Parents I’ve never met have gone out and left their child here?

[RosesAndUnicorns]

Well not even ‘here’ but on the street really

DD11 went out with her friends earlier and came back with one of them who lives two streets over to play in her room
Fine, happens all the time
A few minutes ago I said to this child that one of us would walk her some soon as we had to do homework, showers etc ready for tomorrow, to which she said ‘oh my mum & dad won’t be home till 9:45 I can’t get in till then’
So she has to stay here until DDs usual bedtime because her parents aren’t in!

AIBU to be totally shocked! If this girl hadn’t come into my house to play I’d have called DD in and she would’ve been out on the street alone until 9:45!

I haven’t said to her that she has to leave or anything because honestly, something similar happened to me once as a child and the parents of my friend made it very clear they were furious and I felt so awkward and unwanted, so I’ve made them a hot chocolate and put Netflix on for them
But I am a little bit furious! This is not my child to be responsible for like this!

I'm guessing it's been resolved by now OP but I would have rang the parents myself just to be sure a smart 11 year old wasn't trying to pull a fast one and also to suss out if there was a safeguarding risk ie. Are parents stuck at work, is there another guardian or are they down the pub getting pissed before I'd leap to wanting to be this girl's safe space. I'm sorry for your experience but you need to be mindful you're not projecting it onto this girl when that may not be the case.

I was thinking the same. I like that family !

OP, it's freezing tonight. The thought of this little girl out on the street in the dark unable to go him is really sad. It's lovely you've taken her in, but what parent does that to a child? Hope the little girl is ok, I personally think I'd report it to someone though. Sounds pretty serious to me.

@WibblyWobblyTimeyWimeyStuff was she 13 on the NYE incident? Did she not have a house key at that age?

Jesus that's so young. I meet my 12 year old at the bus stop every day because I don't like him walking down our unlit road at 4.30, never mind 9.45! Thank goodness you're there. But yes, definitely report.

Wow that's some shocking naivety. Since when did the area depict parenting level? "Broadly good?!" There are abusive, neglectful parents EVERYWHERE

I was this child - and much worse. Behind closed doors, you've no idea.....

Having ignored advice to do what she should have done straight away, that is ring the parents, I'd be very surprised if the OP returns.

Some of these stories. Even worse than ours. We had a cf in lockdown when you could hang in each other’s gardens. I fed this friend so many times then she would never leave and the evening ended with her being driven home so she didn’t walk in the dark. Mum couldn’t be bothered to collect her. Dd went to theirs a few times to eat and was given a tiny bit of pizza. A couple of awkward times, she was made to sit on the floor whilst the family tucked into a takeaway. The girl was here so often that dh started to act as though she lived here and was dd’s sibling and it got really uncomfortable and controlling. The mum fuelled the situation and it blew up… not because of anything dd did but she was blamed. I’m so glad they’re no longer friends.

I Think you’re doing the right thing contacting school op.

I hope this isn't a serious comment?

I’d definitely call the parents, just to double check. They at least need to give their daughter a key. She can’t wait in the garden in the winter - shocking

There's no harm in reporting a potential safeguarding issue. As a parent, I'd rather be asked about something like this and it be wrong. Imagine this child left on the streets or their garden, locked out of their house at night, in the dark and cold, until their parents are happy to come home. A child having to text and ask when their parents will be home is unacceptable. As a grown woman I don't like being stranded on the streets at night ffs! This child is vulnerable to be groomed for gangs, trafficking, etc. This is literally the kind of situation those people look for, kids who are left at home or outside and they lure kids in with generosity.

No way would my mother have done this in the 90s when times were a bit more lapse and I'd never do it to my child, they'd be coming with me wherever it was and if they couldn't come, I wouldn't be going.

I get your point OP but it should be reported straight away, if they agree negligent with this, they may be negligent in other areas too.

Report to social services. That is neglect.

I know on MN, it's always about reporting. It's quite different where I live (not UK) & even if some parents might do something a bit strange, they would be broadly good, well-meaning parents & a call would sort it.

Nah, when I was growing up in Dublin back in the 60s and 70s I had neighbours who used to kick their children out of the house at 9 o'clock in the morning all summer, and wouldn't even let them back in to use the loo. They used to knock on neighbours' doors and ask to be let in.

The father was a tyrant and the mother had to have the house in pristine condition when he got back from work every day. Both drank a fair bit. Reporting something like that wasn't the done thing back then. Maybe not even now - the kids were clean, hair brushed, wore clean clothes, went to the same private primary school I went to.

They eventually stopped wanting to go home. All had tumultuous teen years, got involved with boys who exploited them, did poorly in school, got pregnant, never developed their considerable talents in art and music.

A child of 11 who is left to fend for herself in the era of grooming gangs and county lines and DIY porn is a very vulnerable child and someone needs to look out for her.

Been there, got the T shirt. One of DD s friends was being beaten the other abused. Now 19. Neither set of parents would engage with me. Very odd in our middle class market town which is full of helicopter parents. Both had bed linen etc at my house. Luckily my daughter told me (had to break their confidence to do it). One use to stay until 10 pm from aged 11 hoping her father would have passed out, the other begged to stay over from 14.
I would speak to the school first. The senco will often have insight.

I got stopped after gymnastics one day on a safeguarding concern. My 10 year old son had done something very silly and been told off by the coach. When the coach said she would have to tell us he told her that if she did we would beat him and send him to bed without any dinner. It was a complete fabrication by a child who didn't want us to find out he had gotton into trouble. Definately check the story before running to social services. Children don't always tell the truth

Its the parents responsibility to know where their 11yr old daughter is. Fortunately she is in a safe place, next time she may well not be.

Would report to social services its neglect.
Sometimes it's part of a wider picture.

Safeguarding is EVERYONEs responsibility.

OP I think you've done the right thing, good for you. It can be hard to know how to react in a situation like that!
I love that you're creating that safe space for your kids and their friends, and that you made your daughter's friend welcome, even if it wasn't an expected evening visit! 🌷

Actually your responsibility is with your own children. I would be discussing with DD11 the reasons why parents do not leave children in this situation.
I would explain that if she visits her friend's home (which she will now her friend has visited your home) and parents are not home she must let you know so you can come and get her.
This child is going to be a very capable and streetwise child and your child is going to be navigating safety from a totally different childhood.
Your family boundaries and hers are going to be very different and it's important your child knows where she can not just follow this little girl's lead.

Am I reading it right that your daughter's bedtime is 945? You said she has to stay until your daughter's normal bedtime.

And coincidentally, her parents would not be back until 945. The time your daughter has to go to bed. And you didn't phone them to check this for yourself, you accepted she told you she'd spoken to them and they'd had to 'nip out' and would be back at "9:45". Your daughter's bedtime.

Assuming that 945 is indeed your daughter's bedtime, I strongly suspect you were played like a fiddle.

That child is out on the street on her own on dark, cold winter nights. It's one thing to say you don't want to rock the boat, but how are you going to feel if in a few weeks you read in the paper that something horrible has happened to her?

I would be telling the parents that it is not right, no matter what they think, so you have a clear conscience about it.

I hope the parents came on time. It would be good to log with school in case it's just one more thing in a long pile of concerns and helps build the picture.

It's dark at 4pm and bitterly cold. It does seem strange.

YANBU, that is so dangerous and neglectful! I’d be reporting to the child’s school and social services.

No lie.