Adult ADHD - anyone else fed up of the constant battle.and of constantly losing it?

[WhoHasMovedMyBrain]

EVery evening I think that the next day will.be different. That I'll do my work, work when I have to, that I won't stuff my face, that I won't be late, that I'll tick off at least one tiny little.thing on.my.to. do.list. and every day I fail. I'm winging life because I've got a very organised and hard working husband, a very supportive family who have always carried me and because I can sort of.work when I'm.in dire straits..just before a deadline comes crashing down. I'm.so.fed up of the constant stress,.the constant self loathing, constantly underperforming, constantly fighting a losing battle. I feel.as.if..im.wasting my life away.

My psychiatrist is happy to prescribe meds but before.that I need to.make an appointment with my gp to get some blood tests done and I just can't do it. I can't.make the appointment to.do.the blood tests. I mean how stupid can you get?

And now I'm so late to.pick up DC that I can't have a shower. Though I've been looking forward to.it all day.

I know.im.lucky and. I've got it better than most so.i hate complaining but I hate my brain..I don't care if it's ADHD or.if I'm.just lazy, crazy and stupid but i hate being this way.

Can anyone relate?

Hi. This makes so much sense to me. Do you have any papers you can link please

I'm so fucked off today, I can feel my rage bubbling away and it's only getting worse.

I've been told I probably have ADHD by several healthcare pros but I still have to wait for a fucking assessment

And the waiting list for that is three fucking years.

I'll be forty-eight before I'm seen.

And even if I'm allowed meds, they're an amber controlled substance, and you have to jump through fucking hoops to get it.

Honestly I've thought about micro dosing speed just to cope with having to battle this really shit life, that I'm utterly fed up with.

And yes I am swearing a lot because fuck ADHD. I hate my life. Nothing is any good, and I'd rather not be around.

Good boundaries.

I tend to do things when they are an emergency. Even a personal emergency. So no two hours of nudging. Tell him to set the alarm for a reasonable time and get up. Tell him it's really upsetting you and now is the time to sort it out.

Clear, firm deadlines work for me, including with DH.

I hate it. I can't get anything done and it is definitely worse now I'm older. I just can't seem to start things or focus even though I desperately want to get on top of everything. I have nobody to pick up the slack so everything is on me and it feels like it will never end.

I finally decided to try the meds out of desperation but the psychiatrist and GP can't agree between them who will do the required blood tests so nothing is happening. It's like some sick joke that neither of them are doing anything about it, both blaming the other and leaving me to chase them. Like putting some medication needed by someone in a wheelchair on the highest shelf you can find.

Depressingly this area seems to be under researched or under published about (Invisible Women comes to mind..) I’m not a professional in this area so I don’t know my way around the literature, hopefully someone else knowledgeable will come along with that. But here’s a link to start with from 2021: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8385721/
ADHD Symptoms in Females of Childhood, Adolescent, Reproductive and Menopause Period

Thank you

Yeah that's a lot of crap.

Unless you have personal experience of this, feel free to jog on with your uninformed opinions.

By the time a lot of us are diagnosed in our 40s or even later, it's taken it's toll on our mental health, but ADHD is normally the cause of poor mental health.

Other conditions can mimic the symptoms, yes. But this is long term and can be so debilitating.

I totally relate to the "it'll be better when" feeling. And then the next day it's the same. 😢

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist with the hope of getting a diagnosis. Terrified I won’t be able to explain how challenging my life is and I will be dismissed because I present ok. ( inside I am a disorganised, daydreaming mess)

get the meds

im more asd and started SSRI 3 years ago

they have helped in that

I accept myself
I forgive myself
I avoid things that trigger me
I read and educate myself on it
I practice better self care
I practice slightly better boundaries

get the meds and look into the Facebook support groups for women with adhd x

I second this. I used to beat myself up
fpr not being on top of everything and getting some things wrong. I then realised I am doing a hell of a lot and getting it checked off. Plus having kids does introduce a chaos into your life and a constant stream of fire fighting.

I feel you OP, winging it for years, so knackering and waiting to be found out in15 directions at once. As another poster said, the wheels just seem to have fallen off, probably since WFH and home schooling in the first lockdown - good lord!!!

my partner also hasn’t given up his minimalist dream, poor . It makes him mad as a snake

the point about authority and hierarchy is so interesting - I always wondered about that

Londonlassy good luck!!!!
Maybe splurge everything you can think of in the notes section of your phone as and when it comes up between now and then? And tell them all of it and let them sift e.g. mine would start Handwriting and inattention complaints from multiple teachers check! Timeblindness eg in shower. Hyper focus check! Shops Overwhelm check! Brain pingpong check! Housekerping despair and 6pm rage check! Procrastinating on all fronts ( give examples) and Inability to complete check! House guest horror check!

Congratulations on booking your appointment 💫

I hear you. I haven’t been officially diagnosed but convinced I have ADD. I’ve been retired three years and before I left I was convinced I’d be able to have a lovely tidy organised house but it’s as bad as ever.

This is me. We can twatbangle together.

Twatbangle yup

God I relate. I'm still waiting for my diagnosis but returning to work after having my first baby has tipped me from just about muddling through to being completely incapable of doing anything. I spend hours a day staring at my laptop, doing absolutely anything except work then lie awake at night worrying about everything I haven't done. I get up early promising myself I'll catch up today, definitely today...and then do exactly the same thing again.

I finally have my assessment next month and I'm praying getting onto medication will change things for me. I'm so low at the moment because I just can't cope anymore.

Oh, stop it.

I have been diagnosed (Twice! Privately and through the NHS - long story) with "severe" combined-presentation ADHD and my diagnostic report says "patient has a history of diagnoses consistent with untreated ADHD".

These include depression, anxiety, binge eating disorder and insomnia. All absolutely textbook traits of ADHD.

Stop trying to minimise people's struggles by peddling uninformed drivel. Shame on you.

When my DC were diagnosed (ADHD + AD), they looked at the whole family.
I found out at the ripe old age of 46 that I am not the bad character, annoying person I grew up to believe to be.

You sound human. And you also sound burnt out.

I have no idea why it doesn’t affect us. It’s probably just getting more dopamine to where dopamine is supposed to go so we have similar amounts of dopamine as a NT person gets to that part of the brain.
But if a NT person takes it then their dopamine levels increase and they are getting much more than they need.
Like the girl my friend was talking to I have heard about people going partying with their friends and the cocaine comes out and whilst their friends are partying hard because they have taken coke the affect it has on them is to start cleaning their hosts bathroom and kitchen.

I take 70mg of Elvanse and that is what I call my background meds each day. It doesn’t really feel like it does much bar keep me awake and stop me snacking. If I miss a day when I am at home I don’t really notice till I get to about 2pm when I notice myself looking in the fridge and eating for the 3rd time that day. By 4pm I can’t keep my eyes open and am in bed and can sleep for 16 hours straight. The way I feel when I don’t take Elvanse for one day makes me feel like I used to feel pretty much everyday and it is so horrible after living life without that feeling for so long I make sure I take my meds each day.
I have prescribed 2 dexamphetamine which are boosters taken later on in the morning and afternoon. Usually I down one with my Elvanse in the morning. I take 3 Lions Mane n the morning and another 3 later in the afternoon if I am needing to concentrate on something.
Also I have 2 cans of Monster whilst driving to work each day to put me in the mood.

I have never had an issue with any meds but I was only ever prescribed Elvanse and titrated getting a larger and larger dose then the dexamphetamine was added.

My Dd was tried on a non stimulant type and had an awful reaction and stopped after 2 days. She suffers from migraines and she said it felt like her head was about to explode.

Ah oh I think I miss understood- I took it to mean it wasn't very good as an ADHD med, but rather that it does work for ADHD brains in the way it should do. I was put on 30mg, honestly apart from reducing my appetite I didn't see the point.

Yes I have heard how a lad found out he had ADHD because his friends all took speed at uni, and when he tried it managed to finally start his assignment 😂.

Snap

I hear you. I wish I knew the answer

I have found my people! The experiences relayed on this thread resonate hugely and I've always felt that I've underachieved in my career. I am also near certain that I have Asperger's too, so it's a winning combination. I'm due to chat to my GP to review my prescription for citalopram, so will bring this up. I'm hoping this could be a turning point.

The Neurodiverse MN section is totally useless if you want people with ADHD to reply because the threads are hidden from Active at the request of posters with autism and we never remember to check there.

I asked if it could at least be opt in and MNHQ said no