DH holiday with female friends

[NamechBge]

DH’s male friend’s brother is getting married abroad and DH has been invited. They are having a small wedding so myself and DC are not invited.

They are all going a week before the wedding, including a few female friends of DH/the friendship group and have planned to all do day trips together, hang out, stay in the same hotel etc.

AIBU to feel a bit uneasy? No trust issues but they are all single and he is the only married one.

Also we already planned to go abroad in that same month… now I feel like DH will cancel those plans due to money & using up work annual leave. I think it’s a bit unfair he gets to go abroad and spend all that money but then it affects our first family holiday plans.

The person I quoted did literally say that. "Holidays are together not at all... you go as a family or no one goes."

Oh OK, @TellMeWhere .
I can think of someone who goes on holiday with her friends without her DH, but he has a job that he can't easily take time off from, and she has a job with fixed holidays. I don't think it's a great idea, but maybe he doesn't want to go, and if they are happy with the arrangement, that is up to them, and their DC are adults.

All those that are fine with it - would you be fine for your family holiday to be cancelled? Because that’s the situation.

DH and I go on holidays without each other but never at the expense of a family holiday. And we always make sure it’s equal.

Yes.. is your DC weaned ? Then knock the bf on the head.. it's great if you have a life whereby DH is around to share in the childcare but completely shit if he only has a very limited time... all the time he is 'exclusive' to you means DH has a free pass... too many women have been indoctrinated into 'breast is best' yes it absolutely is ... until it affects the division of child care and freedoms.

If no more 'boob' then it's not just you settling in the evening and he will begin to get a taste of what it's like to care for a child. At the moment he has none of that. ! It's all hypothetical.

Before the breastfeed until their 5 brigade pile in.. I breast fed until mine were 3.. but my DH worked in a restaurant and had afternoons and mornings to share the load..

I wouldn't love it either OP. It's a mixed group of men and women so it's not like you're crashing a 'lads week', there are women going to be there and it seems like your H doesn't want you to be one of them. That would smart.
However, its probably way less about you, than about you plus DC. If you went as a family it totally changes the dynamic for him. Even if you stay with DC in the day he's still got to come back to the hotel and be dad, rather than just letting his hair down with his friends. It would probably spoil it for him. I think you need to take this one on the chin, but insist on your family holiday as well.

Dont be ridiculous. Her dh does fuck all in the week. If op stopped breastfeeding she would be adding to HER workload. She would be adding making formula and sterilising to her workload.

i ebf my two children. My dh worked incredibly long hours. He was out of the house 5.15am until 7pm. He did all the evening meal cooking and when i fed them in the evening / night he winded and resettled. Op your dh can share the resettling. Has he even tried?

@NamechBge why couldn't you and the children go along on the trip but just not attend the wedding?

So do you think the single people will all be shagging each other?

Or they'll just be on holiday together?

Christ, that is serious trust issues!

Look people are very naive if they think husbands go away and behave all week

ive seen many a faithful husband turn the minute they get in the airport

last year in a girls trip every guy who hit in me was married

every single one

There may not be a type who cheats,but a DF of a 10 month old who voluntarily chooses to go away with his single mates in preference to his family, seems like he would be a strong contender.

Sorry OP.

Sadly this has been my experience too. Unless women have been in the position to observe men 'off the leash' they often have no idea what that actually looks like and can't imagine their own DH being anything other than his usual self.
But most of these men hitting on women, chatting up young bar staff, leering at women at the pool are someone's partners, and there's so many that do it, the odds say that one of them is yours.
Theres also a bit of a fallacy about 'trust' like its a magic shield that if a woman is cool enough to have, will mean her partner will behave himself. When in fact the level of trust you have is largely irrelevant, other than to an extent making bad behaviour easier as there's no check on it.
Of course, it's not all men, but if its yours, as his partner you'd probably be the last to know.

If it's a beach holiday somewhere hot, and alcohol is involved, I'd imagine the temptation could be there.

The red flag is that DH doesn't want to make a joint family holiday.
He either wants to go away and have a week off being a dad and a husband or he has his sights set on one of the females. It's probably the former, but neither is great.

I think it's perfectly possible for men and women to be friends and for men to go out with the lads and behave themselves.

I don't think there a "type" who will be unfaithful. There is a type who will definitely be unfaithful, but everyone, men and women is capable of it imo, given the right conditions. That will largely depend on how badly they want to keep hold of what they have at home and how likely they think they are to get caught.

Unfortunately a man with a small child who's keen to sacrifice the family holiday for a mates week away isn't that keen to hold onto what he has and he has opportunity and the belief that he won't get caught while he's so far from home.

I have however been away many times for a long weekend as part of a group of mostly men, about 50% married and they've all behaved in an exemplary fashion, enjoyed some drinks and the activities we went for, maybe enjoyed the view on the beach (!) , but nothing more than a little bit of chat, phoned home regularly etc.

These men take a day or two and make sure they also have plenty of breaks with DW though (and now have adult children and comfortable finances, I don't think they'd have done it with young families or a shortage of cash)

Both? You are being unreasonable to be concerned about your husband being in a group if singles if there hasn't been amy issues with infidelity.

You are not being unreasonable to get upset over the possibility of him canceling a family vacation because he blew a wad and vacation time on a trip that was just for him.

Typical MN hypocrisy

if this was a girls trip and the OPs DH was pushing for an invite he’d be controlling, people would be trotting out stories where their friends took their husbands to nights out with single friends and it make the atmosphere uncomfortable etc.

These are his friends, you are not, that’s why you and your baby didn’t get an invite

Has he actually cancelled the holiday or is this frenzy on the basis that he might?

I don’t think there’s any problem with this if there’s the money and annual leave to ensure the family doesn’t suffer. But I think that needs sorting out in advance before he commits to the wedding. It would be very unreasonable to expect his spouse and children to go without a decent holiday so he can squander the resources on one for himself.

Okay, but why not accept the perfectly reasonable compromise OP came up with then?They go abroad together, he goes to the wedding, she and DC stay at the hotel, then the three go out and do family things together, especially if it's for an entire week? DH isn't a part of the main friend group of his best friend's brother. He doesn't need to be with the friend group constantly. Why not combine his week long invite with a family holiday?