Adult ADHD - anyone else fed up of the constant battle.and of constantly losing it?

[WhoHasMovedMyBrain]

EVery evening I think that the next day will.be different. That I'll do my work, work when I have to, that I won't stuff my face, that I won't be late, that I'll tick off at least one tiny little.thing on.my.to. do.list. and every day I fail. I'm winging life because I've got a very organised and hard working husband, a very supportive family who have always carried me and because I can sort of.work when I'm.in dire straits..just before a deadline comes crashing down. I'm.so.fed up of the constant stress,.the constant self loathing, constantly underperforming, constantly fighting a losing battle. I feel.as.if..im.wasting my life away.

My psychiatrist is happy to prescribe meds but before.that I need to.make an appointment with my gp to get some blood tests done and I just can't do it. I can't.make the appointment to.do.the blood tests. I mean how stupid can you get?

And now I'm so late to.pick up DC that I can't have a shower. Though I've been looking forward to.it all day.

I know.im.lucky and. I've got it better than most so.i hate complaining but I hate my brain..I don't care if it's ADHD or.if I'm.just lazy, crazy and stupid but i hate being this way.

Can anyone relate?

Does anyone worry that they may fool the psychiatrist when looking for a diagnosis? In that, we have clearly all researched so much about adult ADHD that we worry that maybe we have simply 'learned what to say?' Some days I am absolutely convinced I have adult ADHD but she days I worry that I have simply talked myself into it from what I've researched and read? Does my worry about fooling the psychiatrist make sense to anyone?!?

There should be evidence of childhood difficulties - e.g. school reports

Well, I've got brainworms and I would like not to have brainworms.

But seriously I have nothing going for me, I'm mid forties and single with a lot of baggage, thank fuck I haven't had any children because I don't think I'd cope..

Had to do a Clare's Law request after I split with my recent ex, and I'm not allowed to talk about the details, but I can say that he should be behind bars, and I'm lucky I got away

In my case in previous instances, yes.

So please keep in mind that this might not be your experience or your son's experience. And also, after about six months things improvednfor me.

If you haven't tried meds yet I would still recommend them even if I hate them. I hope you or your son will tolerate them better but even with the nasty side effects they are worth trying.

I'm so sorry. Well done on getting away.from an abusive partner. I know that couldn't have been easy and I can imagine that it required a lot of strength and resolve.

Umm Ijusr checking but when you say brain worms you don't actually mean worms right? I mean wriggly little animals? I somehow can't stop imagining that. Do you mean chatter? Distractions? Noise?

Yes, I still feel like an imposter and half of the time I tell myself that I actually am in fact just lazy crazy and stupid. I've got constant imposter symptom even when it comes to ADHD. Is it just an excuse? Maybe that's another reason why I'm reluctant to take meds. I don't dele I deserve them.

I also know that I'm not the worst case. I'm not as bad as could be (or as my first psychiatrist pointed out that if I managed to go to uni, am in a long term relationship no matter how shitty, have a roof over my head and have not had any significant problems with the law then I'm unlikely to have ADHD.

At the end of the day though I'm struggling..and the thing that makes.me think I might have ADHD after all is actually when my brain does work. I've just finally done the last piece of work I had to do for my November deadline. I know Ive missed the deadline but couldn't face telling my boss and colleagues today that I haven't done it atill. So I did it Now. From about midnight to 3am. No lack of focus. No brain fog. In spite of being sleep deprived..Brain worked beautifully. The fact that it doesn't do this at most other times when the stakes aren't high makes me think that it light be ADHD.

And I'm fed up of living like this. The constant battle, the constant self loathing, the constant underperforming. Whatever is causing my problems, I know that medication can help..maybe it doesn't matter if it's ADHD or whatever but I don't want to live like this wasting my life away. Feeling bad and stressed all the time. If there is something that might help us lead a better life shouldn't we try it?

Other way around. Literally back to front. ADHD sufferers are often incorrectly, diagnosed as depressed and often given antidepressants that are then ineffective.

I usually refer to my ADHD as brainworms. 😎

God I wonder if I had actual worms in my brain, they could figure out what's going on in there, and FIX IT

🥴

Well I finally got the push to complete my e consult (they asked for more information about 6 weeks ago) next day a triage nurse rang for a little bit more info and today a guy rang me to say after reading my symptoms he would like permission to put me in for an ASD assessment too. I agreed as I was thinking that anyhow. Phew, finally got the ball rolling. Probably a long journey ahead, but just knowing will be a big help I think.

Marking place

Thanks to this thread I asked my GP to refer me for assessment and she agreed. I was sent an ADHD screening tool and scored very highly. I am ready for a long wait but I can’t afford a private diagnosis .
At least I am in the system now and having an official diagnosis will help me in many ways.

I don't understand this surge in ADHD diagnosis in adults. The behaviours/symptoms can also be explained in menopause, PMS, anxiety and stress too.
I would say most of my friends and my self 'suffer' from some if not all of the red flags. No way can we all have adhd.
Is it not part of life for some women (and it is mainly women) who suffer from these symptoms, and do we not all seek coping mechanisms.
I don't understand the need for a diagnosis and then blame every lateness, forgetfulness, lack of sleep on a 'condition'
There just seems to be so many all of a sudden that had adhd.

Obviously everyone shares a few symptoms to a degree but it depends how much it affects you and impacts your life. Some people can't keep a clean house, keep a job, complete daily tasks, etc. They go through life feeling like failures and don't know what's wrong with them.

Your comment is a bit like asking why there are suddenly so many autism diagnoses - before, they weren't picked up on, and people were given no understanding or support. One of my sisters wasn't diagnosed as a child and she grew up being excluded, punished for being 'rude,' and chronically misunderstood. But fast-forward to now, with more knowledge and diagnostic tools, and suddenly she has a 'new' diagnosis.

I get where you are coming from @Rubyupbeat
I have recently been diagnosed and I do question it. The assessment didn't seem particularly thorough and I've wondered how many people the psychiatrist sees who do NOT come away with a diagnosis.
It certainly feels as if every other person has a recent diagnosis, but that could be a cognitive bias in operation and I am just noticing it more.
What I don't want is for my diagnosis to become an excuse for any/ all lateness, forgetfulness etc.

Sorry OP that's not answering your question and of course everyone is different.
Have you looked into strategies for organisation - there's loads on Instagram if you have it. Coaching is said to be very helpful too. I always have a massive and overwhelming to-do list but try and pick just 3 things from the list and focus on them.

Menopause (and ageing in general) causes degeneration of some of the same brain functions that ADHD affects. It is not ADHD, even though it looks similar and we might share a laugh at some familiar jokes (like walking around looking for your glasses which are already on your head).

Just like somebody can have back pain and it might be caused by a slipped disk or old injury or poor posture or genetics or ageing, some people might find their back pain manageable whereas some find it debilitating. The cure will be different (or maybe not available) depending on the cause.

It's no different with psychiatric/neurological disorders.

ADHD is a life long physical and a lot of the time a genetic condition

When a toddler shows signs of ADHD is that because they are going through the menopause or have PMS, anxiety or stress?

i have come across people who say things like “we are all a bit ADHD”

No you are not a bit ADHD. When you analyse what people think ADHD is it isn’t anything like ADHD.
As an example, my Dd has ADHD and the conversation was about shopping and ADHD. A girl she works with was pointing out that everyone is a bit ADHD as everyone has a splurge on shopping now and again.
My dd asked her about peoples purchases when they allocate this symptom as being a “bit ADHD” Are the purchases things you can use, wear or have been bought for specific family members etc or are they shoes you really like and want to own but even though they only have one pair left and it is 7 sizes too small or too big you buy them anyway, or you see an auction where the contents of a wool shop is being sold and despite you not being able to knit and having zero interest on learning to knit or anything about knitting you spend £250 on boxes and boxes of wool because you liked the colours in the picture.

If you go shopping and buy clothes and things because you like them and they make you or your home look good or you think friends and family will like the stuff you bought as a present or a gift and you have overspent. It isn’t ADHD, it isn’t even a little bit Adhd. It is just you overspending.

The reason there is a surge in adult ADHD diagnosis is because it is a condition that has been ignored and put down as people being lazy or scatty or stupid or 1001 other explanations
Especially women who have differing symptoms than the “naughty boy” who runs around being loud

Lockdowns, WFH meant that the routines people with ADHD lived with and were able to hide behind and mask their symptoms infront of people when they went to work or outside the house were no longer there and it suddenly focused a light on why left to their own devices the wheels came off

Add to that we now have so much more access to information outside of books where you couldn’t reverse look up your symptoms and get a diagnosis and going to the doctors because of a list of vague unmedical symptoms felt like a waste of time given people had already diagnosed you all your life as being too stupid or too lazy to do anything

ADHD is a physical disability. Making lists, setting off earlier, written instructions to do everything, isn’t going to make ADHD go away.
We know what we need to do
We just lack the ability to do it.

Did you only have one assessment with the psychiatrist?

Two hour long sessions, plus questionnaires.

So it wasn’t just a meeting with a psychiatrist, it was 2 meetings and questionnaires. I went via NHS so I had to have a meeting with my doctor and a separate 1-2 hour long telephone call as a pre assessment

It isn’t just the questions

My psychiatrist when I eventually saw him noted my jiggly leg which when he pointed it out I didn’t realise I was actually doing anything
Also the meds you are given if you are diagnosed as ADHD are stuff that people get as a party drug. I was watching a documentary about a missing student who had started taking 30mg of Elvanse to party and by all accounts was off his head when he went missing.

I was sat there having taken 70mg of Elvanse and a 5mg of dexamphetamine and was just getting in the mood to load the dishwasher.

I'm pleased for you @PamelaBanisha - even if you have to wait a long time for an official diagnosis hopefully the confirmation will help. I Am Paying Attention is a good website for resources and information.

@Rubyupbeat do you know much about ADHD? I'm just wondering how/why you've formed that opinion. Most of us on here are discussing the minutiae of every day life with ADHD, which might seem like a lot of trivial/normal behaviour, but these aren't isolated or 'sometimes' incidents, these are literally everyday occurrences for us that started in childhood and will never go away; the consequences of which become huge over the years. The 'lateness, forgetfulness and lack of sleep' you mention is also a very small percentage of what ADHD actually is.

I can't say why there's been an upsurge in diagnosis', maybe because there is more education and awareness of the condition now, but those aren't the symptoms that you get diagnosed based on - psychiatrists look for patterns of disruption throughout your entire life, e.g. your education, past relationships, finances, employment history, any substance abuse, mental health. I know you weren't asking an actual question but I hope that helps somewhat.

Get lost Ruby.

My difficulties were there since I was a toddler. My mum has kept all my old school reports and she came with me to my first appointment with the psych and she told him stuff about me as a child that I’d not realised.

so not I’m not a little bit menopausal, a little bit depressed (I’m depressed cos I’m grieving) a little bit adhd or jumping on the bandwagon. I can’t take meds anymore because they clash with my other meds.

i fucking hate adhd, it’s destroyed my life.

I wasn’t diagnosed till my late 50s.
It was my teenage Dd who was sat in her bedroom wondering why she wasn’t like other girls her age. Why normal everyday stuff that people did she found so hard. She brought me a list of symptoms and asked if I thought they applied to her.

I said they applied to me as well. Even when I was a child and I could attach specific incidences to each symptom.
But if that is ADHD then I must have ADHD. But I’m not. I think someone would have noticed before now and would have been diagnosed and I haven’t been diagnosed with ADHD. 4 months later I walked out of the psychiatrists office clutching my prescription for Elvanse and a diagnosis of ADHD

It took a few months of titration to realise that having gone through the menopause without HRT (despite asking for it) and that although the Elvanse keeps me awake during the day and stops me snacking, (lost 4 stone in weight and have another 3 stone to go) everything else remains the same.
(Monster and a handful of Lions Mane help a bit)

The realisation that the decisions that I have made over the years and allowing people to make decisions for me have all been done because I believed people when they said I was stupid and lazy and didn’t deserve anything better as I couldn’t work for anything.

The despair and sadness of a wasted life is horrifying and depressing when you start to think of the decisions you would have made if you were a NT person. The life you would have led and where you would be now if you had been born with a brain that had the ability to transport dopamine to the parts of the brain that needed dopamine.

And to add to that horror and despair we have to deal with the Rubyupbeat’s of this world who think that everyone is a little bit ADHD or a little bit depressed or a bit menopausal

It is like being unable to walk and having had no access to a wheelchair your whole life and people calling you stupid or lazy because you can’t walk across a room. Having to have people in your life who are toxic but they have a car and will carry you places in exchange for you being their verbal and sometimes physical punching bag and then others saying “Well we all get times when we don’t want to get up and walk anywhere”

Thank you that is a powerful post KennyKenKen