Lift for 5 years - AIBU?

[Pinot4me]

I go to a hobby / interest 4 times a year. It’s a 60 mile round trip but it’s worth it. I really enjoy it and have met some lovely people.
We always go for a meal afterwards. I can never drink because I am always driving. 5 years ago somebody from the same village as me joined the group. She isn’t really a friend, more a neighbour that I am friendly with. She drove herself there for the first couple of times and then asked me if I would give her a lift. I naturally assumed that we would lift share but it just never happened.
She has never offered to drive me or contributed towards my fuel costs. So, basically we all go out and she has several drinks with her meal and I can only have one small one and we leave.

I have taken some annual leave next week and I asked her if she would drive as I really fancied having a few drinks for a change. She very reluctantly agreed but it was awkward and I could see she wasn’t keen.
She has messaged me today saying that she can’t imagine going out and not being able to have a few drinks (grim ) and that she had booked a taxi at a cost of £80 return. She then said so, half n half £40 each..

AIBU to be annoyed? I can’t afford £40 and I think she is cheeky to ask given that she has had free lifts for 5 years!

I’ve composed the following response but haven’t sent it yet… I suppose I am sense checking in case I am the one who is being unreasonable.

“ I can confirm that is indeed pretty grim to drive whilst everyone else drinks. It is what I do every time we go. I’m not up for sharing a taxi - I can’t afford it. Don’t worry about it, I will see you there”.

I honestly don’t feel inclined to give her a lift in future but don’t want the hassle of feeling awkward or causing upset.

Thoughts please.

Just a minute- you never said anything for 5 years. I'd presume she thought you didn't like drinking- many people don't. You acted like you were happy to do it. She is not.

Right. But now she isn't happy to do it and and she does want to have a drink. That's what the thread is about.

That would probably be confusing as they have already texted and spoken on the phone.

I’m wondering what the hobby is?!
I’m hate any sort of confrontation so I would just say I have something to do on the way and I’ll see you there. But, you’re not me, so you response is good. Send it.

Op has said what the hobby is. It's an arty fashion thing

Yanbu and do send that reply

stop being a walkover

you have been used. This stops now.

Love this^

TBH, I don't think this is a great outcome

If you'd asked for petrol money years ago, then you could have continued with some lift sharing arrangement that would have suited you both

As it is, you've been taken for a mug in the past, a bunch of keyboard warriors have now encouraged you to go for the nuclear option, she's upset, you may feel less enthusiastic about the outcome after this thread has come to an end, and other people in your hobby group / village may think badly of you

MN at its worst

I voted yabu. As previously stated, the op should have spoken up before if she wanted to drink. The neighbours obviously thought she didn't mind not drinking. But the neighbour wants to drink. Shirty messages not warranted imo.

Oh stop it! That kind of "What will the neighbour's say?" is what traps so many people into doing things for other who have no one iota of shame.

Whilst some of you are busy trying to make one person's unthinking selfishness OPs problem for not speaking up "How could Ickle Baby Bunting know if you didn't say?" you are only identifying yourselves as the kind of people who wouldn't bloody ask or offer!

Sod her and the free ride she so expected! Didn't go during lockdown, my arse!

I'm identifying myself as a non drinker who doesn't mind giving people lifts.
I would ask for petrol money if I needed the money.

Ditto, FFS!

I would regard £40 on a taxi as being a waste of money - a similar sum on a room, where I could relax after my enjoyable evening, have a cup of tea and a biscuit or something i the morning - maybe have a walk around the place I was staying, and then a leisurely drive home fully rested and without someone you resent giving car space to blethering on in my earhole - this is an investment in self-care.

Enjoy it OP

I wouldn't give a monkeys about the type of people that would 'think badly' of me for no longer pandering to a freeloader! If they think it's so awful, they can chauffeur CF!

Probably assumed that OP liked paying for all of the petrol herself, too.

Candidate for MN CF of the year? I know there’ll be some tough competition, but IMO she’s in with a very good chance.

Can you stay over either with someone else in the group or try and find a cheap travel lodge?

I do think the CF was way OTT to phone you crying @Pinot4me. I'm glad that you've put a stop to the 'expected' lifts.
If she ever wants or needs a lift in future, she knows what she has to do - firstly ask and secondly cough up the readies towards the petrol!

Just because someone does something repeatedly in the past, doesn't necessarily mean that they like doing it or that it something they do willingly and free gratis.

I hope you have a lovely time and enjoy your tipple of choice!

This

I think that’s unfair.
It’s more about the overall package of inconvenience ; having to talk rather than listen to the radio, not being able to drink, being responsible for a passenger etc, as much as it is also having to pay for all the petrol.
It was a one sided arrangement. Op asking for payment ( potentially uncomfortable for them) would just have been another example of that.

If someone is doing you a favour you acknowledge it.

Let us know how it goes on the night OP.. not too awkward hopefully. I wonder if her taxi won’t show up and short notice and she’ll beg you for a lift…

A non-drinker who is so invested in this thread about an issue that apparently doesn't affect them that they might want to consider putting the wine down.

The easy way to get out of this is to say you're not going home, but visiting someone on the way back. Done 🙌🏻

That was what I thought when I read that she didn't have money for a £40 taxi and did have it for a hotel. A hotel is a treat. Sitting in the back of a car while someone else does a job I can do for myself is not a treat. I have more money I'd be willing to allocate from my budget to a hotel than to an unnecessary long-distance taxi to subsidise a CF.

I'm just waiting for the penny to drop with CF that she actually can't get a taxi there and back again because of the wait between the two trips. Most taxi drivers wouldn't do that long wait for free, or do four trips (there and back twice) to the area they work in so they can continue working in the meantime. I doubt she'll get a 60 mile round trip for £80 with at least a two-hour wait in between the journeys. As a reference I struggled to get a taxi home from the hospital with my newborn as three different companies didn't want to lose money by going so far out of the area, and we only lived 20 miles away!

God she's a right parasite!

Not surprised at all that there has been a strong response to this. Suggest perhaps (and I presume someone may have already said this) that she can pay for a taxi on her weeks and you'll drive both of you on yours.