is a cheeky fecker!)

Hope you enjoy your hobby and it doesn't spoil things.

Glad you got your point across.

Have a ready answer should anyone try to get you two to lift share to this event in the future.

Lets hope you don't need a ride either there or back home one time for whatever reason. Not that she would offer and I guarantee she would tell you no if you swallowed your pride and asked.

Send it. It's absolutely the best thing to do. Don't be surprised if she takes umbrage though. I wouldn't be surprised also if she say well if you're taking the car anyway can I have a lift? Tell her you're taking the train. If Iived near you I wouldtake you and pick you upjust to see the lookon her face.

PM for next Wednesday 👀

Genius 😂

If you go in the taxi with her, you’ll have to go back with her and she might say it’s your turn to pay return fare. Too risky

I’ve enjoyed reading every reposnse while the football is on!!

it’s so easy to fall into the trap of giving lifts without ever having the favour returned. I’m loving the messages you sent Op & the fact she called you crying & calling you out on the number of lifts rather then apologising & offering petrol money or paying for the cab shows what a CF she really is.

Just be sure not to let her know that you are staying over in advance because she will likely still expect a lift as you are already going that way, and I am sure if she pays for a cab there she will expect that she will be able to pressure you into taking her home. So to be able to say I’m sorry I’m staying over will be so satisfying. Even then expect to be told that she would have stayed if you told her. Or even ask how you can afford it when you couldn’t afford the cab. Of course your answer needs to be I decided to treat myself.

I have finally reached that stage in my life where I am finally able to say no & not feel guilty about it. It’s incredibly refreshing. I now only help out people who are genuinely my friends and would help me out in return. I recently gave my friend a lift to work for two weeks while her usual lift was off sick. I passed her house every day & it was no problem to pick her up & she presented me with a large bottle of gin at the end of it. She probably spent the same on bus fare as she did in the gin & I was happy to take her anyway, but she wanted to show her appreciation & the gin was a lovely surprise.

Shamelessly waiting for the next update!

YANBU. Definitely not, the cheeky mare. Pretty sad if she can't imagine socialising without drinking, alternate times - but if she really can't, she should foot the bill for the whole taxi. I have a very good friend who I love to bits. She never learned to drive and is used to drinking whatever she wants and her husband drives....and she does love to drink. It drives me insane when she expects me to do the same when we go on holiday together. She'll say quite blantantly that she hates wasting money on cabs. I ended up putting my foot down and saying it's either a cab or we do something alcohol free. I had to otherwise we could have fallen out over her sense of entitlement. Your neighbour though, is in a different league. I think your message to her is perfect.

Wow! She’s a whole new level of CF. Good for you for taking a stand. I can’t believe the cheek of her. 🤯

She's a mean CF! Send your message - don't hesitate, and never give her a lift again.

Well done OP!

I cannot believe people would even think to call you out and basically justify/ feel sorry for this entitled CF!! I’m so pleased you have told this ridiculous person where to go and really hope you have a lovely ‘no freeloader attached’ time!!

Wow she really is a cheeky fucker

icb she has never offered to drive or offer cash towards diesel costs

and then to say it wasn’t 5yrs

well it was still 3 x 4 trips a year so 12 lifts never reciprocated

Enjoy your b&b

Same!

You're a legend op. Enjoy yourself.

Ideally live updates for next Wednesday please!

I think your proposed reply is perfect - polite but to the point. Let her take the taxi and pay for it. What appalling bad manners.

Considerate and reasonable people would be only too happy to take turns with the driving - or if, like me, they couldn't drive offer to go at least halves on the petrol.

I definitely wouldn't mention you've booked a room overnight.
Have a great time next Wednesday, I look forward to your update.

Sorry, I should have read the whole thread. I now see that you did indeed send the message, which I thought was a very good one.

As for her crying on the phone, that is typical of self-centred people. Instead of confining herself to a genuine and profuse apology - and offering some recompense - she tries crying in order to turn you into the villain of the piece.

I expect people in the village are well aware that this person is a bit of a free loader but even if they are not you were absolutely right to put an end to this very unequal, and apparently unappreciated, arrangement.

Yep definitely over invested here too!
I wish I could send messages like that when u know people are taking the P@#S but just end up giving in.

Well done! Please keep us posted

Have fun! 🥰

Well done OP. Don't be moved by the manipulative tears. Even she must realise that's she's been completely u.

I disagree. Be honest.

I would proudly tell everyone you're stopping the night so you can have a drink!

It looks as though your cf neighbour will have to not drink every time if she wishes to continue the hobby. As everyone has said, you’ve done the right thing for you. I also wouldn’t mention the hotel stay until the evening and would pass a comment how lovely it is to be finally able to let your hair down after all this time.