Lift for 5 years - AIBU?

[Pinot4me]

I go to a hobby / interest 4 times a year. It’s a 60 mile round trip but it’s worth it. I really enjoy it and have met some lovely people.
We always go for a meal afterwards. I can never drink because I am always driving. 5 years ago somebody from the same village as me joined the group. She isn’t really a friend, more a neighbour that I am friendly with. She drove herself there for the first couple of times and then asked me if I would give her a lift. I naturally assumed that we would lift share but it just never happened.
She has never offered to drive me or contributed towards my fuel costs. So, basically we all go out and she has several drinks with her meal and I can only have one small one and we leave.

I have taken some annual leave next week and I asked her if she would drive as I really fancied having a few drinks for a change. She very reluctantly agreed but it was awkward and I could see she wasn’t keen.
She has messaged me today saying that she can’t imagine going out and not being able to have a few drinks (grim ) and that she had booked a taxi at a cost of £80 return. She then said so, half n half £40 each..

AIBU to be annoyed? I can’t afford £40 and I think she is cheeky to ask given that she has had free lifts for 5 years!

I’ve composed the following response but haven’t sent it yet… I suppose I am sense checking in case I am the one who is being unreasonable.

“ I can confirm that is indeed pretty grim to drive whilst everyone else drinks. It is what I do every time we go. I’m not up for sharing a taxi - I can’t afford it. Don’t worry about it, I will see you there”.

I honestly don’t feel inclined to give her a lift in future but don’t want the hassle of feeling awkward or causing upset.

Thoughts please.

Was going to say for £40 you could book a room good on you,

If I were you op I would not be mentioning the Hotel to her even on the night. I could see her cancelling her taxi and trying to stay with you. I suggest that you mention that you are staying in a dodgy air bnb with a very strange landlady.

I wouldn’t say anything about hotel
or she will be inviting herself. I’d just drink what you fancy and let the penny drop when she realises you ate drinking and obviously aren’t driving home. If she asks just say oh don’t worry I’m not driving home.

There is another thread about a rude person being a CF regarding car rides. What is it with people? Do people not see how rude they are or do they know but are just nasty enough to not care?

I suspect they think Op was going anyway so them hitching a ride isn’t costing anything extra. Or Op offered first lift without thinking actually it would be polite to offer petrol money or reciprocate and then just assumed. Perhaps so used to others chauffeuring them they don’t even think about it.

Why do people always advice making up an excuse? If she approaches you at the event for a lift home tell he No, call your taxi, I'm done with being your unappreciated chauffeuse.

Send the message and feel free to enjoy yourself.

the cheek of it, if she offered to contribute fine, but she couldn’t even do that.

I would politely decline any future lift requests, I have found unless you’re very close and know the person won’t take the mick, others often do.

I agree with this.

The cheek of some people. She is taking the piss

You've had 5 years of opportunities to ask her for petrol money. She's now asking what you weren't brave enough to do. Suck it up and drive or pay half the taxi. If you drive she'll expect a lift or a reason why now after 5 years you're no longer willing to drive her.

Hahaha shut up. Op won't be paying half of the taxi or driving because it's not up to her to ferry this woman around

I don't get this. You are basically calling the OP a coward for not asking her before but claiming she's not entitled to ask now? And she has no choice on whether she has to give a lift because CF will expect one?

Who cares what CF expects?

Bizarre reply, I really can't get my head round it.

AandFsMum is definitely the cheeky fucker. Enjoy your taxi ride AandFsMum 🤣.

Op’s under no obligation to offer her a lift or pay half taxi.
Yes Op could have said your turn next time or that’s £10 after first lift but I suspect Op is nice and it’s just become the norm. But Op can stop favour any time she likes.

Haven't read through the full thread op but I do hope you sent that text what a cheeky cow she is, I would never give her a lift again.

Well done op.this was a hard situation. More so than others because you have to be able to live close to her and be able to enjoy the group with her.being honest or saying what some posters suggested might be awesome and deserved but totally wrecked your hobbie .
enjoy next week.let us know how it goes.

Or says, "okay, that will be £40 please" 🤣

Totally send it!

So when she called you crying it was to tell you how mean you are and minimise the number of lifts? Did she even offer to pay for the taxi to make up? Cf.

You've had 5 years of opportunities to ask her for petrol money. She's now asking what you weren't brave enough to do. Suck it up and drive or pay half the taxi. If you drive she'll expect a lift or a reason why now after 5 years you're no longer willing to drive her

What? Are you serious?

You composed a very clear ánd polite message. Even if she asks for a lift (since you will be driving anyway) I wouldn’t pick her up - not ever again.

For those questioning how OP can pay for a hotel but not a taxi, "I can't afford it" sometimes means "I don't want to spend my money on that".

She is free to do what she likes with her money.

Has she responded? Sorry, am at work and only read the first couple of pages 🙈

YANBU

BUT YABU for not having said anything for 5 years.

If you click all on first post you can see Op’s updates.
Gist is message sent. Cheeky texted how are you getting there then. Then when Op ignored rang her crying. No apologies and argued toss over Op saying she had given her 20 lifts - was a few less due to Covid. Op is now staying in a hotel and driving herself.