Did you enjoy having a newborn?

[Apregnantworrier]

I am pregnant with a very much loved and wanted baby.

But everyone around me seems desperate to tell me how awful it’s going to be - I won’t have time to eat, sleep or wash. I will hate my body and never be slim again or even have time to care how I look and my relationship will be the worst it’s ever been.

I know it’s luck of the draw as to how easy you’re baby is but I’m so excited for the next stage and to meet my baby and for them to get here safely and be healthy but I’m also looking forward to feeling a bit better than I do in pregnancy and more myself eventually.

Surely (given a lot of people have more than one child) the good outweighs the bad?

My husband and I always say it’s the best thing and the worst all at once. It’s going to be very challenging OP, far more than you can imagine, but it is honestly the most exciting, rewarding and funnest experience I’ve had!

There is a lot of hard stuff to deal with, and to be honest I think the newborn bit is the hardest. I’ve found as dd (8 months) gets older the more time of mine she takes and the more challenging she is, but she also makes me laugh all the time and I have the best time with her and enjoy her more and more each day!

Dont focus on the difficulties and negatives. Once I stopped fixing on those I found myself absolutely loving having a newborn. I even loved and miss the night feeds now which sounds crazy but there was something about just the two of us cuddled up while the rest of the street slept that I just loved

Someone said similar to me when my first was 10 days old. The comment was one factor in my plunge into PPD. Now mine are mid 30s I can hand on heart say the newborn stage was as difficult as it gets. Sleep deprivation and that 'wtf do they WANT' feeling is easy to forget.

I loved it. With my first I was a bit anxious for the first couple of weeks but even with that it was lovely. With my second I just enjoyed it from the start.

They are ridiculously cute and seem to change every day, I spent so much time just staring at them.😂

I have a very supportive partner and I think that was key for me. We felt like we were in a bubble.

Don’t listen to anyone about how bad it is, you’ll have your own experience. Some people like scaring others or just coming out with this stuff not realising it actually makes others worry.

I bloody loved it. It was hard, like anything new is. But God I loved holding my gorgeous baby all day. He's a toddler now. Bloody wild and tantrums over things I don't even understand, I still love it.

I mean, it's a massive life change so there were certainly some difficult moments as we adjusted to our new roles and life. If you lean into it, then you can enjoy it more. But if you try to work against the way things are meant to be, then it will be more difficult.

Sorry if I've explained that poorly.

The newborn phase IMO is my favourite part of parenting so far.
Yes it’s hard, and the sleep deprivation was horrific.
But being on maternity leave (particularly first time around) and spending those early weeks snuggled up on the sofa/in bed with the baby, just feeding, sleeping and binge-watching tv was blissful.
My second baby was very poorly from birth, so it was a bit different that time around - that really was a horror story that I wasn’t sure I’d survive at the time.
But generally speaking, the early weeks with a healthy newborn, for me are wonderful. If I could have another one, keep it about a week old forever and remove all my other responsibilities, I’d be perfectly happy 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

Posts like this are so difficult to answer diplomatically. So so many women who have had thoughts like these only to be reassured it’s all smiles and roses are often then the same ones who exclaim “why did no one tell me how it truly is?!” Frankly until you’ve experienced it for yourself, it’s impossible to even fathom what we mean.

I’ve had two babies who are primary age now. I’ve made it through the trenches (just). Life is still super tough on a day to day basis. And I appreciate I will have several tough years ahead. Did anyone tell me the reality of parenthood before I decided to start a family? No. Would it have made me change my mind, or have a different experience if they had? Probably not. Knowing what I do now, several years in, are there days I wish I hadn’t chosen motherhood? Absolutely. People ask if I’m having a third and I very honestly and openly reply absolutely not! I’m sorry to say everything you’ve been told is true- you won’t sleep (again something you really cannot comprehend until you’re living it). You do lose your independence. Also dependant on your birth experience you may feel very much like “why did no one tell me” about that too - it’s so different for everybody. But we do it. Women have for millennia. Yes you will feel better when no longer heavily pregnant in so much as you are no longer growing and carrying a baby inside your body. But there’s so much more to come.

Hopefully you have a husband or partner who is prepared to pull his weight, and a supportive network of friends and family who can help you. That is what makes the difference. At the end of the day you are pregnant, and you will have a baby at the end of it so there’s no use expending energy right now on whether or not your life will become easier or harder. Whatever your experience, you’ll be fine. You have no other choice.

This happened to me and my husband when we had our baby. Everyone seems determined to share all the horror stories, one even told us 'mate don't do it'. So frustrating and really marred my pregnancy tbh. I've since realised they are all very negative people. Ofcourse, i would be lying if I said there weren't hard days... There were. But, having my newborn was the most wonderful and amazing experience of my life.
Other people must agree, or they wouldn't be getting pregnant with subsequent babies so quickly. I think some people just really prefer to share their war tales... Maybe worrying about sounding too soppy if they share the fab stuff too?

Yes: I loved lots of it but had many low moments and anxiety from sleep-deprivation, and hated the “just enjoy the cuddles” comments. With a colicky baby I wasn’t always getting any cuddles, I was just getting yelled at. When she was asleep and snuggly she was glorious, but that only happened in 20-minute bursts.

I am much more tired now she’s older, I’m back at work, she needs more interaction, etc, but one thing that’s so much easier is she can say “I sad because” or “I angry because” or “I just want quiet time”. Babies can’t tell you: is it poo? Wind? Tiredness? Hunger? Sheer orneriness? Cold? Hot? Just pissed off at being a baby?

Totally agree @A34

Please don't say this to new parents.

It's totally subjective. Each of mine had been very different. Eldest was a high needs baby, never slept or drank much milk, it only got easier when she weaned. Son was a bigger baby, slept horribly but drank milk well. My dd2 has been the easiest straight from the start, slept through at 3 months, drinks well, she had had her challenges with reflux but I could deal with that on a full night's sleep.

None of my experiences were horrific because dh is an equal partner and despite working full time did the night shifts with our big two 3 nights a week. That meant I could actually function. My life would have been a lot harder had he not and dd2 wouldn't have come about. If your partner is lazy, works away or you are a single parent then it's harder.

Unless you do shift work nothing can prepare you for the effect of a lack of sleep but you need to be aware of that. Also parenting is monotonous at times (especially the toddler years) it shouldn't come as a shock although there are often posts on mumsnet about hating this part of being a parent.

It's been wonderful for me overall and I don't regret it. Go into it with your eyes wide open and appreciate that it's not all sunshine and rainbows and you ought to be fine.

No I didn't like the newborn stage at all. Not massively looking forward to it the second time around either BUT at least I won't be going in cold this time (or moving house...)

If you have a good significant other then you'll definitely be able to sleep and shower and eat etc. Life will take a little time to settle down but you end up finding a new normal and everything works itself out :)

I hate all the stages so far 😄.

I have a toddler and a young baby and they are both horrendous in their own ways. I can never understand when people say 'oh you won't have time to shower' etc etc. That's a load of crap. I haven't missed my daily shower ever, even with 2 under 2 to look after.

I do hate my body though and look awful. I don't think I've lost any weight at all :(
I don't have time for the gym etc. Neither of my babies could be classed as 'easy' but you just get on with it and do what you can.

Newborn is my fave bit. I would have a hundred more. 5+ is when it starts going downhill for me!

Being honest? I didn't find it anywhere near as hard as people had told me it would be.

I have a 2 month old baby girl as well as a 2yo and 5yo. I adore having a newborn, I love caring for her, being close to her all day and it is so rewarding when I get things right e.g. good naps, good schedule etc. I still get out every day, I wear makeup every day and still have me time.

It is difficult especially with 2 other children, I'm tired and have loads of laundry to do, but it is nothing compared to the happiness she brings.

The people who struggle the most other than those with unwell children are those who don't accept or ask for help. Don't be a martyr, you don't get a prize for doing everything yourself

No. It was the hardest and most loneliest time of my life.
Went back to work pt at four and five months each time and felt 100% better.

I think whether you like the newborn stage or not is very dependent on whether they sleep a reasonable amount - my pair have been fairly average to good sleepers, which seemed to be enough to allow for keeping myself reasonably well fed and clean (aside from during teething with my son when i was a literal unwashed zombie).

I do generally much prefer my 8 month old baby to my threenager though, toddlers are a nightmare 😅

Remember that newborns are still people, do every one will be different. Everyone's experiences will be different.

For example:

A newborn that wakes every 2 hours at birth, but when a toddler, wakes hourly, and didn't sleep through until 4. Probably going to find the newborn stage the best one.

A colicky baby, who is tricky to settle, and wakes hourly as a newborn, but starts sleeping through at 6 months and continues to do so. They will probably find the newborn stage the hardest.

The parent who is able to share the load or has involved extended family week probably find it easier than those without.

The parent whose busy work life means they are used to running on 4hrs sleep a night will probably find it easier than the one who always had to get their 8 hours.

The parent who is anxious will probably find it harder than the parent who is not.

The parent who is the last to have a baby, had watched all their friends lives change, and had to hang out in child friendly venues anyway or their friends won't come, may find it an easier adjustment then the first one in a group, that's centres around drinking and clubs.

There's no one mould that babies come in.

I absolutely adore newborns! The best advice I could give is to relax as much as you can, and go with the flow. Don’t have high expectations for your days other than lots of cuddles, feeding, sleeping (baby) etc. Go for lots of walks, meet friends for coffee (if you enjoy that!), but just enjoy it if you can.

In some ways the newborn stage is much easier than say, toddler stage (I have a 2.5 year old boy, who lets just say is....spirited). You can op them down to have a shower etc and they are still there when you get back!

I would love to go back to those days, knowing what I know now - e.g stop worrying about everything lol

I was a very anxious mother so that made things harder for me. Overall though, the hardest part is probably the night feeds but you just get on with it, it becomes your new normal. Soak it up and enjoy it because it goes.so.damn.fast.

P.S my newborn was waking every 2- 2.5 hours for feeds for about 6 months!

Steep learning curve, colic was awful as was mastitis, but I've never been happier in my life. (probably hormones!)

I could spend hours watching him, it was better than telly, and we had so much fun.

Once you tackle the schools stuff and puberty and teen mental health and bullying and all that, you learn to look back fondly on the time everything could be solved by a clean nappy, a sleep or breastfeeding. My young adult kids are a joy, but not the pure unbridled happiness of cuddling my babies.

I liked the newborn stage but my daughter was a great sleeper so I didn’t suffer any sleep deprivation, except for the odd night maybe once every few months if she is hungry or not feeling well.
It’s a lot harder now she is 17 months and able to follow me around the house.

I LOVED the newborn stage, especially the first one when I didn't have a toddler to run around after. It was just the best and I wish I could do it again!