Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lift for 5 years - AIBU?

921 replies

Pinot4me · 28/11/2022 20:07

I go to a hobby / interest 4 times a year. It’s a 60 mile round trip but it’s worth it. I really enjoy it and have met some lovely people.
We always go for a meal afterwards. I can never drink because I am always driving. 5 years ago somebody from the same village as me joined the group. She isn’t really a friend, more a neighbour that I am friendly with. She drove herself there for the first couple of times and then asked me if I would give her a lift. I naturally assumed that we would lift share but it just never happened.
She has never offered to drive me or contributed towards my fuel costs. So, basically we all go out and she has several drinks with her meal and I can only have one small one and we leave.

I have taken some annual leave next week and I asked her if she would drive as I really fancied having a few drinks for a change. She very reluctantly agreed but it was awkward and I could see she wasn’t keen.
She has messaged me today saying that she can’t imagine going out and not being able to have a few drinks (grim ) and that she had booked a taxi at a cost of £80 return. She then said so, half n half £40 each..

AIBU to be annoyed? I can’t afford £40 and I think she is cheeky to ask given that she has had free lifts for 5 years!

I’ve composed the following response but haven’t sent it yet… I suppose I am sense checking in case I am the one who is being unreasonable.

“ I can confirm that is indeed pretty grim to drive whilst everyone else drinks. It is what I do every time we go. I’m not up for sharing a taxi - I can’t afford it. Don’t worry about it, I will see you there”.

I honestly don’t feel inclined to give her a lift in future but don’t want the hassle of feeling awkward or causing upset.

Thoughts please.

OP posts:
Emotionalsupportviper · 29/11/2022 17:57

Pinot4me · 29/11/2022 17:12

I’ve just got home from work and caught up on all the comments. I can’t believe how many there are! An Interesting mix of views!
To those that are saying that I said I can’t afford a taxi and have now booked a hotel room. I guess if I switched the word afford to justify then it would make more sense.
I haven’t heard from CF at all since the tearful phone call last night. There is also a WhatsApp group and she hasn’t been on that either.
I have managed to book a room in the pub we are eating in for just under £50 inc breakfast. I feel I can ‘justify’ that as it’s a treat. Getting to the event is not. It’s something I do all the time.

To be honest, you lovely lot made me realise that I have been treated like a mug - I also acknowledge that I enabled this. But no more! I should have said something long ago.. we just sort of fell into a groove and the longer it went on the more difficult it became to address it.

Going forward, I don’t want to lift share in her car or mine - I am just going to drive myself there in future and meet up with people who’s company I enjoy. How CF gets there is up to her. We are both adults with cars after all!

I am not sure whether she will speak to anyone in the group. That’s up to her. What I do know is that quite a few other people there share lifts and (surprise, surprise) alternate drivers.

The next meet up is on Wednesday next week. I will update afterwards.
Thanks again for all the comments and for the humour - some of them had me laughing out loud 😊

Perfect!

And your drive home will be much more pleasant when you've had a good night's rest and a breakfast that someone else has prepared for you (Always a treat fo most women!).

Have a great time.

weezypops · 29/11/2022 17:59

Well done you! Have a fantastic night!

TimBoothseyes · 29/11/2022 18:02

Snazzysausage · 29/11/2022 17:40

Great update,what luck getting a room in the pub you're eating in! Oh dearie me though,won't it be awful if CF does as other posters have predicted and makes a fuss about not being able to get a taxi home just as you collect your key and happily saunter off upstairs whilst confirming that,yes you'd love a full English breakfast please! Ha!

Don't forget to mention it's a single room (even if it's not), just in case she gets it into her head that she can share and you will drive her home in the morning.

yphtutor · 29/11/2022 18:02

Send the message and don’t ever take the bloody piss taking tight arse again

tillymintt · 29/11/2022 18:04

send it. How are people like this???
I need to know what happens next so please get back to us!

Heyhoitsme · 29/11/2022 18:05

This reminds me of when I went to a weekly class near where my friend lived. I would pick her up en route. Afterwards we'd go for a drink. Well she had a drink I'd have a tomato juice. On the way back to her house I'd take a detour to the off licence so she could buy herself wine. I did this for years. Never had a word of thanks. I finally gave up the class because I was fed up being used.

Soproudoflionesses · 29/11/2022 18:06

Shamelessly placemaking.

Op you are my hero for standing up for yourself...this is exactly the type of situation l would get myself into and tie myself in knots trying to get out of!

MavisMcMinty · 29/11/2022 18:08

I’m brand new to MN and have really enjoyed this thread, thanks.

  1. When I was a teenager my slightly older boyfriend used to charge me petrol money for picking me up and driving me back home.
  2. After initial bemusement I think I know what CF means - cheeky fecker?
  3. YANBU, not at all.
MavisCruet2023 · 29/11/2022 18:11

Cheeky cow. She can fuck off for herself.

Freespeech1 · 29/11/2022 18:15

You're far too nice, I wouldn't of done this for 5 weeks let alone 5 years . I would of outed her eventually and she would of gotten the message. I would rather go there half an hour early , than go on her terms with her riding in my car , that's how I would of played it. She would be damned if she was getting a lift back either

Emotionalsupportviper · 29/11/2022 18:22

Heyhoitsme · 29/11/2022 18:05

This reminds me of when I went to a weekly class near where my friend lived. I would pick her up en route. Afterwards we'd go for a drink. Well she had a drink I'd have a tomato juice. On the way back to her house I'd take a detour to the off licence so she could buy herself wine. I did this for years. Never had a word of thanks. I finally gave up the class because I was fed up being used.

It's frighteningly easy to just fall into these one-sided routines.

I think the important thing is to learn from it, and not to beat yourself up about it.

BabyDriversMummy · 29/11/2022 18:23

Great message. SEND!!

LizzieSiddal · 29/11/2022 18:24

@MavisMcMinty Yes you’re quite right about CF. Welcome to Mumsnet.

DunkingMyDonuts · 29/11/2022 18:28

BabyDriversMummy · 29/11/2022 18:23

Great message. SEND!!

Is this the new "cancel the cheque" 🙄

Freespeech1 · 29/11/2022 18:29

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 28/11/2022 20:55

I'd treat yourself to a stay over because if you don't, and she manages to make her way there, she will hit you up for a ride home. Mark my words.

Yes she definitely will, but op can make out she's doing a bug detour on way home or make out she needs to see someone in the opposite direction. She can offer the nearest bus stop perhaps ha

wentworthinmate · 29/11/2022 18:31

Well done OP for sorting this CF out! I bet she quits the hobby there now, not because of you but because she has to drive herself. You made the right call.

NellesVilla · 29/11/2022 18:32

I’m incandescent with rage on your behalf, OP. The cheeky mare extraordinaire!

Never give her a lift again, and do not be tempted to take her back even if she’s conveniently “lost” her purse/card afterwards.

Where do some people get the nerve from???

latetothefisting · 29/11/2022 18:35

Good on you OP! And it absolutely makes sense to justify staying over rather than paying for the taxi. Apart from the principle of the thing, a nice cooked breakfast would be a tenner anyway, so the cost works out the same. Except instead of an awkward taxi ride home with a cheeky fucker (and long drives if you've been drinking are sometimes not the most fun!), you get a night away, nice breakfast, can drink as much and stay out as late as you want without having to be ready for when taxi arrives, can take your time driving there/home with radio on full blast, can even wander round the local area/stop somewhere on your way home if you wanted, etc.

LadyDanburysHat · 29/11/2022 18:37

What a satisfying result OP. I hope she doesn't make things awkward for you. But at least you now bo longer have to be annoyed at giving a lift.

MadeForThis · 29/11/2022 18:37

Well done.

Riverlee · 29/11/2022 18:39

Just read your updates. The comments about lockdown are hilarious - she just doesn’t get it! Enjoy your Christmas meaL (and shamelessly looking forward to the update!).

hazelmurf · 29/11/2022 18:40

Send that message .

Madamum18 · 29/11/2022 18:41

“I can confirm that it is indeed pretty grim to drive whilst everyone else drinks. It is what I do every time we go as I am always the one driving us there! . I’m not up for sharing a taxi - I can’t afford it and my petrol costs will be less than that. I will see you there”

buckeejit · 29/11/2022 18:41

Heavens to Betsy! To be on the safe side I'd be cagey about your plans OP - just say 'I'm staying nearby'. I don't think she'll end up going but very much looking forward to the update on Wed. Actually more looking forward to this than most of my own festive engagements 🥴

Madamum18 · 29/11/2022 18:44

Sorry ...just realised that you have dealt with it! Well done. She is a user, shwoing even more by the fact that she is trying to "pull you up" on the 5 years because of lockdown. Flowers