Lift for 5 years - AIBU?

[Pinot4me]

I go to a hobby / interest 4 times a year. It’s a 60 mile round trip but it’s worth it. I really enjoy it and have met some lovely people.
We always go for a meal afterwards. I can never drink because I am always driving. 5 years ago somebody from the same village as me joined the group. She isn’t really a friend, more a neighbour that I am friendly with. She drove herself there for the first couple of times and then asked me if I would give her a lift. I naturally assumed that we would lift share but it just never happened.
She has never offered to drive me or contributed towards my fuel costs. So, basically we all go out and she has several drinks with her meal and I can only have one small one and we leave.

I have taken some annual leave next week and I asked her if she would drive as I really fancied having a few drinks for a change. She very reluctantly agreed but it was awkward and I could see she wasn’t keen.
She has messaged me today saying that she can’t imagine going out and not being able to have a few drinks (grim ) and that she had booked a taxi at a cost of £80 return. She then said so, half n half £40 each..

AIBU to be annoyed? I can’t afford £40 and I think she is cheeky to ask given that she has had free lifts for 5 years!

I’ve composed the following response but haven’t sent it yet… I suppose I am sense checking in case I am the one who is being unreasonable.

“ I can confirm that is indeed pretty grim to drive whilst everyone else drinks. It is what I do every time we go. I’m not up for sharing a taxi - I can’t afford it. Don’t worry about it, I will see you there”.

I honestly don’t feel inclined to give her a lift in future but don’t want the hassle of feeling awkward or causing upset.

Thoughts please.

We had a similar experience with neighbours. We used to go out for a meal around four times a year, as two couples and it was always either me or dh who drove!
When we suggested they drove, I got the same sort of text saying she’d booked a taxi and it was £30 each couple. We haven’t been out with them since and they keep asking. We’re always suddenly very busy when they ask us. So the CFs haven’t even got the hint!

don’t want the hassle of feeling awkward or causing upset.

The sooner you get over this the sooner you will have a freer and better life. She's not a friend, she is a a CF, and what you wrote is fine.

And likewise what you've done since when she rang you crying etc. how embarrassing (her, not you OP!). Best rid of this acquaintanceship as far as is able with having the similar interest. Let us hope she doesn't bad mouth you to the grou. Or that they ignore her. It really is silly season and it's not even December yet!

*group

Perfect response. Restrained, polite fury.

She has messaged me today saying that she can’t imagine going out and not being able to have a few drinks (grim ) and that she had booked a taxi at a cost of £80 return. She then said so, half n half £40 each..

I got the same sort of text saying she’d booked a taxi and it was £30 each couple.

In both the cases, the manipulation is unreal. The CF is basically saying you are responsible for getting me to this place and if you don’t drive me, it will cost you. The taxi threat is to ensure you never stray from their script again.

Someone put it really well in the thread but can’t find it.

Perfect eloquent. She's a tight, entitled cow!

We need Mumsnet CF of the year award.

This thread is definitely up there.

So glad you've got rid of your CF, OP. Hope you do treat yourself to that room and ENJOY!!

I’ve just got home from work and caught up on all the comments. I can’t believe how many there are! An Interesting mix of views!
To those that are saying that I said I can’t afford a taxi and have now booked a hotel room. I guess if I switched the word afford to justify then it would make more sense.
I haven’t heard from CF at all since the tearful phone call last night. There is also a WhatsApp group and she hasn’t been on that either.
I have managed to book a room in the pub we are eating in for just under £50 inc breakfast. I feel I can ‘justify’ that as it’s a treat. Getting to the event is not. It’s something I do all the time.

To be honest, you lovely lot made me realise that I have been treated like a mug - I also acknowledge that I enabled this. But no more! I should have said something long ago.. we just sort of fell into a groove and the longer it went on the more difficult it became to address it.

Going forward, I don’t want to lift share in her car or mine - I am just going to drive myself there in future and meet up with people who’s company I enjoy. How CF gets there is up to her. We are both adults with cars after all!

I am not sure whether she will speak to anyone in the group. That’s up to her. What I do know is that quite a few other people there share lifts and (surprise, surprise) alternate drivers.

The next meet up is on Wednesday next week. I will update afterwards.
Thanks again for all the comments and for the humour - some of them had me laughing out loud 😊

It's the whole principle isn't it. The right thing to do here is she drives so you get the night off and can enjoy more than a small drink with dinner. I definitely think she's BU.

Night in the pub you are eating in sounds perfect and a lovely treat. Enjoy.

Your message is good.

Don’t give her a lift again, and avoid as much as possible. She’s a selfish rude person.

Nicely handled OP. If she does chat nonsense behind your back just tell them the truth. She wasn't taking turns, contributing to your petrol and basically being a complete CF.

warning seen things like this before. Don't be surprised if she somehow manages to get dropped off or gets cheaper public transport and has no plans for the journey back assuming you'll have driven and won't leave her without a way home in front of everyone 'since you are driving anyway'. Be prepared for how you're handling it.

Love this, good for you op!!!! She's a proper pisstaker isn't she!!

What a cheeky bitch ,she would never set foot in my car again

Christ the queen of cheeky feckery there my friend..
Rude and appalling friend stomping over your good nature.

next time she comes over,, wait til she opens the door to hop in and say £40 please. If she baulks.. just drive off and meet her there. No loss.. you made your point..

That sounds perfect. A night in the pub after your meal. Bliss.... unless she decides to hitch a bed in your room for free 😂

Great update,what luck getting a room in the pub you're eating in! Oh dearie me though,won't it be awful if CF does as other posters have predicted and makes a fuss about not being able to get a taxi home just as you collect your key and happily saunter off upstairs whilst confirming that,yes you'd love a full English breakfast please! Ha!

Love the response! I'd rather walk than share a taxi with that CF

I always think people can't actually be that cheeky.... then I come on here. How rude of her. If she's getting a taxi there anyway just say you may as well just join her- the way she's joined you for lifts! Isn't it hilarious that she clearly doesn't think she owes it to you!

Good god, she's never offered to share the petrol costs for 5 YEARS?!

Words fail me.

Good response . She’s a CF

YANBU 100% and she is definitely a CF!

Did she actually say she'd booked the taxi, as per your first post, or was it a suggestion as per this further post? She's still a CF either way, I'm just curious as to the extent, not even discussing it with you first! That wouldn't be so bad if she was paying as a surprise to return the favour. Some people, front and Sainsburys!

Oh my god, i cannot get over the CF! I hope she is throughly ashamed but i guess not.
I hope you have a fantastic night. Enjoy the luxury of being able to stay over and do not under any circumstances when she finds out you are staying over allow her to room share after a few too many pinots.

All the best op