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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lift for 5 years - AIBU?

921 replies

Pinot4me · 28/11/2022 20:07

I go to a hobby / interest 4 times a year. It’s a 60 mile round trip but it’s worth it. I really enjoy it and have met some lovely people.
We always go for a meal afterwards. I can never drink because I am always driving. 5 years ago somebody from the same village as me joined the group. She isn’t really a friend, more a neighbour that I am friendly with. She drove herself there for the first couple of times and then asked me if I would give her a lift. I naturally assumed that we would lift share but it just never happened.
She has never offered to drive me or contributed towards my fuel costs. So, basically we all go out and she has several drinks with her meal and I can only have one small one and we leave.

I have taken some annual leave next week and I asked her if she would drive as I really fancied having a few drinks for a change. She very reluctantly agreed but it was awkward and I could see she wasn’t keen.
She has messaged me today saying that she can’t imagine going out and not being able to have a few drinks (grim ) and that she had booked a taxi at a cost of £80 return. She then said so, half n half £40 each..

AIBU to be annoyed? I can’t afford £40 and I think she is cheeky to ask given that she has had free lifts for 5 years!

I’ve composed the following response but haven’t sent it yet… I suppose I am sense checking in case I am the one who is being unreasonable.

“ I can confirm that is indeed pretty grim to drive whilst everyone else drinks. It is what I do every time we go. I’m not up for sharing a taxi - I can’t afford it. Don’t worry about it, I will see you there”.

I honestly don’t feel inclined to give her a lift in future but don’t want the hassle of feeling awkward or causing upset.

Thoughts please.

OP posts:
helpplease01 · 29/11/2022 18:46

Cheeky cow! She's never offered you petrol money! Mind you, you should have asked her for a contribution. People like that will take the piss unless you put them straight.
Tell her 'too bad'
And going forward, due to the cost of living crisis, you drive turn about.
Fucking cheek.

Clarabell77 · 29/11/2022 18:46

I clicked on you are being unreasonable by mistake - she sounds like a right cheeky madam - send the message!

CheerfulYank · 29/11/2022 18:47

I’m desperate to know how it actually goes on the day of! Way to go, OP.

FairFuming · 29/11/2022 18:48

I like how whe made it your fault for being upset when she was just suggesting something nice! I'm glad you are getting a treat!

RoyKeaneisRight · 29/11/2022 18:56

Good for you OP! Enjoy your night, it'll be so nice not having to find a taxi after your (I presume, but not sure you said it) Christmas party.

helpplease01 · 29/11/2022 19:00

She has responded and asked me how I’m going to get there if we don’t share a taxi!

Ok, that's the final straw.

I would send her this

" we are done. I'm no longer giving you lifts anywhere again. If you really can't see how outrageous your behaviour is then I'm over this, I will no longer be involved in any of your transport issues you selfish cow'

Bleachmycloths · 29/11/2022 19:05

A good message but I would omit ‘don’t worry about it’. Sod her.

bonnielochs · 29/11/2022 19:07

helpplease01 · 29/11/2022 19:00

She has responded and asked me how I’m going to get there if we don’t share a taxi!

Ok, that's the final straw.

I would send her this

" we are done. I'm no longer giving you lifts anywhere again. If you really can't see how outrageous your behaviour is then I'm over this, I will no longer be involved in any of your transport issues you selfish cow'

The OP has already responded, look at "See All" for her updates.

Barney60 · 29/11/2022 19:11

very good message send it, cheeky f.....

HB8 · 29/11/2022 19:11

Me too!

Mumof3PrettyBoys · 29/11/2022 19:14

She sounds selfish. Do not offer anymore lifts and indeed, see her there.. if suddenly she has a dilemma getting home afterwards, tell her you're picking someone up on ur way back so no space, Sorry! Hope it helps OP

ememem84 · 29/11/2022 19:15

Bets that the CF tries to stay over at the pub with you because she’s had too much to drink and can’t drive back….

Ginseng1 · 29/11/2022 19:18

She has no self awareness at all. All those times happy to take lift so she could drink, never offer petrol or to take a turn driving & then when you finally ask her to drive the least she could do is offer to pay the taxi - this once!!

KelvingrovesBest · 29/11/2022 19:29

Is she on mumsnet I wonder?
Would be interesting if she responded here or perhaps she has!!

helpplease01 · 29/11/2022 19:36

am ridiculously over-invested in this, and being a nosey ole trout would love to know if she a) tries to cadge a lift back; b) doesn't go at all; c) drives herself; d) finds another soft-hearted soul to leech off.

I'm with you. I'm totally invested now. Please keep us posted as to how she responds.

Your resolve has given joy to all of us Mumsnet users. No one likes a freeloading narcissist.

Summysoom · 29/11/2022 19:39

I always marvel at the couple of percent of Mumsnetters who vote against what everyone else votes for. This post in particular. Who on earth thinks that the CF is being fair or reasonable?

oosha · 29/11/2022 19:41

The message is spot on, I would just add the petrol money that she owes you for half the journey cost for the last five years! What a CF she is! Taking the mick or what!

FlickyCrumble · 29/11/2022 19:49

Don’t tell her about your booked room or you might end up sharing your bed!

smooshraspberry · 29/11/2022 19:50

I look forward to the updated OP!

Coffeepot72 · 29/11/2022 19:58

It's frighteningly easy to just fall into these one-sided routines.

And a darn side harder to get out of them!

dementor72 · 29/11/2022 19:59

‘Well Done’ you , enjoy yourself. I’m looking forward to next Thursdays update !

NannaKaren · 29/11/2022 20:04

Send!

RogersOrganismicProcess · 29/11/2022 20:09

Ah good for you op, I hope you have a lovely night staying over.

keepcalm11 · 29/11/2022 20:30

Great update OP. Staying at the pub will be perfect. Hope you have a lovely well deserved time 💝

MMAS · 29/11/2022 20:34

It is definitely a very very cheeky response. Whilst I agree with what others are saying, would caution slightly. How small is the village you live in and, could this neighbour cause you issues as a result. I think it is absolutely reasonable to go back and say really sorry but, I can't afford that right now as just had an unexpected expense. Perfectly understand if you don't wish to bear the cost of the taxi on your own so will bow out for now. Perhaps we could look at sharing the cost of the petrol going forward if not happy to pay for the taxi this time round ? That is calling her bluff, wait for the response as I suspect she will cave. However, it all depends on how long the taxi ride is and how uncomfortable it might be as to whether you would want to do that or not. I most definitely would not drive in any case. I personally would worry whether she would pay when you got to either end so this needs to be resolved one way or the other.