Mil took DS without car seat

[Cybermondayyay]

Can I ask how would you feel if your MIL took out your 7 month old son out without a car seat?

OH argue she’s peer pressured into thing’s by FIL and always has been. Doesn’t want to bring it up to her as she’s very sensitive and will upset her!

I was just coming to post similar. I don’t get why op posted how would you feel if your MIL took out your 7 month old son out without a car seat? it wasn’t MIL, it was 3 adults that took baby & other GC out without car seats, why is just the MIL getting the blame?!

Because it seems she is the weaker one, so it is easier to have a go at her than FIL or the BIL.

Not only is MIL getting the full blame when there were 2 other adults present but also there is a lot of ‘OP you need to say something to her, stop her seeing the DGC etc’ when her DH should be doing this as it’s his parents.

Completely unacceptable. I am old enough to remember no seat belts in the 1960s and on a wet day someone’s mum picking up a car load of children from the bus stop to drop of which sometimes included people sat on people’s laps.
But what you describe is betrayal of trust and illegal.

I'd even go so far as to get some special Christmas cards made up with the aftermath images from the crash test dummies videos (not the band but the actual car crash simulations) and label each of the dummies wishing them a very happy Christmas.

Time to go all Mama bear on them. This is your child you're talking about.

I'd even go so far as to warn, just warn, BiL that if he ever takes his children out in his car unrestrained, you will contact the police. He's on notice then. You don't have to do anything further but the law is the law and if he happens to get stopped, that's his look out.

I would never leave my child in her care again. My son was once with my ex (his father) and his mother at about 4 months old. They did not clip him in his care seat as they forgot and did not belt the seat in the car. I went out to collect him when they arrived and opened the car doo. They were both in front my son in the back. When I saw he was not restrained I took him inside handed him to my mum and then went back out and swore like crazy he said it was a 5 minute drive and no big deal, apparently I was over reacting. Ironically he crashed his car on the 5 minute journey home. It was a long time before I ever let them take him out again.

Do you know what it is, no one ever has our kids we always manage on our own. So it was this one time we decided to let MIL have him as she has been dying too and we went out for the day.

my mum had our other kids so we went out of the way to drop DS at his nannies so he could finally spend the day with her. That’s why I have kind of put the blame on her. I expect it from FIL and BIL but not her I was really shocked.

I definitely need to find my voice in situations like this. I am constantly worried about what people will think of me.

So your h wants YOU to be a yes woman too does he @Cybermondayyay

let the anger and upset subside a bit. Be calm and think to yourself what a good solution to this would look like? What can you do to support this solution and where your boundaries and red lines are.

then you need to inform them all of what’s going to happen going forward…. Or ds stays with you or a qualified childminder who does value his safety.

I blame the FIL and BIL, it sounds like your MIL is the victim here too. Unfortunately she can't bring kids back from the dead, so whilst she is unable due to her very unfortunate situation (that is not sarcasm), I'm afraid there would be no leaving my most precious thing on earth alone with her. I would speak calmly to your DH another time about this.

This is a hill to die on, for once.

Well, you're wrong here. All 3 of them are to blame. It is completely unfair to put all the blame on the woman in the situation. People do that too often. Something to think about.

Don't be the next generation of bullied women in that family OP

Your MIL is responsible but she isn’t solely responsible. They all need telling. I would let her visit your children in your home but not take them out. Your FIL probably won’t bother anyway if he’s not getting all his own way

BIL was driving? So OH calls him and says ´YOU DO NOT EVER DRIVE OUR CHILD IN THE CAR WITHOUT A CARSEAT!

The ILs would never see my child again without me present.

And FIL/BIL would receive an absolute ear bashing from me.

Don't put the blame 100% on MIL. FIL/BIL are equal in this.

It doesn't need to be confrontational though. Buy another car seat and when you next see the in-laws, take it with you, strap it into their car and say "there you go, car seat for my precious package. please don't ever take him out in the car without it because if you do, it will be the very last time." If they argue with you, take the seat out of their car and tell them they won't have your child again. And this, OP, can all be done independently by you, irrespective of whether your OH 'agrees/approves' or not!

TeaAndJaffacakes · Today 13:12
BIL was driving? So OH calls him and says ´YOU DO NOT EVER DRIVE OUR CHILD IN THE CAR WITHOUT A CARSEAT!“

Absolutely. Would elevate to “shouts” too, rather than says.

"I expect it from FIL and BIL but not her I was really shocked."

You expect them to neglect your child and put her in danger? Why on earth did you leave her with them then?

What kind of vehicle does your BIL drive?
I've just realised there were 6 people in this car, so even if you had provided a car seat for your child there would not have been room for all 6 - unless of course it's not a standard car.
Are your BILs kids much older? Would they not have needed car seats too? Was MIL perched inbetween two car seats holding your child? Was she even wearing a seat-belt?
The mind boggles.

@MeridianB Not at all.

Parents don't leave their baby at people's houses without essentials or knowing they have essentials - that includes carseats.

Fuck, anything could happen that would require a child having to travel in a car in an emergency situation - it's the parents responsibility to ensure that the items are left with the kid - or that the carers have them. That includes carseats.

OP I actually gasped. They endangered your tiny son's life. You should absolutely feel angry, I would quite simply never let her have him again. And I mean never, not until he's a teenager capable of speaking up for himself. Your DH needs to be the one to confront.

Your child comes first. Before your MIL’s discomfort at saying no to her her husband, before your discomfort at raising this and before your Dh discomfort at upsetting his parents.

They neglected to keep your child safe.

I just put my DS in the boot xx
He loves it in there 💅🍷🏎

I would go fucking nuclear!

I definitely need to find my voice in situations like this. I am constantly worried about what people will think of me.

You can CHOOSE what they think of you.

Take your pick from

"Cybermondayyay is a weak pushover, she'll never say boo to a goose so we can do what the hell we like to her/her kids"

"Cybermondayyay is a strong determined woman who knows her own mind and doesn't give in to bullies"

"Don't ever cross Cybermondayyay or you'll regret it "

MIL made the wrong choice a long time ago. If you let FIL, BIL and DH do the same to you as they've done to her, you're going to end up as their doormat, just like her.

Unless it was an absolute emergency I would go bat shit fucking mental and not let her have my child unsupervised again.

Nope nope nope. Neither of them would be alone with my child after this. Somebody
who is "peer pressured" into doing anything prioritises their own need for keeping the peace over the safety of my child and that's a hard line for me. Nope.

Being very adult here- you and your H need to have a whole-family discussion with his father and mother.

Both were at fault.

Tell them you need to discuss something important about childcare.

If your H won't agree to it, then do it yourself.

I'd tackle the father because he's the bully. If the grandma is frightened of him, he is the one who needs the bomb up his bum.

He was the driver and he was resposible.