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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did you enjoy having a newborn?

234 replies

Apregnantworrier · 28/11/2022 15:04

I am pregnant with a very much loved and wanted baby.

But everyone around me seems desperate to tell me how awful it’s going to be - I won’t have time to eat, sleep or wash. I will hate my body and never be slim again or even have time to care how I look and my relationship will be the worst it’s ever been.

I know it’s luck of the draw as to how easy you’re baby is but I’m so excited for the next stage and to meet my baby and for them to get here safely and be healthy but I’m also looking forward to feeling a bit better than I do in pregnancy and more myself eventually.

Surely (given a lot of people have more than one child) the good outweighs the bad?

OP posts:
Songbird21 · 28/11/2022 15:20

@JanglyBeads has nailed it. The best of times and the worst of times

Every baby and every family is different. A combination of breastfeeding and lots of pram pushing means 7 months in I weigh less than I did pre-pregnancy. DH and I definitely have less time together but we’re an even better team than we used to be and I think being in the newborn trenches together has brought us closer.

I have showered, I have eaten, I am head over heels in love with my baby. I have also sobbed my heart out at 3am many times when she just wont sleep.

Supportive partner is absolutely crucial though!

MarianneVos · 28/11/2022 15:20

Love it, even though it was incredibly tough with DC1&2. I am so sad that DC3 will be my last and the newborn stage is nearly over.

Kinsters · 28/11/2022 15:20

First newborn - very enjoyable and easy. I spent the first three months of her life cuddling her and watching Netflix. Second newborn was harder as I spent the first three months of his life cuddling him and running after a toddler!

Sidking · 28/11/2022 15:20

The newborn stage is my favourite, it's mostly cuddles and feeding, that's all really! They can't talk back and if you put them down they stay where you put them.

Both of mine spent very little time awake for the first few weeks (youngest was a little early at 35+2, both small babies so that may be why). We had one bad evening with my eldest as a newborn when I tried a dummy too soon and we had an evening of nipple confusion, and the only bad night we had in that stage with my youngest was when he had to spend a night under the jaundice lights. That I can remember anyway (youngest is 2)

After 8-12 weeks when they started spending more time awake is when I found a bit more difficult I think, never like 'omg what have I done' or anything, but that's when I found them a bit more demanding

Scarecrowrowboat · 28/11/2022 15:21

First time no it was horrible. Second time was absolute bliss and I loved it.

SparklyMistleToes · 28/11/2022 15:21

First time I hated it. Second time I didn't mind it. Didn't love it either. But it wasn't as bad the second time around. Being in a new area close to friends and walking distance to the park and shops and just generally getting out each day made the second time around much more bearable.

FHmama · 28/11/2022 15:21

I absolutely hated the newborn stage. My newborn had colic, severe reflux and CMPA so literally did not stop crying - ever. I think it's hard because you don't get 'much' out of them after the bad bits. For example, my toddler has a tantrum now but afterwards will say 'I love you the world mommy' and makes up for his devilish behaviour 😁

However, it goes fast. The bad stages never last long.

I have a 2 year old now and we're going through the typical 'toddler' stage but I honestly love it. He has such an amazing, funny, kind personality and I love motherhood. 🥰

Sidking · 28/11/2022 15:22

He wasn't 35+2 he was 34+6 🙈 not that it makes much difference, early but no intervention needed and home within 24hrs

IHeartGeneHunt · 28/11/2022 15:22

Yes! I loved it. She was a happy little baby. I was completely on my own, and I'd still do it all over again with her because it was just lovely.

AnuSTart · 28/11/2022 15:22

As a mother of adults, teens and under tens I can honestly say (despite it being hard at the time) the newborn stage is as easy as it gets.
Truly.
Enjoy it while it lasts. The days are long but the years are short.

ErrolTheDragon · 28/11/2022 15:22

JanglyBeads · 28/11/2022 15:06

It's both the best thing and the worst thing, honestly, OP!

Yes. It was harder than I'd expected - DD fed insatiably, didn't seem to sleep much, colicky and didn't want to be put down.
But also absolutely adorable,

But 'this too shall pass' - the toddler stage was quite hard work but she turned into a pretty much trouble free teen and a lovely young woman.

Best thing I've ever done, having that baby!

casualreader2022 · 28/11/2022 15:23

It's hard. Harder than I thought it would ever be. However it wasn't even the new baby that made it difficult, it was postpartum health that made it difficult. The reality of trying to get yourself well and rested when you have a new person totally dependant on you is sooo difficult and at times, impossible! I had my mum stay with us a few days to help support and it was such a lifeline (and so not something I would have necessarily opted for whilst pregnant).

To reassure though, I had an awful pregnancy. HG in first and second and severe pelvic pain in third so I also was hoping labour and postpartum would be better - it had to be better right?! I'd say it is... Whilst it's not easy, at least I have my body back (to a certain extent). Plus I have a cute baby now too :)

Curiosity101 · 28/11/2022 15:23

Also just to add - I didn't enjoy the newborn stage but...

I won’t have time to eat - That wasn't an issue for me, I didn't eat anywhere near as healthily as I'd have liked, but I stuck to convenience foods and managed just fine
Sleep - I could sleep, but I often had to choose to eat or sleep or shower during the day when I was home alone. I had to hand the baby to DH when he got home so I could catch up on whatever I hadn't had a chance to do eg. showering
Wash - See above but I often jumped in the shower the second the baby fell asleep
I will hate my body - Mine's fine, I've got a bit of loose skin but that's where my babies grew and I'm ok with that.
Never be slim again - I was back in pre pregnancy clothes a couple of weeks after birth
Even have time to care how I look - This I do struggle with, I didn't prioritise myself high enough up the list
My relationship will be the worst it’s ever been - Babies magnify everything, both the good and the bad.

I do agree with someone upthread who suggested trying to make a postpartum plan with you and your partner.

saltofcelery · 28/11/2022 15:24

I was so excited to have my first baby - plus I had a lot of experience with looking after babies and children in my family so I thought I'd be fine...

The newborn stage was honestly the hardest thing I've ever done. The birth recovery, infections, EXHAUSTED from never having more than 30 mins sleep at a time for over a year (when it moved to two hours sleep at a time), not being able to put down due to screaming as soon as I did this, constant cycle of breastfeeding and nappy changes, baby groups, absolute boredom.

Having said that, I'm about to have my third. Why did I have more? Because I love children (but newborns can be very hard work).

It is both the most gruelling and yet the best thing you will do. It is amazing. Good luck with your pregnancy.

EmergentThoughts · 28/11/2022 15:26

I was on an oxytocin high for weeks after having a baby. There's nothing like watching them wriggle exactly the way they did when they were inside. Or their smell. Squeaks and grunts. Fluttering eyelids. Milky smiles. It was lush.

It was also a joy to put the baby down, bend over without getting out of breath, and eventually getting back into my normal clothes. 😁Having a newborn is so much better than being 9 months pregnant....

Eeiliethya · 28/11/2022 15:26

Newborns are fine. At the time, I thought it was fresh hell.

But now I have a 5 year old I can honestly say that imo between 1-3 is the hardest.

Namora · 28/11/2022 15:26

If people are telling you that newborns are hard, and you find that yours is a breeze, you'll be annoyed that people scaremongered.

If they tell you newborns are a breeze, and yours is seriously hard work, you'll be annoyed that nobody prepared you for the reality.

You can't know what your experience of parenting will be like at any stage. Just be open minded.

gwenneh · 28/11/2022 15:27

I loved the newborn phase with all three of mine. Miss it so much!

Cornelious · 28/11/2022 15:29

I loved it! Having a newborn just made me feel very content. It was a chance to just chill at home (dc born in December). Dd was a very easy and content baby though.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 28/11/2022 15:29

I loathed the newborn stage because it was boring - you have to do everything in 3 hour chunks over and over again and it's like groundhog day. I went from having an interesting, demanding job, to being stuck on the sofa cluster feeding and bored out of my tree - I felt like my brain was leaking out of my ears. I also don't really like newborn babies and will actively avoid other people's. Don't get the 'newborn snuggles' thing at all. They can't snuggle! They don't know how to use their arms! They just lie there like a blinky loaf of bread.

HOWEVER:

  1. DS was a good sleeper and I was never exhausted
  2. I showered every day + washed my hair every other day
  3. I got dressed and did my little skincare routine every day
  4. My body went back to pretty much how it was in 6 months, and 2 years later I was in better shape than pre-baby.
  5. I have a great DH who pulls his weight, so our relationship never really suffered? A bit of bickering about logistics, but nothing worse than that.
  6. Because my DS isn't useless and could happily look after DS, from when he was about 3 weeks old I'd go on mini outings to do stuff like get my nails done, or drop by a friend's birthday party which ensured I didn't go completely insane.

Honestly I really hit my stride once DS could interact properly and started to love parenting from about 6 months. I also ADORE having a toddler - it's so much fun and we have the best adventures together.

hellosunshineagainxxx · 28/11/2022 15:29

I hated it but love them 6 months plus so having another. Just seeing the early months as the hell I need to go through to get to the other side

Eeiliethya · 28/11/2022 15:30

As soon as they start to be on the move the shit hits the fan Smile.

Newborns just stay in once place. Toddlers are like little satans that can't be reasoned with.

Hatscats · 28/11/2022 15:30

Loved it - cuddles, boob, Netflix with sleeping baby on my chest all day 😂 repeat!
Partner took baby or I put in a swing while I had a shower (everyday without fail!).
nights we co-slept from a few weeks in so I got loads of lie ins too - would stay in bed just sleeping and cuddling until 10/11am.
I think second time around will be very different with a 2 year old!!

healthanxieti · 28/11/2022 15:30

I hated the newborn stage! I didn't feel the instant bond that parents rave about (which in my opinion is a damaging narrative but that's another story). I hated the lack of sleep, the unsolicited advice, the people constantly wanting to pass around my baby like a toy. I find the toddler stage so much nicer!

PurBal · 28/11/2022 15:33

You will eat: but it might be a slightly dry sandwich you made an hour ago.
You will wash: but it might be at 2am.
You will sleep: but it might be 4 2 hour naps instead of a solid 8 hours.