Did you enjoy having a newborn?

[Apregnantworrier]

I am pregnant with a very much loved and wanted baby.

But everyone around me seems desperate to tell me how awful it’s going to be - I won’t have time to eat, sleep or wash. I will hate my body and never be slim again or even have time to care how I look and my relationship will be the worst it’s ever been.

I know it’s luck of the draw as to how easy you’re baby is but I’m so excited for the next stage and to meet my baby and for them to get here safely and be healthy but I’m also looking forward to feeling a bit better than I do in pregnancy and more myself eventually.

Surely (given a lot of people have more than one child) the good outweighs the bad?

DS is six months old, so still early days, but the first 6-8 weeks were mixed bag.

Despite being a very chill baby (happy to sleep on his cot, didn't need to be held all the time etc), I found the early days very stressful. The lack of sleep was killer, but I found breastfeeding and dealing with his weight loss in the early weeks incredibly stressful and it definitely impacted on my ability to enjoy him in the early days.

I also found him far more interesting from around 8 weeks once he started developing a personality and smiling and interacting with things.

Ah don’t listen. In hindsight the newborn days were possibly the easiest for me. My first I found things hard but you soon get into the swing of things. With my first I worried and panicked about everything. It would gave been much easier had I just gone with the flow. When I had my third I remember pulling up at school at 8.40 with a newborn, a one year old and an 8 year old all washed, fed and dressed and wondering why I couldn’t get out of the house before lunchtime when I had just one. So my advice don’t stress about the small stuff, don’t worry about routines until they’re a few months old and just enjoy your baby.

I loved it but maybe I'm an odd case.

I was also very scared by what people had told me. Was planning to just get my head down and get through it. I was very pleasantly surprised.

My baby was a sleeper right from the start. I was busy, but well supported by my DH and my family. I didn't miss work one bit and loved the afternoon sleeps I had!! I learned early on that we had to get out every day or we both got nazzy and tended to do this in the morning, then we'd just snuggle in the afternoon.

All my DC were chilled babies. I don't think this is anything I did. I think it's the luck of the drawer to some extent. I have a very busy job so the pace slowed down.

I loved having a newborn. The bit I loathed was starting school where you're back at work and suddenly have to cover holidays and finishing at 3pm. To me, that was and is stressful!

It's not necessarily awful.

Loved the newborn stage the first time around, less so when I had a toddler in tow but I still didn’t think it was a awful as everyone had warned me about. Coslept with mine so sleep was never a huge issue.

I never understood the 'never be able to wash' as I had time for a shower in the morning and bath in the evening!

I did enjoy DS1 as a newborn, he was a very happy, contented baby, DS2 was the total opposite, and the reason why we didn’t have a third 😂

I didn't enjoy it and felt so bad for feeling like that after years of IVF. Mine didn't sleep much though and we had hourly wake ups until she was about 10 months old. She had colic and reflux and cried constantly. I struggled to adapt to the huge life change and craved rest and sleep. I gained about 2 stone from eating my way through the sleep deprivation.
Others though had babies who slept well and were quite chilled and they loved this stage!

I loved the newborn stage. But I did have a baby that slept through from birth, so she was just the most content, cuddly ball of loveliness! I waited a long time to have her and she was very worth the wait. Just utterly scrumptious. I'd have those days back in a heartbeat.

@Crimsonripple so do I.

everyone tells you how awful it is, because those of us who don’t find it awful are shot down in flames for being insensitive or somehow showing off.

I have never resonated with the “no time to brush my teeth” experience some people have. I showered, I walked my dogs, I rode my horses every day. My DD slept reasonably well, there were tricky days but not once did I stay in my pyjamas all day. I had a good routine, and plenty to do. If you have livestock, you don’t have the option to not get out the house before lunch.

I think the balanced answer is that there are both good and hard bits. For me, the sleep deprivation was the hardest part after years of just being able to sleep whenever. However the little baby cuddles when they are asleep on you are lovely.

You’ll be fine x

Yeah I loved it. Parts were hard and scary but that gorgeous newborn bubble, the smell of their head, the rush of love... it was a magical time. So much so I'm doing it again in January 💕

In a big way it depends what kind of baby you get, and to a lesser degree if you're going to be breastfeeding.
For me the early weeks were very tough. My daughter never slept longer than 30 minutes at a time and would cry like she was being tortured if I ever tried to put her down so that I could go to the toilet. I had major issues getting breastfeeding established and was tied to the house expressing milk every 3 hours for weeks until I finally managed to get her on the boob. I cried quite often in those early weeks from overwhelming exhaustion and disappointment/frustration about the feeding situation. My daughter was also quite jaundiced and was getting daily checks with the constant threat of hospital admission hanging over us. That being said, there was something magical about falling in love with this tiny person, and she has grown to be the funniest, sweetest little toddler and is the absolute light if my life.

So you might get a newborn who is happy to be put down, and who sleeps decent stretches, and who breastfeeds great from the start/ formula feeds without issue, in which case you'll be wondering what everyone is complaining about. But even if you do get a tough one, you will love them so much that all the hardship will be well worth it. Either way it goes in the blink of an eye.

No no no with both mine.
Age 4 and 5 I found lovely 😍

DP had a ridiculously long commute and was out the house before 7, coming back after 7. DD woke hourly through the night and I wasn’t going to get up early to shower before he left, I felt like death. As soon as he got home, during the peak “purple crying”’window, I’d hand over DD, eat something, and fall into bed a gibbering wreck. In the early days I was too anxious from trauma and shock to put her in a basket on the bathroom floor. When that wore off, I did shower. But then she bloody started crawling at bang on 5 months so I went back to showering.

I’ve just typed that out and realised you’re talking about two people parenting and my case doesn’t really apply as he simply wasn’t there. But leaving it here anyway as there are a million different circumstances and a million different types of baby and lots of reasons and emotions surrounding not wanting or being able to step away from your baby in the early weeks. (Now the commute is sorted and she’s older, we battle for supremacy in running off to have a looooong bath and some “scroll on our phones uninterrupted time”.)

For me it was the absolute best thing ever but also the hardest. My DH was rubbish with the newborn stage but that only gave me more pride that I had gotten through it- twice! It passes quick so although it's hard not to get lost in the lack of sleep and lack of time for yourself - try to see the magic, because it really goes so quick! Everyone feels the need to offer unsolicited advice-with my first I found it tougher but he was definitely a more demanding baby, with my second I did everything at my own pace. I napped whenever I could, I let him sleep on me, I stayed home for the day whenever (very often) and found it all so much less stressful,
There will be tough days but remember that everything passes- good and bad! You will be great, good luck and congratulations ❤️

I didn't not enjoy the tiny baby stage but I loved it when they started talking and their wee personalities really came out. Don't listen to all the doom laden advice. You'll be like every other first time mum - totally knackered but madly in love with the new man/woman in your life. Good luck!!

Oh! My one key parenting tip that applies all round, regardless of feeding method/good or bad sleep/easy potato vs screamer: if your baby likes being in the sling, do not ever wear a jumpsuit. Wear something you can pull down for a wee.

Had very similar fears OP, was also v young..I don't know what happened but I found it the most wonderful experience. I didn't miss my old life, I had no fomo, dd was a bit difficult (didn't shriek but wouldn't sleep) I think the surge of hormones must have blinded me to the hard work involved.
All babies are different, 2nd was horrible, screamed for 2 years..but even though he drive me to tears from tiredness I still remember being so happy to be with him.
I hope that alleviates some fears 🙏

Everything is ups and downs in motherhood. For me, newborn days with my first were really hideous. Things improved by 3-4 months, and the 3-6 month stage was so lovely! whereas someone else I knew found having a newborn relatively easy but her child was a terrible sleeper and the 3-6 month stage was when she was feeling so exhausted.

Now I have a teenager (just). Mine is currently lovely, most of the time. Another close friend with a child almost the exact same age is having a horrible time right now.

It's all swings and roundabouts, qnd overall the good far outweighs the bad! While I hope you really love the newborn days, if you don't, that's ok, the next lovely phase is just around the corner. Don't be afraid to get help if you need it. Good luck with everything!

Honestly no. There were some lovely moments but I found the baby and toddler stages stressful to be honest. I absolutely love having kids now aged 10 and 12, who I can have a proper conversation with and who are more independent, as opposed to unpredictable and 100% dependent!

I absolutely loved it both times, once I'd stopped stressing about all the self imposed rules about how it was supposed to be.

This. Babies yes. Toddlerhood has brought me to the brink (twice). I don’t think I could cope with it again. But give me a baby.. sure..!

I adore newborns. In fact, moms of newborns, I'll happily take care of yours and give it back walking and talking, in exchange for you taking mine when they're 18-30 months old. I cannot stand the six months around the second birthday. My children who have been lovely at all other times in their lives so far, each turned into an insane destructive person who was very difficult to be around during that phase.

Honestly hated it. But it was lockdown and my mental health was at rock bottom. So it was nothing to do with the actual newborn really. But even if you do hate it it passes quickly. DS is 3 now and I have thoroughly enjoyed the toddler years so far. We're all different, we have different strengths but we all manage fine.

I found the first few weeks/ months the easiest tbh. The sleep a lot so eating and showering isn't too difficult. But once they become more active and aware they can become clingy and that I found hard, and mine weren't even too bad!