To be hurt non of Dps family attended my baby shower

[StrawberryKitty]

Had baby shower yesterday organised by my best friend.
It was a very relaxed affair. But I was surprised that non of dps family were there.
Upon asking my friend mil had said she would come and didn't turn up. Dp phoned her to check she was OK (incase she had had a fall or forgotten) and she said she decided to go out for a coffee with her friend instead.
Sil 1 said she doesn't go to baby showers except has posted today that she can't wait to go to someone else's today and there are loads of pics on fb of her at other showers.
Sil 2 said she wouldn't know anyone so declined the invite. Except she would have known me, sil 1 and mil if they had come.

It wasn't a massive affair, about 10 friends came and it was actually really nice, I had a lovely time. There was no expectation of a gift, my friend made that clear on the invite (a few people didn't bring gifts and I was just happy to have them there) and we provided all the food and drink so again there were no cost implications.
There were lots of kids there too so the invite was extended to the nieces and nephews if they wanted to bring them.
I also found out that dp had offered to pick them all up and drop them home so they could have a glass of wine/bubbly if they wanted to.
I just feel a little hurt and rejected that after being with dp for 10 years they couldn't make the effort to come. They go out together all the time and never invite me so I'm just beginning to feel perhaps there is more to this and that they don't actually like me.

Seems off. Do they have form for not being that nice to you? Ignore them if they do - their loss, especially with a new baby in the family!

Baby showers in the UK are small tea parties for close friends, not for in-laws!

They don't care for you in the same way you do them. Either you can let that go and still continue as you are or you can retreat from them it's up to you. I personally wouldn't go to any great lengths for people who didn't care for me but that's just me. I'd focus on the positives and that is you have some lovely people that do care about you and baby.

The mere notion of baby showers make me heave. Unless you are American even having one is disgusting.

How pathetic

There is nothing wrong with choosing not to attend a baby shower, but they were very rude. They may not dislike you, but it is clear that you are not very high up their list of priorities. That is also okay and now you know, you can move them down your own list of priorities too.

So these women aren't even your dps sisters but married to his dbros. Your even more unreasonable to expect them to attend. Of course they will go to their friends events but they only know you as their husbands brothers girlfriend, I think your expectations are unrealistic.

😂 just when you think you've seen it all on Mumsnet...
Maybe you should see a doctor for that sensitive little stomach you've got.

Baby showers and similar celebrations for expectant mothers are common across a whole range of cultures and countries.

Your ignorance is astonishing.

I didn’t go to husband’s brother’s wife’s baby shower. I hate them. They are a) very self indulgent b) very dull. I went to the first one I was invited to, and have never been to one since. If that’s their preference it doesn’t mean they don’t like you, or that they won’t love the baby, it just means they don’t like baby showers.

@Bibbitybobbityboot do you mean you hate your husbands brother and his wife or baby showers in general?

I don't do baby showers.
Doesn't matter who they are for.
Babies can be celebrated once they have arrived

To go to a party where you don’t know anyone is really not that much fun, so they would have just sat around with each other for the sake of it and appearance. Plus done people don’t think baby showers are a big deal.

Yes I’m coming to realise the forum I joined supposedly ‘for parents by parents’ is actually just mainly used by older white single women who hate kids 🤣🤣🤣

Parties are a common place to meet new people. Some people find meeting new people fun. Where do you meet new people/friends?

Excuse you. Baby showers are part of confinement cultures - Indians, Arabs, East Asians all have them.

I've never been to a baby shower, as no-one in my circle of friends has ever had one. I'm fairly certain it wouldn't be something I'd enjoy - but, horses for courses, we're all different.

Just one point for those more in the know. Are they exclusively for women? Op says that her DP is one of 4, all men. I'm presuming that men don't get invited, or that they wouldn't want to come anyway?

not everyone feels like that though. Introverts find large gatherings that require small talk hard work.
and clearly SILs and mil did not feel that they wanted to meet new people at the baby shower…

Genuinely couldn’t think of an event I’d like to go to less than a baby shower. Ok maybe a funeral. Self indulgent nonsense - always delighted to celebrate a new baby but not a chance will I go to a baby shower.

It probably has nothing to do with them not liking you! I hate baby showers and wouldn't go if invited to one.

I get so confused by the 'baby showers are self indulgent and dull' crowd. So are birthdays, anniversaries, retirement parties etc all bullshit grab fests.

And as for celebrating when the baby arrives safely, if it doesn't I bet you 'baby showers are shit' lot would not be there for the parents either because you've said you'll only acknowledge the baby once it's here safe, allowing parents no joy until everything goes perfectly in your view. Gross.

OP, I think the first time your MIL comes to see the baby, be out having coffee with baby and a friend instead.

They were all rude not to attend, but SIL1 and MIL are the worst. How disappointing.
I didn't have any baby showers, and have never been to one but would go to one if invited. Also a bit baffled as to why men don't get invited but that is a side issue.
I'm not surprised you are hurt. I think your attitude that families do things /help each other is healthy, but like you say I wouldn't put yourself out for them again, lower your expectations going forward and try and concentrate on the people who do value you.

Baby showers are seen by many people as unnecessary, and grabby. Because it’s seen as bad etiquette to have one in the first place, I think a lot of people feel the “normal rules” don’t apply when declining/not turning up.

Exactly this.

No way I would go to my own kids baby showers if they did them, be it daughters or sons, so no way I’d go to anyone else’s. I wouldn’t accept and not turn up though, I’d just tell them straight up I wasn’t attending, although knowing me and my thoughts on them I doubt I’d get an invite😝.

Pretty much the only thing worse than a baby shower is the Gender Reveal. It’s all just so tacky. Just get on and have the baby and at some point when you are up for it have visitors who will then choose to say congrats and bring a gift.

They are being clear they don't like you . Forget about them .