Adult ADHD - anyone else fed up of the constant battle.and of constantly losing it?

[WhoHasMovedMyBrain]

EVery evening I think that the next day will.be different. That I'll do my work, work when I have to, that I won't stuff my face, that I won't be late, that I'll tick off at least one tiny little.thing on.my.to. do.list. and every day I fail. I'm winging life because I've got a very organised and hard working husband, a very supportive family who have always carried me and because I can sort of.work when I'm.in dire straits..just before a deadline comes crashing down. I'm.so.fed up of the constant stress,.the constant self loathing, constantly underperforming, constantly fighting a losing battle. I feel.as.if..im.wasting my life away.

My psychiatrist is happy to prescribe meds but before.that I need to.make an appointment with my gp to get some blood tests done and I just can't do it. I can't.make the appointment to.do.the blood tests. I mean how stupid can you get?

And now I'm so late to.pick up DC that I can't have a shower. Though I've been looking forward to.it all day.

I know.im.lucky and. I've got it better than most so.i hate complaining but I hate my brain..I don't care if it's ADHD or.if I'm.just lazy, crazy and stupid but i hate being this way.

Can anyone relate?

Ive been told for years I’m classic ADHD. Never had an assessment. Im not sure I believe in it as a ‘condition’ as such if im honest. I think modern life requires us to remember and deal with huge amounts of information and some peoples brains are simply better at processing it all neatly than others.

Can totally relate to what you're saying, also super organised partner, whenever he is ill or whatever everything slips back in to more chaos. Though also like we are constantly swimming upstream of my ADHD chaos and clutter. It is so so draining. I got diagnosed this year at 31 after doing the right to choose with psychiatry UK. I managed to speed up the waiting time as I was/am really struggling to get coursework done as I'm doing distant learning.

They offered me meds but as I used to be hyperthyroid they won't give me stimulants which I wanted to try. They offered me strattera, I stopped taking it as it made me sleep all the time but might try again. Would be interested to hear others experience of this. The things that I did that were no meds (as usually I lean towards natural methods anyway just heard meds can be life changing) were exercise, cold showers, ginko and lion manes supplements. The problem is if I get out the swing I can't even motivate myself to start doing that's again. Anyway I hear you it's so bloody difficult and exhausting. Though think it can also be great and exciting sometimes.

Oh forgot to say and microdosing mushrooms. That is the best one for me. That's how I figured I even had it, as I did a microdose and suddenly I could complete a task, the chatter in my brain slowed down, the house was so tidy and I was like wow is this what's it's like for most other people. I did some research and looked in go ADHD and microdosing and saw it was a thing

But Adhd isn’t about modern life.

It is a physical disability that has been there your whole life.

When you do a scan of our brains they are different to those of a nt person.
Our brains don’t have the ability to transport dopamine to the sections of the brain that require dopamine.

You can believe or not believe that someone has a broken leg, is having a heart attack etc But scans will show the heart attack or the broken leg the same way they will show a brain that hasn’t got the ability to transport dopamine.
My Dd read that when they have done autopsies there is a “vein” that is either missing, shortened or just unfit for purpose in the brains of those people who had ADHD compared to the brains of a NT person.

Slightly off topic but how did people get their diagnosis? Is there a long NHS wait and is it better to go private, and is medication generally the treatment?

Have just been feeling that I need to get treatment as this thread has made it clear how much this impacts my life

It isn’t a physical disability it isn’t a reason for somebody not to be able bodied.

There are many subtle brain differences between different people, I don’t doubt people with ADHD have some variation from what is considered a ‘very typical’ brain but it isn’t a physical disability.

It cost £750 privately and I was able to get an appointment quite quickly. NHS I assume is a long wait.

If you're in England you can do what's called right to choose. It's becoming more popular so waiting time getting busier but still less than NHS. You might need to tell your Dr about it as mine didn't know. Basically it's an act where the NHS will pay for people to get private diagnosis and they will pay for meds if you need them. I got my diagnosis in less than a year with psychiatry UK and the NHS paid. Waiting times have gone quite crazy with them as it's become a popular option. But more providers are now offering it too. So it's worth looking around at who offers it as less well known companies will be quicker I reckon. I was going to go private as I could just about afford the appointment fee but I've read online that often you then have to pay for tne meds and any follow up appointments so bear that in mind if you want to go private. I've read you may eventually be able to transfer your meds over so the NHS pay but it can take time..sorry lots of info. I went down a rabbit hole with this one and know lots about it

It is classified as a disability. I have a Blue Badge my Dd has a Blue Badge because of it.

It isn’t a reason for somebody not to be able bodied

Ever heard of ADHD paralysis.

Amazing thank you! I actually called Psychiatry UK yesterday and have an appt with the GP next week. I was thinking about going private but like you said when I looked into it, it was like £700 for the assessment plus £190 for monthly med reviews plus prescription fees on top.

They told me about RTC and that wait times are about 18 weeks for assessment and another 18 weeks for prescriptions, which honestly doesn't sound too bad.

Thanks that's really helpful x
Were there a lot of extra fees for prescriptions and reviews?

I think the many steps required to even try ADHD medication are some sort of cruel joke. A psychiatrist diagnoses you and then gives you a set of multistage instructions that require you to engage with multiple organisations (and potentially fight with the NHS to get them to undertake investigations and then take over the prescription), and then leaves you to get on with it. Especially when you only sought the private diagnosis because the GP was determined to fob you off with antidepressants.

Me too.

@Cuppasoupmonster it absolutely IS a physical disability.

When you can't hold onto things properly and drop them, that's physical. When you find yourself falling or tripping more than an NT person does, that's physical. When you can't tolerate bright light, that's physical. When you're clumsy in so many different ways, that's physical.

Stop being so dismissive, it's deeply insulting and unhelpful.

No, it isn’t physical. Come on, thats just a bit insulting to people who are in wheelchairs or have had a limb amputated etc. We don’t need to play victim top trumps, or pretend every disability is equally as disabling. I know that’s an unpopular viewpoint on here but I know people with very limiting physical disabilities and to suggest being clumsy and dropping stuff is in the same league just isn’t on.

Bloody Hell, that's me too. Word for word.

Yeah you're right, this is insulting. It's insulting that you'd weaponise different physical disabilities to try and justify your complete dismissal of ADHD.

It's not a bloody competition. If you can be supportive, then go away.

• can't

We need an edit button FFS

‘Weaponising disabilities’ 🙄 it isn’t weaponising to point out some are far more disabling than others. I don’t know if ADHD would be considered a physical disability by most people but I suspect it wouldn’t (maybe you could start a poll on here?). You don’t get to just dictate what you want then have everyone agree with it because to saying anything otherwise is ‘unsupportive’.

Why would you post on a thread obviously and explicitly about ADHD to tell people that ADHD is not a real disability?

Can you quote where I said that please?

Im not sure I believe in it as a ‘condition’ as such if im honest.

Or: ADHD doesn’t really exist. It’s just people who are a bit useless.

Plus all the ‘it’s not physical’ and it’s just not a real issue like proper, physical disabilities. That’s paraphrasing. But it is a summary of what you have been saying.

Yes. People can feel that their disability has a greater or lesser effect on their lives. Some people will require significant support, others less so. That’s true whether it’s a neurodevelopmental disability, a musculoskeletal condition, a life-changing injury… whatever.

its really not OK to say ‘I don’t believe in ADHD’. And then insist ‘it’s not physical’ or a proper disability like an amputated limb.

But it isn’t physical neither is ASD, or dyslexia. It might make you more clumsy but it isn’t a structural issue with the body that physically impairs your health or mobility.

Do you go on mental health threads and tell people that you don’t believe in their
conditions and they’re unimportant because it’s ‘not physical’?

Do you even grasp how offensive you’re being?

Especially when people have responded to tell you how they are physically affected - and impaired - by their ADHD and you’ve clarified that you simply don’t accept it’s a proper physical disability, and certainly much less of a real disability than the conditions you do believe in.

I didn’t say it was unimportant. I don’t think in the full spectrum of disability it’s as disabling as, say, losing the use of your legs or similar. And I think if you started a poll on here very few people would see it as a ‘physical disability’.

I have a physical disability which doesn’t restrict my movement (for now), but causes loss of nerve sensation in the extremities as well as fatigue and a few other things. It isn’t pleasant but I wouldn’t say it is at all the same as being in a wheelchair, for example. Perspective matters.